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Guns and Gays: Political Opinion

Updated on March 6, 2011

What the Left and Right Should Give Up

Opinion: Guns and Gays

In life there is the propensity for a politically active person to spread oneself too thin by trying to oppose or support every form and shade of socio-political issue beneath the sun. This is the case too, with political parties. Given all of the seemingly myriad issues out in the world, and specifically, in the United States, I offer up my opinion regarding two issues, one supported by the political right, and the other by the left. It is my belief that these 2 issues should no longer be fought over and that rather, the monies which in the past has been earmarked for these battles be instead put in a better place, such as education. Or, maybe the individuals who might normally contribute such money could invest it or save it, given that we Americans don’t save, and this is only sinking the American ship faster. These two issues are, of course, over Guns and Gays.

Gays first. The political right hates ‘em and would be happy if it were Politically Correct –or acceptable, at least, to openly proclaim hunting season on all homosexuals, whether male, female, she-male, mere cross-dressers (which aren’t really gay, just fashionably open to a secondary wardrobe!) or undecided. Why should the political right give up such a time-honored hatred? Because they have already lost.

Once the first state opened up legalized gay marriage, it was like a guillotine blade over the neck of the entire issue. Gays have always been upwardly mobile, but now with the tax benefits -that the political right, especially, have favored married couples with, gays who get married will only grow yet richer (Homosexuals, incidentally, do tend to save their money and invest). At least, that is, until they achieve that last golden fleece, the right to adopt, and then they’ll sink to the same economic depths as other couples with children; in theory, at least.

Furthermore, once the political right, most specifically the Republicans, accept gays into their fold, gay Republicans, commonly called Log Cabin Republicans, will only aid the Republican party in gaining prestige in the growing gay community, as well as a healthy chunk of financial support which will undoubtedly go towards other issues favored by the political right.

Lastly, accepting gays –at the risk of forming a bad pun, is simply the right thing to do. What homosexuals do in their own homes, just as heterosexuals do, is no one’s business but their own. (For more on this, see Lewis Black, "Gay Banditos" on Youtube.com.)

Guns, my favorite. There seems to be a misconception amidst many people on the political right (and left) that the left is entirely against guns. As any politically-savvy person knows, the political spectrum is not best exemplified as a line with a left, right, and center between the two, where the further to either side that one swings, the more extreme one is. Rather, the great scope of political belief is a circle, as seen when one swings to the extreme right or left, where there is a meeting point for the two, 180 degrees from the "center" or "populist" point (To help conceive this better, consider the Unibomber and where he would be placed on this political model, and you'll suddenly "see" the circle).

Of course, no one person can be found exclusively at one single point, as there are so many issues that involve the political animal's sights. Bill O’Reilly, for instance, holds key positions on both the left and the right, which brings me back to guns.

Numerous people on the left support gun rights. They simply don’t mind waiting for 3 days to get a gun that the powers that be might ensure that not absolutely anyone can buy a gun, such as former members of Charles Manson’s cult that are no longer incarcerated. However, the mainstream of the left, particularly the Democrats, don’t want guns. At all. This is ludicrous on several fronts. The first being that it is unconstitutional. Little more needs to be said about this point, as it is so ubiquitous a concept, save that we must never forget that the Constitution of the United States is the cornerstone of our law, and it’s just about the finest foundation any nation can hope to achieve.

Furthermore, the main argument for gun control has been for the safety of our children, an exceptionally noble reason, yet also one that is a bit behind many greater killers of children. As economist Steven D. Levitt, the writer of the sensational book “Freakonomics” has pointed out, this argument seems to be a bad selling point given that swimming pools kill far, far more children than guns, and yet the removal of swimming pools from America is not on the political docket. (By his count, 1 child is killed by a gun for every million guns that are owned, whereas 1 child is killed for every 15,000 swimming pools.)

I would like to further state, that given the number of Marxists who consider themselves part of the left (whereas many consider themselves completely off of the political map), the revolution that Marxists seek can only come with a well-armed proletariat, to utilize Marxist terminology.

Finally, it’ll simply scare hell out of the political right, not unlike a terrifying genie that cannot be put back into its bottle –won't that be fun? The political right will initially embrace the acceptance of guns by the left, and then fear it. Imagine a group of hippies, lesbians, and yes, teachers (gasp!) walking into an NRA rally wearing buttons with Chuck Heston’s smiling mug on the front! (Leading them might just be Michael Moore.)

To reiterate a point from the outset, it would be grand if the fundraising that would normally go towards funding these 2 contentious issues would instead go towards, say, buying up all of the brownies and cookies at a bake sale supporting a school, or towards research to stop Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or some such problem deserving of more money; but it’ll probably never happen.

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