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How to Spot an Environmentalist

Updated on April 16, 2013

Step one: Look in the mirror

As long as you’re not a zombie, a slave, a sucker, or a sadomasochist, you’re an environmentalist.

What makes us happy is being healthy. What makes us healthy is our environment and how we respond to it. If our environment is clean then we can breath the air, drink the water, and eat the food in that environment without worrying if it's all healthy or not. If it isn't clean then we have to worry. Worry leads to stress and stress leads to unhappiness. The leading cause of unhappiness is an unhealthy unclean environment. If you care then you are naturally an environmentalist. If you don't care then you are either a zombie, a slave, a sucker, or a sadomasochist. So it goes.

Step two: Ask yourself if you like breathing clean air.

If the answer is yes, you’re an environmentalist. If the answer is no, you’re either a zombie or a slave.

Only a zombie would walk around not caring if they are breathing clean air. Because, hey, they're already dead. All they care about are brains and how to get them. A slave would also be unconcerned about clean air, because all they would be worried about is appeasing their master. If there master is telling them the air is clean, they have no choice but to believe it, even if the air isn't clean. Slaves just want to get through the day without getting "whipped." So it goes.

Step Three: Ask yourself if you like drinking clean water.

If the answer is yes, you’re an environmentalist. If the answer is no, you’re a zombie.

Again, zombies just have one thing on their mind: brains! They could care less about water. You can't get this one by a slave though. And even if you could, they would eventually break down and not be of any use to their master.

Step Four: Ask yourself if you like eating healthy food.

If the answer is yes, you’re an environmentalist. If the answer is no, you’re either a zombie who enjoys human brains or a sucker to commercial media, fast food, Monsanto et al. If the answer is yes & no, you’re an experimenter/scientist who hopefully uses caution and moderation in your practices.

One could argue that human brains are "healthy" to a zombie, but we're not talking about zombies possibly being environmentalists. We're talking about YOU being an environmentalist. If you've already concluded that you're a zombie, please, proceed with the "human brains are healthy" argument. If not, read on.

Step Five: Ask yourself if you enjoy engaging with healthy people.

If the answer is yes, you’re an environmentalist. If the answer is no, you’re either a sadomasochist or a zombie. If the answer is yes & no, you’re an experimenter who hopefully uses caution and moderation in your practices.

Zombies don't care if people are healthy or not. They just want brains. Sadomasochists, however, seek out unhealthy individuals to act out their sick fantasies upon, because they know a healthy person wouldn't allow them to.

We’re all environmentalists, some of us just aren’t aware of it yet.

If you like breathing clean air, eating healthy food, and drinking clean water then you are, by default, an environmentalist. If you’d rather live in a healthy environment than a polluted environment then you are an environmentalist. It really is that simple.

If you are not living in a healthy environment, then you must ask yourself: what am I doing to achieve a healthy environment. If you act with courage in order to achieve a healthy environment, you’re an environmentalist. If you do nothing, you’re a zombie, a sucker, a slave, or a sadomasochist. Choose wisely.


Environmentalist: an eco-conscious human being.

Experimenter: a human being who experiments with life. Caveat! Without moderation and caution, experimentation could lead to becoming a zombie or a slave.

Sadomasochist: a human being who gets pleasure from acts involving the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation.

Slave: a human being who is forced to be a piece of property for another human being.

Sucker: a human being who has been duped, tricked, swindled, deceived, bamboozled, brainwashed, hoodwinked or fooled into believing something that is either not true and/or is unhealthy.

Zombie: a living dead thing, or dead living thing, without brains that has an overwhelming hunger for brains.


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