How To Deal With A Bad Room-Mate
Personally, what I think is- your room-mate in college life decides a lot of things; directly or indirectly. They may even affect your mentality and behaviour in the society. They may affect your academics, behaviour, likes and dislikes and there are many other factors; of course either in a good or a bad way. If you're room-mate is good then you'll automatically have a good overall behaviour and if you're room-mate is a bitch (as what I would call), then you better check out!
Talking about myself, I've been unlucky enough to get a bit "odd" room-mate. By "odd" I actually mean "bad", though! This was my first ever experience in hostel and I didn't had a good start...not at all!
The disadvantages of having a bad room-mate
- A bad room-mate can affect you're studies.
- A bad room-mate can influence you to do bad things which may include wrong behaviour, bad language, do illegal things etc.
- A bad room-mate may develop an inferiority complex in you. Because they're usually underestimating you, pointing your negative points etc.
- A bad room-mate can affect your image too! In my hostel I have some girls who are now a very good friends of mine but earlier they were not interested in talking with me, just because they thought that I would be just like my room-mate! Also, when my room-mate developed some issues with a guy; the guy directly blamed me too for what happened- for the reason that I'm her room-mate, even though I was not involved in that matter!
How to know if you're room-mate is bad!?
Trust me you'll know! Very easily. But here are some points, which I experienced and I believe is a sign of a bad room-mate. You call your room-mate bad:
- if they're not what they actually shows! It's the starter.
- if they back-bitch "wrong things" about you then you should be careful! This is what my room-mate used to do about me. She used to back-bitch about me and on my face she used to show me that she’s a very good friend. Whatever bad things she used to do, to others she used to tell that I did those things! Like this she even made three of my friends against me. They were not even talking to me and I didn’t knew what had actually happened until one day I spoke something against my roommate in-front of them. And this was quite a long time later since she made my friends against me, so by then they also had realized about her character. They then told me what she had told them about me! What I heard was horrible and disappointing.
- if you're room-mate is mean! Room-mates, they share things. Which is very common and yes, sometimes it even helps you to save some money; to both the room-mates. In my case, my room-mate always tries to utilize me as a source of all the facilities. Whatever it be. She don’t want to contribute money on the things we both are using. She wants me to take care of all the expenses; as if I’m the great great granddaughter of Queen Victoria!
- if you're room-mate starts singing or shows great love to you- when you're studying! My room-mate disturbs me whenever I’m studying. When she sees me studying she starts singing, and do all the things which disturbs me. She even hugs me and say cute things in order to show me how much she loves me!
- if you're room-mate is opening your cupboard in you're absence without your permission! Yes, they may do that. My room-mate used to open my cupboard without my permission in my absence and use my thing. Eatables, cosmetics and what not! I used to realize very easily that someone has done something with my things. Actually, it was strange, but the key for both of our cupboard was same! Although I used to lock my cupboard, it was of no use. However, I changed the locking system now.
- if your room-mate is turning off your alarm, especially during exams! Yes, my room-mate used to do that. Instead of waking me up, she used to turn my alarm off!
- if your room-mate is not sound morally! My room-mate make fun of others in a cheap way. Having fun is good and pulling your friend’s leg is sweet, I believe. But it gets cheap when it starts hurting your friend’s feelings. She did this to one of my batch mates. Her behaviour towards that girl was very bad and this happened 2 days later when we got to the hostel for the first time! I was the only one (in the group of 5 who came to the college at the earliest) who was against this action of hers and because of this she even started making fun of me! Surprisingly the group also supported her in this cheap task! This was the first incidence which made me to start hating her. After this I started to keep distance the whole group and believe me this was the best decision ever!
These were a few major incidences but there are many more.
The Thing To Remember!
The only person who can add any changes to your life should be YOU. Don't let your bad room-mate affect your life. It's your life, your business, your present and your future. None of these belong to your room-mate! Be yourself and love yourself!
How to deal with a bad room-mate?
This is important. If you don’t have much of experience of hostel life then I hope these tips will help you.
- First of all, if somebody’s action is affecting you morally, keep a long distance from that person. That person is not of your kind and you may end up fighting with them, which is not always good. And if you see that the person is doing something bad to others you should not support them because other people are always watching you. And they may start hating you, as what has happened to the rest of the group. My batchmates supports me and understands me. They understand my situation; living with a psycho-path! But the rest group was spoiled by my roommate. As in 4th point I mentioned about one of my batchmate, it did hurt me a lot because this is not what I’ve learned morally. So if they can’t understand the feelings of a living human being, do you think they are morally sound??
- Never carry out the expenses in excess for anybody. Small treats and gift should be there for good friends but if your roommate is using your things and not contributing for what you both need, you better keep your things in cupboard.
- Speak directly. If you don’t want to do a thing, say a direct NO! This is what I always do and it helps a lot. She’s scared of me as what people has told me. ;-) Now she don’t dares to misbehave or tries to do bad things to me because I always give a back reply and that in a manner which avoids “cat-fights”.
- Never let the person know that you hate her. This is a tip which my mother gave to me before I got to hostel. This will be very useful for you because you have to live with those people for your entire college life.
- Be yourself. Don’t try to change yourself and be a “bad-girl (boy)”- considering it as cool! I have some examples here. Some of my friends found my room-mate very "cool" for her behaviour and now her influence is seen in their character (behaviour).
- Don't believe in what they say, blindly. As I mentioned that a bad room mate will always underestimate you; may be because either they're jealous or don't want you to excell. They're afraid of your confidence and want to see you lose. So never take what they say seriously. Never underestimate yourself. Also, never develop a feeling of hatred for anybody without knowing them- just because your room-mate (or a friend) has said anything wrong about them. Try to know a person before developing any kind of feeling for them.
- Lastly, never try to do what others do to you. Let them do, what they want to do because you can't stop them. The only thing you can do is be cautious so that they may not harm you physically, mentally or economically. If they back-bitch, let them do. Such people are never loved by others and never stay away from the spot-light. They don't realize how much the "viewers" back-bitch about them. ;-)
Living with such a room-mate is not a fun at all! So, whenever you get the chance, try to move out. If you prefer to live in college campus then change the room-mate and if you prefer to go out then select some good friends to live together. As for me, I'm still living with this nightmare but I'll change my room-mate soon. And I'm glad now the situation is under control!
These were a few tips which I find useful after experiencing all these. Although you can manage according to what suits your situation appropriately. Be neutral and love everybody. If your room-mate "acts" smart then show them that you're smarter! ;-)