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How to Deal With Annoying Pests

Updated on July 18, 2020
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth, loves satire and writings to spotlight others, but he also has an "addiction" so to speak, to dramatic and abstract/prose poetry.

He is a non-stop talker. Talk about getting on the nerves.
He is a non-stop talker. Talk about getting on the nerves. | Source

Before We Head Onward, a Note

just what is a pest? Okay. In a word, people who are too neat, too loud, eats with fingers (when utensils are called for), they are very judgemental, they condemn those who do not bother them, they lift themselves ahead others (me included), it is a miracle that these pests are able to get dates, and when you read this lecture, you will understand why there are so many angry girls and guys who have dealt with the annoying pests that I am referring to. (Kenneth).

This is About Couples, Not Termites, but Couples

and how they love being together. They just love (love). And after this couple fall in love, their dating relationship is becomes special. They love to go to bed and get out of bed with the first thought in their minds: their mate. Some couples go as far as to change the name of their first-born. Example: instead of Louise, this couple names Lovie to their son«s first name. He or she loves their mate«s little laughter, grin, and funny look. In fact, there is nothing about their mate that the other one does not like. It is love I tell you. Love. Near-perfect in every way.

But as you all know, not every couple is as deep in love as the ones in the paragraph above. Some such as yours truly and possibly lot of you who are reading this hub, who«s patience is shorn to the bone, our nerves are shot, and we have no choice, but to get ouf of those once-lovey-dovey relationshps who were first loved in those beautiful summer afternoons somewhere in a city park in New Jersey, home of Bon Jovi.

Let«s break this down. There a various degrees of being a pure pest. From the smallest, maybe a crack in our date«s inability to say „aluminum,” to the highest degree: causing us and those around us a lot of discomfort no matter if we are riding a two-person bicycle or dining in a wonderful cafe somewhere in Paris, France.

What I am going to do is give you a normal setting and put you and that pure pest with you and when they become nasty (without knowing it), you can declare war on them and hopefully get them to see how much embarrassment that they are causing you and those around you. This is a free offering. No expensive bills will be charged by Dr. Joyce Brothers tag teamed by Dr. Phil. I promise.

A pest interrupts every chance they get.
A pest interrupts every chance they get. | Source

Are You Taking Notes?

When you are in a theater and that obnoxious date is causing you to be humiliated, simply start doing the tips below . . .

When the box office hit film begins and there is a pretty girl or man in the scene, if you are girl or guy, begin to make various animal sounds – donkey braying; elephants trumpeting and tigers growling. Throw in a little of a hungry Lobo wolf barking, and bam! You are not longer bothered by your obnoxious date.

As the theatre is growing dark, wait until your date falls asleep (which you despise), then pinch his tender arm flesh with your thumb and index finger and look like he was dreaming when he yelled like a frightened rooster. Yell for the theater manager for your obnoxious date has made you uneasy. Then shrug your shoulders with a stern look.

Be sure to flirt with your hands to the handsome girl or man who is sitting in the row in front of you. Speak loudly, I love you madly! Fly with me Asian lover! Soon, that obnoxious date will be gone in a cloud of anger.

As you collect your popcorn and candy bar, (which he or she has bought for you), when he or she tears off the wrapper of his goodies, without one word of warning and reach over him and take several scoops of his popcorn and all of his candy. Put your goodies in plain sight and when he reaches for them, slap his hand so loudly that the theater usher has to come to your seats and of course, you make it a point to cause your date to take the blame. Way to flirt, girl! Or Guy

Pests And The Restaurant Scene

If you are a girl or guy who has a „thorn in the flesh” going to a fine restaurant by your obnoxious tag-along „date” . . .

If your steak is delivered before your date start gobbling-up the meat like a ravenous dog. Let the juice from the steak run out of your mouth, let take huge bites of your rolls, and then ask your date, if you love me, you will kiss me . . .Now! (Speak all of this loudly.)

Guys or girls? If you find out that the nice person who said that they wanted to date you becomes so clingly and obsessive, here are a few things for you to do in order to gain your freedom:

Sneak a bullfrog into your coat pocket and when you and your clingy date get on the road, take the frog and introduce him to her and you do not smile whatsoever/

At the local sports grill, you order double snacks, wings, drinks, and eat them like you we on a three-week Starvation Diet, and when the bill comes, you smack your lips and tell your girlfriend, oops! Guess I left my wallet at home. Take care of this. (Do not say thanks eiher.)

When you go to pick up your clingy female person, tell her that you have something special to do tonight. She is then beyond excitement. You tell her to lay down in the floor on your stomachs. Your turn out the lights and put out the candles. She is growing ready for love. But at the righ time, you click on her TV and say, huneee, just had to watch the 22nd Love Boat Reunion. Oh, you can bring me some snacks. Got any popcorn?

Drop in to her house without calling and then take a gorgeous girl cousin (that your clingy girl does not know) and she latches on to you like a steel trap. Then your „date” gets irate and yells at you to answer why you have another girl on your arm? Then wihtout any answer, you open the front door and whistle for your beautiful girl cousin«s equally-beautiful sister to join you.

Girls,do not be deceived. A nice-talking pest is can also be annoying
Girls,do not be deceived. A nice-talking pest is can also be annoying | Source

Time To Call Up The Big Guns

guys and girls, no one has ever advised any couple to use all of the „Dating Defense” as seen in above text. Fact is, you can do as much damage by doing those little things that drive pests away from you. Girls, be nice on Mr. Pest every moment from the time you leave your home to go to the ballet. Then on the way home, Mr. Pest will assuredly ask if you had a great time. You say, ohhh, yeah. Sure. Then look out of the passenger window. Mr. Pest almost has to park because you have not complimeted his choice of rough ballets. He begins to give you a third degree by wanting you to tell him why you did not jump-up and dance for watching such a ho-hum dance troup. Did I do something to upset you? You reply very petty, no. He asks what? Again, you reply »cause. Keep this going until he takes you to your door and then do not offer to kiss him or shake his hands. Please do not invite him to come in for coffee.

A simple, but effective Anti-Pest Exercise is when your pest is really a non-talking sort. They never stop. They never make any sense talking about one subject until they leap to anoher one. Some pests have even been accused to talk loudly as they sit on the commode of their girlfriend«s house talking loudly to get their girlfriend to hear them. Did you say, Peeping Tom? But this tip always works. When the Non-Stop Talker finally takes a breath, you immediately ask them, do you like my new dress? At the just moment when the talker starts speaking, you jump in and ask sharply, what did you say was wrong with it? What? Did I receive this from my Aunt Jenn? Oh, you are nothing but a giant mouth. We are over. Go home!

Now that I think of it, the „going home,” line should have done in the beginning? I apologize. I am really not a pest, a non-talking pest or shower-peeper. Really!

July 18, 2020_______________________________________________________

© 2020 Kenneth Avery


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