How to Be a Democrat
Good Morning, Breakfastpoppers. Today is Tuesday, May 6, 2014. Our noisy friend, Cicada Chiquita, is here with me at the breakfast table. She has been observing Democrats for quite a while now and she has some suggestions for those who aspire to be a modern Democrat. Please join us for breakfast this morning. We are serving ham and eggs with a refreshing Bloody Mary instead of coffee. We hope to see you soon.
Hello, my fine human family. Thank you so much for joining me. We have a lot of ground to cover this morning, so let's get started.
Dems are Not Born
Today's Dems are not born, they are created. Many forces will come to bear upon you.You will deal with the political leanings of your parents, the pressure from your peers, the power of the news media and the prejudices of television, movie producers and pop culture. Once the decision is made to become a card carrying member of the Democratic Party, it is absolutely essential to rid yourself of any and all facts that contradict the party platform. In order to accomplish this successfully, you must watch only approved mainstream media news outlets. You must avoid the fair and balanced Fox News station, because hearing both sides of an issue is not advisable. It is recommended that you learn from the masters. Studying statements from the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are a must. Take note of these superstar's refusal to tell the truth. Truth is vastly overrated. Winning and manipulation are everything. Nancy Pelosi suggests that you support and pass legislation without reading it. Follow her example. Harry Reid accuses innocent people of heinous crimes. Follow his example.
No Voter I.D.!
It is essential that you strongly oppose any attempt to require Americans to produce identification at the voting booth. Voter I.D. is an anathema to proud Democrats. We need all the votes we can get and if people have to vote several times in order in insure our victory, so be it! Keep in mind that we are looking for ignorant voters who like to be led like sheep. Prepare to lead them to the polls and encourage them to vote as many times as possible, in as many states as possible.
Finger Pointing 101
A good Democrat is an expert at pointing fingers. When anything goes wrong, whip out your finger and point it at a Republican. It is essential that you accuse Republicans of everything from climate change to the horror of Benghazi. Republicans are at the heart of everything that is wrong with America. Let this be your mantra. Live it, act it and above all believe it. President Obama is a shining example of how to elevate finger pointing into an art form. Just the other day, in his weekly speech to the nation, he told the nation that all of our problems would be solved if the Republicans would just cooperate. Republicans are wasting precious time in their quest to reveal the truth about the Benghazi terror attack. Republicans are wasting the nation's time in their desire to find out why American citizens were left to die in Benghazi. Republicans are barking up the wrong tree when they dare to suggest that Hillary Clinton is responsible for this massacre. Republicans are guilty of keeping the nation from moving forward because they want answers to questions only they find troubling. Trust me when I say that the American people don't care about Benghazi or the IRS scandal. Americans care about food stamps, welfare, free health insurance and unemployment insurance. A good Democrat caters to the needs of the part of the population that needs big government. A good Democrat rewards sloth. A good Democrat applauds people who have lost interest in employment and have removed themselves from the job market. Less people actively searching for employment make the employment stats look good. Why let people who have given up mess up the reports. Participation in the work force matches a 36 year low of 62.8 percent. Never allow these numbers to see the light of day. If they do, denounce them as Republican lies.
Let's Party for the Party!
I will leave aspiring Democrats with these final words. If you are tired of hearing about the Founding Father's, the Democratic Party is for you. If you are sick of the tired Constitution, the Democratic Party is for you. If you enjoy seeing America fall from prominence and importance in the world, the Democratic Party is for you. If you believe that most Americans are gullible, malleable and stupid, the Democratic Party is for you. If you disagree, make some noise!
Cicada Chiquita's Song
I'm Cicada Chiquita and I'm here to say
The Dems would love it
If you flew away....