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How to Handle a Grudge

Updated on July 31, 2012

"Those who have closed their eyes in the past and avoid the present, will miss the doors of the future"- Brandon Jared Martin


Are you one of these people? Are you still holding that grudge that you developed during the last fight, or argument, with a loved one or stranger? Has it done you any good holding that grudge?... If so, then go ahead and explain. I'm listening.

What is a Grudge?

A grudge is a developed hatred, one person develops towards another person or people, constantly occupying their perceptions of the opposite party.

Why Do We Hold Onto Grudges?

For some people, a grudge is a form of personal empowerment or domination, when the grudge-holder confronts their 'enemy'. When you hold onto an old grudge that has not settled in your mind, you might feel like you have something against the other person. A grudge may develop an intimidating behavior.

When someone holds a grudge, it could be a way of coping with a loss of comfort due to a sudden change or argument. The individual holding the grudge

Are Grudges and Jealousy Similar?

First let's tackle down what jealousy really is. What is it? Jealousy is a desire... it is the desire to have something out of your reach. Jealousy can be similar to a grudge in the way that it causes raised emotions and offensive/defensive behaviors, thoughts or language.

A grudge is different from jealousy through its chronology of events. An argument might break out over one's jealous behaviors where they fail at attempting to cover it up. A grudge may develop here or in the beginning where the grudge is what causes a form of jealousy when the opposite party appears to have more or get more attention.

Ultimately a grudge might develop into a form of jealousy, or the jealousy might form into a grudge. Make sense?

A Few Effects From Holding A Grudge

  • Psychological repression
  • seclusion of one's self along with the development (socially withdrawn) of mood swings and abnormal behaviors
  • heart conditions (heart disease, heart attack...)
  • High blood pressure
  • seizures or the development of other nervous disorders

How to Handle a Grudge

Every person holding a grudge, might hold it for different reasons. Take a step back and look at the other person. Who do you think deserves better, you or them? If you are going to be the big kid who wants to be respected for doing the right thing, remember this "forgive, but never forget".

Avoid placing yourself in the position of starting another argument and holding a grudge. If you have family or kids look at the symptoms this ridiculous stuff can cause to your own well-being. There are too many people in this world and too much to do than to worry about one.

If the individual you're having conflicts with does however, start acting nice to you again, be respectful by being nice for a few seconds, and then politely walk away. You don't want to be looked at as a fool (I hope not) or be disrespected back by that person and their friends, and eventually by the whole domino set.

Take a second to weigh out the non-beneficial outcomes of holding a grudge and/or taking action upon those feelings that tag along with it. It will never be worth more than your own sanity, well-being, or any other losses such as family or friends (or even pets).

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      Laurinzo Scott 5 years ago

      Very good hub, and with the suggestions the you make here, it says you are wise beyond your youth . It is amazing how we hold onto things that hurt only us, and not the object of our ire.

    • Brandon Martin profile image
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      Brandon Martin 5 years ago from Colorado, USA

      Thank you very much Laurinzo Scott.

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