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Honestly, Would You Laugh at me if I Did These Things in Your Town?

Updated on January 24, 2015
Farmer inspects his corn crop. You find men like this in small towns
Farmer inspects his corn crop. You find men like this in small towns
 Dave Jensen, another corn farmer
Dave Jensen, another corn farmer

Time for Fun

Ever get in one of those wild moods when everything that runs through your mind seems like it would be so much fun to do? Well, I hate to sound harsh, if you haven't, then you are not flesh and blood, for all of us, no matter the age, gets in this mood one time or the other.

The mood I am spotlighting is all of the fun things you and I could do in any small town in America and although we would be looked at and laughed at like two escaped apes from the zoo, we would probably be allowed to remain free and not serve any jail time simply for what things we have done are not in any way, a harm or dangerous threat to anyone.

Cheri Jensen prides herself on being a pretty small town girl
Cheri Jensen prides herself on being a pretty small town girl

Oh The Fun we Could Have

The wild and unusual things you and I can do in small towns require no special equipment or uniforms. The only two things we need are faith and a non-caring attitude for when the citizens of these small towns congregate together in one spot and whisper about "the two fools running wild" in their city. Remember the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break our bones, but do not throw any sticks and stones."

I am not kidding like I normally do on my hubs. I am totally-serious with you. I would sincerely love to have one or two of my cherished-followers meet me in a small town of their choosing and take this list with us and just see how far we could go. Yes, we would have a videographer to document our wild antics for proof that we actually did these outlandish things.

Jerry Lewis makes the scene

Suddenly, You Leave Me

Then, because of you fearing legal action and loss of position in the community, you bail on me leaving me to do some or all of the things in this list . . .but I need to ask you one question?

Honestly, Would You Laugh at Me if I Did These Things In Your Town?

Other Special Images of Small Town Life

Man and wife run their own business
Man and wife run their own business
Small town farmers are proud of their contributions to America
Small town farmers are proud of their contributions to America
Bob West, leader of Grassroots of Yamima Valley
Bob West, leader of Grassroots of Yamima Valley
A farmers market gives residents of small towns a chance to buy their products and save money
A farmers market gives residents of small towns a chance to buy their products and save money
A true pleasure of life is fishing in a river or creek in any given small town
A true pleasure of life is fishing in a river or creek in any given small town
Another pretty small town princess
Another pretty small town princess
"Small Town Girl," with Gloria Gaynor
"Small Town Girl," with Gloria Gaynor
  • Walk confidently up to a pretty girl walking to her job or somewhere and town and dance like Jerry Lewis (in the video above) and even be dressed like Lewis and be made-up like Lewis.
  • Run fast as possible up the sidewalk in a Batman costume screaming, "I am not Alfred Hitchcock!"
  • Walking up to complete (and incomplete) strangers, wink at them, and look upward for ten minutes.
  • Show-up in a Bugs Bunny costume and yell to the cops, "What's up, cops?" And run away to hide.
  • Get my guitar and sit flat on my butt on the sidewalk and sing "El Paso" by Marty Robbins loud as possible.
  • Throw light bulbs into he air and let them hit me on the head causing them to burst all over the sidewalk.
  • Grab pretty married women by the arm and escort them in a gentlemanly manner to wherever they might be going. Then bow from the waist, produce a single red rose (from my back pocket) and hand it to them and smile.
  • Intentionally run into every parking meter (if they exist in this town) and land on the sidewalk.
  • Run through the front doors of the local grocery store and yell, "Attention! They are here! Take cover!" Then leave.
  • Walk slowly down the sidewalk minding my business and suddenly snap to the next person I meet, "Hey, you keep your hands to yourself. You masher!"
  • Find someone with a single bag of groceries then walk beside them and eat something from their bags.
  • Have a serious look on my face and ask a married woman, "Are you sure that you are married?"
  • I can be wearing a Charlie Chaplin tramp costume and then ask some pretty girl, "I know we have just met, but would you have dinner with me?"
  • Run behind a police cruiser and then jump on the back and wave my hand to people watching me. Introduce myself to everyone by saying, "Hello, sir/ma'am. My name is Jerry Van Dyke. Dicks brother. I will be in concert tonight at your local civic center."
  • Have a lemon cream pie in my hand and lure an innocent stranger to come near me. I say, "watch this," and act like I am going to put the pie into my own face, but at the last second, quickly smash them with the pie and then run like the wind and hide.
  • Rub dirt all over my face, including my teeth, and with a straight face, say to a stranger, "I am not from around here."
  • Make myself a flashy poster that says, "I Do Pig Sounds!" And put a tin cup on the sidewalk for tips. Then as curious townspeople walk up, go into a series of squeals, grunts and rolls on the sidewalk.

SPECIAL NOTICE TO THOSE READING THIS PIECE: Consider this a heads-up. I will be coming to YOUR town real soon.

This is where I live--Hamilton, Ala.

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Perspycacious,

      Did you and Jodah meet and write your comments before you both came on here?

      I agree to your terms. But we will have to "Go Dutch" at Burger King.

      Thank you for your nice comment.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Jodah,

      Let . . .me . . .see. (me thinking).

      Okay. Deal. Sounds like fun. Thanks my friend for the nice comment and the visit.

      Come back anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Marcy,

      I will be on a plane when I panhandle enough cash. Thanks for the nice comment and I love your town motto.

      Have a sweet night and visit me anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      vkwok, LOL!

      I do not blame you. Thanks for the comment.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 3 years ago from Hawaii

      Honestly, I would.

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 3 years ago from Planet Earth

      I live in Austin - our city motto is "Keep Austin Weird." Need I say more?

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Ok Kenneth it's a deal. Look me up when you get to my town. I'm willing to do the Batman and Bugs Bunny costumes, but I'll let you do the rest. That should really liven up my town.

    • profile image

      Perspycacious 3 years ago

      Not unless I could catch and enjoy the rest of the lemon cream pie, and let you catch the guff for the rest of the antics.

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