His Lordship pays a visit to the House of Commons
The King paid a visit to the House of Commons yesterday as his Lordship graciously blessed the chosen representatives of the commoners of his kingdom with his Royal Presence. Yes, after working his way through the pickup trucks that covered the parking lot, then through the door and down the hallway with walls adorned with outdated religious paraphernalia; there for purpose of affording the patrons something to cling to, His Royal Highness arrived in the hotel ballroom. The setting was much less grandiose than one of his statue has grown accustomed to but never the lees suitable for the assemblage of such rabble as he was about to address. Just what was the purpose of this royal visit; the King had decided to address these obstructionist one more time in hopes that his melodious oratory could open the ears of these beggars and thieves and turn them down the path to see the light of his Majestic Agenda.
His Lordship quickly made it clear he was there to lecture them and not to give audience to their petty grievances. The King repeatedly defended his policies and accused the Commoners of distorting his positions for political gain. He was especially critical of their efforts to derail his attempt to take over the Health Care of the Kingdom. Instead of recognizing his magnificent Benevolence in desiring to cover every subject in the kingdom these bumpkins were fretting over the insignificant truth that in doing so the King would gain control of over 16% of the kingdom’s economy. With his royal nose in the air the King lashed out saying; "You'd think this was some Bolshevik plot!" Well, except for the fact your henchmen Pelosi and Reid are sitting astride Asses; their own, instead of horses that are exactly what it is!
Continuing in his visible vein of arrogance, His Worship scolded the Commoners saying their constant political attacks on his agenda had almost robbed them of any opportunity to contribute. In Royal Speak that meant you wouldn’t agree with me; bow down to me; sing my songs Barrack Hussein Obama Mmmmm-Mmmm-Mmm, what else could I do but lock you out of the House of Lords. If and when you demonstrate you are truly contrite, you may once again gain entrance through the back door!
At this point the King changed the tone a bit and offered what appeared to be an Olive Branch to the Rabble assembled before him. He read eloquently from his teleprompter saying “I know you guys don't have a lot of room to negotiate with me, many of you, if you voted with the administration on something, are politically vulnerable with your own base, with your own party, because what you've been telling your constituents is, 'this guy's doing all kinds of crazy stuff that's going to destroy America.'' Wow, this could be the most condescending thing he said all day. The King was telling the House of Commons I know it’s not your fault. You have a modicum of intelligence and as such are capable of seeing the sheer brilliance of my policies. However because of the ignorance of your constituents and their antipathy towards me because I’m not like them; clinging to guns and religion, you are forced to vote otherwise. It’s not your fault and I forgive you!
At one point the King mocked the rabble by seizing a quotation from one of their past heroes, Ronald Regan, and paraphrasing it to suit the moment. The teleprompter flashed remove the arrogance and smugness from your royal face and smile while saying; “I was told to keep your friends close and visit the Republicans every couple of months.” At this moment the King was allowed to appear almost human possessing a sense of humor. I only wish one of the House of Commoners would have risen and offered a famous quote from a member of the Kings Parliament paraphrased of course. My Lord; John F. Kennedy said “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country;” your administration is attempting to reverse this quotation with your proposed policies by creating a generation of Americans who believe, Ask what your government can give you not what you can give your government.
After the King had had his sport for the day he decided it was time to conclude the exhibition. The Commoners had held their tongues in check for fear of losing them when the His Majesty proclaimed "I am not an ideologue," What’s this; murmurs of dissent could be heard throughout the room. The enraged King cried out "I'm not," but quickly regained his composure remembering the peasants were watching this royal charade. The Kings men were quickly dispatched in an attempt to identify those that murmured their dissent so as to unleash his Royal Attack Dogs; Sir Chris Mathews, Sir James Carvel, Sir Paul Begala on them and his Chief of Royal Staff Prince Emanuel could send them a dead fish wrapped in newspaper!
Such was the day. The King exhausted from having to endure the smell and overall bad manners of the rabble with which he had just addressed, retired to the castle in preparation of watching the coverage of this spectacular event. It would be reported that evening on the State controlled media what a magnificent job the King had done; how he had extended the olive branch to this bunch of disgruntled malcontents. How disrespectful the commoners had been and how uncooperative they continued to be. They were so firmly entrenched in their misguided values they were unable to recognize the benevolence and magnanimous spirit in which their King had just addressed them.
All Hail the King; King Hussein