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God and the Queer Who Changed His Mind

Updated on October 14, 2010

How Bob Made Up With God...

My friend Bob tells this odd story…

I knew I was gay by the time I was 10. I also knew I was a Christian. As just about anyone knows, the two usually clash, sometimes with great violence. So, since the born-again had to win out—at least for the present—I slunk into the closet, not to reappear again until I was nearly 20. That’s when the proverbial damn broke. I went from a small town in Illinois to New York, met some gay folks, found the gay scene, and fell head long into the sex game. I stayed there for nearly 18 years.

The born-again thing kept nagging. But I was not about to go back into the closet for some religious “faggot bashers.” I had found what I was looking for and, most important, I had found who I was—a gay man with gay needs and a gay outlook. I was home!

Then I moved to San Francisco. It was the 80s. I soon discovered that at least half of everyone I knew or even met was HIV Positive or already into full-blown AIDS. It scared me but not enough to give up the sex scene. I still was careless and let my penis do my thinking. Turns out, my straight friends were doing the same thing so it wasn’t just in the gay community. We were all putting ourselves at risk.

Somehow, I came away from those years in San Francisco without a dent. But I made up my mind that the crazy sex drive and its actions were over. I moved to Seattle.

It didn’t take me long to find the action in that town either. Seattle had and has a thriving gay community. This time it was different. I got involved with a group of activists that were working with various medical interests to help spread the word of caution within the gay community, to encourage blood tests and condoms. It was during this time that I met Jack.

“Busy Sunday?” he asked one day. I wasn’t. He invited me to his church, of all places. I hadn’t been to church for years.

“Don’t think so,” I said, looking a bit bemused.

“It’s different,” he said. “It’s got a lot of gay and lesbian congregants. They’re folks who’ve grown tired of being shunned by their old religious circles. They want something more. They say they’ve found it. The god of wrath has disappeared for them. The God of Love is all there is.”

“A gay church?” I found it hard to reconcile. After coming out and leaving the evangelical life, this all seemed a bit absurd. Still, I was intrigued. “OK, but just once.”

“It’s not a gay church per se; it’s a welcoming, inclusive church,” Jack was quick to point out. “You won’t feel like you’re being judged. It ain’t perfect, but it’s the next best thing.”

That Sunday found me in the back row, watching. First, great music. Some meditation time. Then a message that told me I was OK just the way I am, that the Great Mystery that brought me into existence was not likely to cast me into some mythical hell just because I am gay. It took me a while to buy it, but I finally did.

And the people were incredible. I not only went back; I eventually became an ordained minister.

Ultimately, I only gave up two things: a belief in a literal devil and the misguided idea that gay people—any people— are bound for hell. But I added more than I could have imagined. I developed a relationship with God again, but this time, it was based in Love rather than fear. My life has changed completely.

Am I still gay? Without a doubt. And that is perfectly OK.

Want more? Visit for a new direction. You’re worth it.

When there is peace in your heart, it will find it's way into the world!


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    • RichardSpeaks profile image

      Richard Kent Matthews 7 years ago from Portland, OR Metro Area

      You may not take the time to read this material I am going to share with you, but if you do, you'll get an entirely new perspective on the whole Plan of Salvation thing. Hope you study this well. It's long and drawn out, but worth the effort. Blessings...

    • hanging out profile image

      hanging out 7 years ago

      heres the flaw:

      Then a message that told me I was OK just the way I am, that the Great Mystery that brought me into existence was not likely to cast me into some mythical hell just because I am gay. It took me a while to buy it, but I finally did.

      Nobody is okay the way the are. God wants control over the life of the nice person and the mean awful person. Gods aim is not just to make the mean awful person, nice or the nice person, nicer but to bring them up to His level. Gods level. A level of holiness.

      The term Great Mystery slammed a gavel down on this being a path to jesus at all. The name of Gods son is Jesus and whatever this great mystery is, it is not God. There are many examples of churches who think they have found God when in fact they have found only strong delusion. Gods word is very clear about everything.

      God will not toss people to mythical hell because they are gay but because they do not let God change them. They do not submit to God, do not take up the cross, Do not let god turn them from their sin, in short they have taken the word of God and changed it into a lie to suit their own needs and this is why they will be tossed, because He does not know them.

      I feel uneasy because some people have huge obstacles to overcome. For instance the fellow who loves snakes and tatoos of snakes all over him, arms legs, chest and back, he gives his life to christ (which your friend has not done) and now has to live life with satans pet all over him. This is one mild example of how the world entraps people. Along with a host of other things, gayness is a sin that God needs to change in the persons life. God created a NATURAL order of which he explained way before the levitical law was even thought of by man.

    • profile image

      RichardSpeaks 7 years ago

      Thanks for the comments.

      An interesting point from Scripture (no pun intended): By their fruits you will know them. Most of us are hypocrites in one form or another. And, at the risk of sounding judgmental, evangelical Christians are among the most hypocritical. I, too, was among their number at one time. And I speak from experience and knowledge when I say that ALL Christians are as guilty of sinning against humanity as anyone else in the world. One day, simply through attrition, the Old Guard will die out and the younger generations will fall less and less into the hate categories. We can only hope, right?

    • profile image

      Linda Faye Knolll 7 years ago

      I'm so glad I found your name and Hub posts linked on my last post to my Hub tonight. Thank you, Richard. I wish I knew how to get the message you've posted here out to all in the gay community in Oklahoma City, where there is still that backwoods mentality, and pulpit pounding condemnation by those with more to hide behind their "norm" than anyone I know who just happens to be gay. Shalom, and God Bless.

    • RichardSpeaks profile image

      Richard Kent Matthews 8 years ago from Portland, OR Metro Area

      You also are right. I believe I'll have a coffee.

    • Izombiheartzoey profile image

      Izombiheartzoey 8 years ago

      Belief is a choice.

    • RichardSpeaks profile image

      Richard Kent Matthews 8 years ago from Portland, OR Metro Area

      Gay is not a choice; gay sex is. Straight sex is. Smoking is. Drinking is. Stealing is. Murder is. Peace is. Charity is. Love is. Hate is. If you don't take responsibility for your choices, that's also a choice. But gender, race, eye color, parents, orientation--those are not choices.

      Gay is not a choice. Period.

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 8 years ago from carthage ill

      Remember all bibles have been reproduced by humanity hundreds of thousands of times. Holy human truth God Jesus care love worry more about the billions in human hell without food water care in all the world. we are all born unto God Jesus by holy human birth rigth.

    • Izombiheartzoey profile image

      Izombiheartzoey 8 years ago

      I just can't picture a gay guy reading the bible and thinking "hey you know what this applies to me."

      Its hard not to look at the big names of the civil rights movement and not think, how is it possible for these guys to use a doctrine that condemned then and turn around and use it for liberating purposes.

      I suppose things are tenable till the aren't.

    • RichardSpeaks profile image

      Richard Kent Matthews 8 years ago from Portland, OR Metro Area

      You are absolute correct, sir.

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 8 years ago from carthage ill

      Aids hiv are still illnesses we need to find treatments for God Jesus are more worried about the life of all huumanity today then any ones sexual preferances. No matter what you are all birth right children of God Jesus the holy spirit.

      The walls of bashing killing starving human life come from religions hate race.