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Gay Away Glasses - Products For Politicians

Updated on April 25, 2011

Are you tired of men holding hands, women kissing, rainbow colors everywhere, and indeterminate genders?

Men have penises, women vaginas. What the heck is so hard about that? Why should these dirty deviants dicktate morality to you, the ones who abide by God's natural laws and long-held traditions of marriage and family values.

We here at Products Phor Politicans know exactly how you feel and are very excited to be able to offer our newest product to you: Gay-Away Glasses. Put these glasses on and all of your gender-wrong problems will be solved. Instead of gay people you will see a variety of patriotic characters such as revolutionary war heroes or Ronald Reagan and rainbow flags will be replaced with Old Glory. Below is a sample of what these glasses will do for you.

Original on left. Image on right modified by Junkseller (not endorsed by author).
Original on left. Image on right modified by Junkseller (not endorsed by author). | Source

So powerful are these glasses, they will even revise written words. Here for instance is the 14th amendment of the Constitution that mistakenly left out prohibitions against unbiblical relationships.

14th Amendment

And here is the corrected 14th Amendment as the Founders would have intended it to be as seen through the Gay-Away Glasses

14th Amenedment Gay-Awayed

Modified by Junkseller from
Modified by Junkseller from | Source


Right now we are offering two models of our Gay-Away Glasses. The standard pair and the Beyonce inspired Fringe Model. In the photo to the right you can see the different styles being modeled by Brian Camenker and Gov. Mike Huckabee - Camenker has on the standard style glasses and Huckabee, fashionably, is sporting the Beyonce style glasses.

Deluxe Model Offer

Let's be honest. As great as these glasses are, they are not perfect. Even if you will no longer have to see gay people and their accoutrements, you will still know they are out there, engaging in their disgusting perversions. Even the best of us can sometimes find it to be too much. The terrible onslaught upon goodness and dignity and the moral fiber of this great country can break down even the most Christian and forgiving of us.

That is why we are making this special one-time offer of getting our deluxe model for FREE. What does the deluxe model do? The amazing deluxe model can actually sense your emotional distress and to comfort you in your time of need will emit a holographic projection of a great historical figure that will offer you some inspiring words. George Washington, for instance, may appear and reassure you that of course gays weren't meant to be protected by the Constitution. Or Saint Augustine will appear and comfort you with stories of the good old days when they would build bonfires to burn gays and roast marsmallows.


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    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools Hogg 

      6 years ago from North-East UK

      Hee Hee, all politicians might be four-eyed soon :o) Made me laugh.

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 

      6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      HI junkseller, and thanks for bringing me some needed laughter this Saturday morning.

      Voted up --- and funny!!!


    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Anthony Johnson 

      6 years ago from Peoria, Arizona

      Funny, but sadly you will find some people who want to order those classes.

    • peoplepower73 profile image

      Mike Russo 

      6 years ago from Placentia California

      Great Satire, you should think about submitting that to Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert.

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 

      6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      You have quite a gift or satire and "beneficial criticism." Great Hub. It made me think and laugh. You do good work. :)

    • hazelbrown profile image


      7 years ago from Central PA

      HAHAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE this!!!

    • frugalfamily profile image

      Brenda Trott, M.Ed 

      7 years ago from Houston, TX

      Your style of making a point makes me laugh "out" loud. I'm now a fan.


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