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By: Wayne Brown
What if Harry Reid apologized? For what, you asked? Oh, possibly you have not heard that Congress packed up and left Washington after their exhaustive debate over the debt ceiling. In their rush to leave they overlooked approving a bill to fund a portion of the Federal Aviation Agency leaving literally thousands of workers without paychecks until the problem can be rectified. Actually, it really was not the Congress that was responsible as the House under the leadership of the Republicans did their part and passed the bill prior to the debt debate and struggle. The bill then went on over to the Senate for approval and that’s where the screw up came.
You see Pigeon-Hole Harry was so busy tossing out bills coming over from the Republican dominated House that he just plain forgot that the folks over at the FAA need to be paid. So, like all the other bills approved by the House Republicans, he tossed it into file 13 and continued to do what he does best…supersede the will of the American people.
Even with Vice-President Biden close by to remind him of the importance of this bill, Reid still managed to file it under Republican trash. Of course, who can depend on Biden for anything except some kind of smart comment at the wrong time? In all likelihood the bill was over looked while the Vice-President was out referring to Tea Party members as “Terrorists.”.
Of course, no much slips by our Magna Cum Laude Graduate President. Even when he was up to his ears planning his 50th birthday party bash in Chicago, probably at taxpayer expense, he had the gumption to note that the bill to pay the FAA had not been sent over for signature. Now it was readily apparent that the House had done their job and that Wild Horse-Pigeon-Hole Dirty Harry Reid and his support staff had dropped the ball in terms of getting the bill processed. But that wouldn’t look good for the Democrats if the President pointed out that fact so in traditional Magna Cum Laude manner, he called for entire Congress to return to Washington and take care of the job to cover Reid’s mistake. Never mind that we are supposed to be looking for ways to reduce spending, it is better that the whole bunch show up than it is if only the spotlight is on the Democratically-controlled Senate.
So, now that you know, what if Harry apologized to the workers over at the FAA? What would he say? If you were his speech writer, how would you spin it for him? Even better, just think of a lie, Harry is not much of one to spin, he just flat out lies. I have given it a bit of thought and I may have at least one approach that Harry can use. Let’s give it a go.
Reid steps to the cluster of microphones assembled hurriedly on the steps of the nations’ capitol building and clears his throat. He has that familiar expression about him and those shifty eyes which dart about looking for the law enforcement officials who, in his mind, he is convinced are coming for him sooner or later…and for good reason. Finally, after looking down and consulting his notes, he speaks into the microphones.
“Ladies and gentlemen of our country and specifically all those employees who serve our country so well over at the FAA, I, Democratic Senator Harry Reid, from the great State of Nevada and Democratic Majority Leader in the Senate, am here today at the behest of the President of the United States. I specifically come before you today to bring recognition to all these fine folks over at the Federal Aviation Administration, many of who are among my constituency from the great State of Nevada, These little people work hard at their middle income jobs keeping the skies over America safe day in and day out 365 days per year. As you know, we are in the process of funding our debt obligations and payments. It was this particular item that inspired my thought processes to think ‘what a wonderful time to recognize these wonderful people of the FAA. So, as most you are aware, we approve the pay process over at the FAA on a regular basis and today is no different with one exception. I, the Senate Majority Leader, have placed an amendment to this bill and it has been approved by a majority of those who serve in the Senate. This amendment will extend the pay benefits of the FAA employees for one more year and add a 10% raise for each one beginning with the 15 August pay period. Now, hold you applause please, as we still have business to do on this particular subject. As I stated, the bill and the amendment have passed the Senate and now must go back to the House for approval. Unfortunately, the House did not return to session on this subject therefore I would both challenge and encourage Speaker of the House Boehner to quickly order all members of the House to return to Washington and take care of the needs of their government and its employees before continuing any personal efforts at enjoying a vacation. Speaker Boehner unfortunately is not with us here today as he has already begun his vacation. I urge patience on the part of the FAA employees everywhere and I am sure that I am not speaking out of turn by standing here and apologizing for Speaker Boehner for this significant oversight in the discharge of his duties as Speaker. May God Bless America!”
With the closing remarks, Nancy Pelosi takes her left hand from over her heart, turns and salutes the Vice-President and yells “Play Ball!” Reid quickly takes hold of her arm and pulls her away from the micro-phone to prevent any greater damage.
That is the way I envision it taking place and for good reason. Harry Reid will never apologize to anyone for anything because he has never been wrong about anything. Well there was one time that he was wrong but that was only when he thought he actually was wrong but it turned out that he was right in the first place. Good thing he did not rush forward and apologize to anyone.
If Harry Reid apologizes, things will get strange. Pundits will run forward and again confirm that indeed the world will come to an end in the year 2012 and the change in behavior displayed by Harry Reid is living proof of that fact. America will cringed and hide in their root cellars in fear while Harry continues being Harry. The tides will disappear. The will go out the night after the apology and never return. There will never be a high tide again. Ships will be stuck in the harbors and river channels of America and the world due to Harry’s apology. The stars will shift in the sky and all the familiar constellations will disappear. Scientists will be baffled by this occurrence and realize their studies of the universe have been all for naught.
If Harry Reid apologizes, global warming trends will shift so significantly that members of the Green Peace movement will actually get sunburned. Gold and oil prices will come crashing down with the shift of behavior. Financial markets will wallow and lose ground and the Moody’s will downgrade the American credit rating. Inflation will go through the roof as depression comes to every corner of the economy as a result of Reid’s confession.
But, the single most significant indicator of the impact of an apology from Reid would take place right in his home state. Everyone there would have to go out and buy a new coat in the middle of August. Though the temperatures in Nevada would be well over 100 degrees there would be a chill in the air for you see, as close as Nevada sits to the front gate of Hell, if Hell indeed were freezing over, Nevada would at the very least be getting a dose of ice and snow. If Reid apologized for his error, hell indeed would freeze over and we cannot allow that…too many unknowns and not enough government grants to study the phenomenon.
So while I sit here and day-dream about Dingy Harry Reid apologizing to those innocent folks down at the FAA, it is only a fantasy and I know it. The potential damage from such an action of the part of Mr. Reid would most certainly create social upheaval and imbalance throughout America thus it is in the welfare of all good citizens that we just let it lie and get on with the business of America.
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