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How to Safely Win Against a Bully. Age 6 Through 86. For everyone. Step up!!
A fireman habitually telling people what to do or be arrested is not a bully.
Bullying is everywhere. Defeating a bully is not that difficult.
What would it take to make a bully stop bullying? Just sit back and give it some thought. There are two types of bullies. Ones that pick out one person and bully them. And ones that are just by their nature bullies. The first one is a little bit scary and the second is normally just a nuisance. The first one needs to be dealt with one way and the second a different way. Although some notions overlap.
First think of bully nations. Some nations just bully other nations. Perhaps the USA is a bully nation. But it would not appear as though they really do want to go around and bully other nations. Although again it looks like they do. Why? Both why do they do it and why does it look like they do?
Probably they do it to protect their own interests around the world. Probably they look like they do it because they are the biggest kid on the block and force other nations to act like they want them to act. But really that is not bullying so let us define bullying by using wiki - why not?
"Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets."
So it would seem almost axiomatic that a nation that bullies would be filled with bullies. Whoa! Not so fast. Bullying is not for the sake of a desired result other than the dominion over another. That is really essential to understand for many reasons.
It is not bullying to engage in the above defined behavior if the goal and result is to keep peace and to further justice. i.e, some bullies should be bullied.
They crucified Him but did not bully him.
This is not easy to get a handle on but it is essential.
Some children will be more powerful than others, get over it. Less powerful children should not be directed to complain about this fact. 6-18 in school is the learning grounds. I never ever did meet a bully in 3rd grade that was in any position to bully by 12th grade. It just does not work that way. Some just out grow it, some get outgrown and some end up in jail by 18 years old. You get maybe 2 children out of 100 that are physically adept beyond peers at at 7 and still that way at age 17 and they are normally star athletes and not interested in bullying. Classic movies to the contrary are still probably at about 1% and that is nothing to worry about.
Let us move along to what you want to know about taking the power from and defeating a bully.
Sue was probably a bully growing up. He probably was the toughest kid around.
Campaigns stop bullies.
By about kindergarten a child should be well enough adjusted to say things about other children. Right or wrong they should be able to tell one child something about another child and the teacher about mom walking around the house naked. They should be able to "rat" on another child that treats them wrongly. If they cannot you need to examine if you are a competent parent and double question the intelligence of not putting the child in pre-school because you wanted to be all earthy momma and not let them "go" yet.
(note right here that if your child is the whimpy problem that just begs to be bullied -- that is on you and not on the bully. I have raised a few children and never ever saw a child in a wheelchair being bullied) This all applies to adults and on and off line bullying.
So you campaign. Grow a set and start talking smack about the bully. Get ten folks to follow you to talk smack about the bully. Tell authorities about the bully. Write a dang song about the bully. Call the cops on the bully. Tell the bully's family about the bully. Write a blog about the bully. Take out an ad about the bully.
Notice we did not say do one of these things we said to do them all! Otherwise it would no be a campaign. Nobody can handle that onslaught of publicity, no one. They will give up.
Anyone who cannot do the preceding is not being bullied. End of that story. If you can not be human enough to do for yourself at all, then the problem is not the bully but you. Bullying takes two.
And so we come to the real fact of the matter. If you know of someone who is being bullied, do not concentrate on the bully. Concentrate on the "bullied". We all recognize that there is something wrong with a bully and the above remedy will fix that problem. But that is really not the problem.
Do you think "healthy" people get bullied?
What is wrong with the person you know that is being bullied -- be honest.
Face the facts.
Look at who claims to be bullied. Really the situation of the nerdy kid being stuffed in a garbage can or pants run up a flagpole is very Hollywood and old school. Today's bullies prey on the damaged underdeveloped socially handicapped individual. Normal people use 3 techniques: leave, avoid and do not put up with it.
Bullies in the old days could really beat you up if you acted back. Today they get put in jail if they do that kind of thing. Cyber bullying is just somebody whimping out. Nobody is compelled to put up with stuff on line. They can either fight back or leave -- end of story.
Bullies and Bullied are both nurtured that way.
Captured by coercion
Do you really think that work places and schools are not now aware of such issues as bullying. Remember this. Real tough guys and gals do not bully. They pick fights and engage. So a bully is a wannabe tough guy. I promise whether it be in school or at work, you can find a tough guy who just loves bullies to beat on or abuse back. This writer knows. A tough guy knows there are two fights to fight. Stupid ones, and ones that make you look good. Whooping on a bully does both.
I remember an alcoholic came to me and said, "Eric I have been drinking a whole lot lately" -- I asked her, "are you the last one to know?" Same goes for bullies. Turn them in. If they are really bullies, chances are good that you are the last one to know.
Steal my stuff and I will bully you!
This article was written by Eric Dierker. I reserve all rights to this article and desire no duplication without attribution. On the other hand feel free to share the content just let folks know where it came from. Copying it and claiming it as your own would be stupid and subject you to my legal harassment of you. Besides if someone asked you what it meant you would not know so yes it is copyright protected as original work by me.
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