How Making My Bed Taught Me About Democrats and Republicans
Ahhh, politics. How we love to hate you.
We all claim to hate politics…and yet we all seem to have some pretty choice words when our favorite (of least favorite) topic comes up. In fact with just a couple of key phrases, I bet I can raise your blood pressure a solid 5 points. Let’s try it out…
“A woman’s right to choose.” Not your phrase? How about “Abortion is murder.” Still nothing? Let’s try, “Make America great again…” Yeah, that got a little rise. “We have to take away the guns.” “Let the Muslims in.” “Secure our borders.” “Build a wall.” “Obama.” “Hillary.” “Trump.”
Now that everyone’s blood is boiling, let’s talk about how I make my bed.
I have an enormous California King sized bed. Probably because I’m a spoiled rotten American…but that’s not the point. There is no way can I reach all the way across my bed, because it’s just too darn big—and I’m too darn short. So when it comes time to make the bed, I have to walk to the left side, pull up half the covers, then walk all the way around to the right side to pull up the other half of the covers. Then I fold the top of the bedspread over (because I’m obsessive), walk all the way back to the left side again, and fold that half over as well. A tug here, a yank there, and it looks perfect. All this seems like a lot of work, but it really only takes a minute or two. The real problems arise when it comes time to put the pillows on. Why, you ask? Let me explain.
Pillows are the crowing jewel of the sleeping apparatus.
In my world, they have to be dead center on the bed, or the whole operation was completely in vain. Seriously, if the covers look perfect but the pillows are off-center, it just looks dumb.
The bed is now made, so I start picking pillows off the floor like carcasses. Two big decorative ones go in the back, then four fluffy sleeping pillows go two one each side (you don’t know me, don’t judge). Then two small square pillows sit side by side. Lastly, one cylindrical neck pillow is placed neatly right in the middle. The pillow pyramid is now complete.
The only problem is, it is SO NOT COMPLETE.
When I put the pillows on my bed, I have to stand either on the right side of the bed, or the left side. There’s no other way to reach top dead center. Every time my beautiful pillow art has been completed, I look long and hard from my vantage point on the right side of the bed, to make sure it is centered. And every single time, I would swear it is. “These pillows,” I think to myself, “are perfectly centered on the bed.” At which point, I march proudly to the foot of the bed to observe—nay, revel--in my handiwork. But once I reach the foot of the bed, I can see IT’S CROOKED. Every. Single. Time.
At this point I’m annoyed and dismayed that everything I had believed about my pillows being centered, was a lie. I head over to the left side of the bed and give the pillows a few corrective tugs to re-center them. Again, I could swear this time, they are perfect. So off to the foot of the bed I go again to check. CROOKED. AGAIN.
Location, location, location.
When I stand on the right side of my bed to place the pillows, they’re off center towards the right. And when I stand on the left side of the bed to place my pillows, they’re off center towards the left. Always. Without fail. 100% of the time. The worst part is, I can never see it from where I’m standing. The ONLY way I can tell they’re off, is when I stand at the foot of my bed. Dead center.
Enough pillow-talk and on with the political analogy. Take your blood pressure medicine.
Everyone has political views--even if they’re “not political.” And everyone thinks their views are correct. People share their ideals as if they are fact—as if those views are centered perfectly in truth and reality. As if their views (and only their views), are logical. Even. Balanced. Centered. PERFECT.
Everyone on the Right side of the bed, thinks their pillows are perfectly centered. And everyone on the Left side of the bed, thinks their pillows are perfectly centered. But the real truth is, NOBODY’S PILLOWS ARE CENTERED. They just aren’t. No amount of bickering can change that fact. The Right-Bed crowd and the Left-Bed crowd can yell obnoxious insults across the covers, and play tug-of-war with the pillows all day long. But from the right or left side of the bed, those pillows will still never truly be centered. Ever.
Make America's Pillows straight again.
To “Make America’s Pillows Straight Again” one would have to come down from their high horse at the top right side, or top left side of the bed. They would have to come all the way down to the humble foot of the bed. Then <gasp> those on the left side would have to take two steps right, and those on the right side, would have to take two steps left.
Once this humbling shift is made, and you’re standing at the bottom center of the bed, you get a true picture of where exactly the pillow are, and which direction to move them to achieve “perfection.” Sometimes it feels like a long walk to bottom of that bed…but once you’re there, things can be seen for what they actually are, and fixed accordingly. Don’t get me wrong, every bed has to have a left side and a right side. And both sides are imperative when it comes to pulling up sheet and getting out wrinkles. But when things are really off—and I think we can all agree that they are really off—everyone has to make that long, humbling walk to the bottom-center to re-align their perspective. It’s the only way to see where the pillows really are. It’s the only clear, honest viewpoint.
Democrats and Republicans humbling themselves for the betterment of the country?
Lefties and Righties, making a corrective shift to actually fix problems? Pillows getting centered on the bed? Call me crazy if you want, but a girl can dream.
In the meantime, how about we all stop assuming OUR political views are the “correct” ones. They’re not. And let’s stop assuming THEIR political views are the “incorrect” ones. They’re not. We’re all just observing life from our own side of the bed, and “center” looks a lot different on each side. If you’re not willing to see an issue from another person’s eyeballs, at least have a little respect for the fact that they have a different vantage point than you. They’re not the devil. They’re not stupid. They’re not crazy. They’re not pathetic. They’re just not you…and that’s probably a good thing.