I Hope to be Recincarnated as a Private Eye
It's very simple
my wanting to be incarnated as a private investigator. And anyone, man, woman, or beast, should understand why I have this yearning to be a P.I.
I won't bore you with chit-chat. I am just going to "spill the beans" and let you judge me for my choice.
Reasons why "I" want to be a private eye
- Pretty women as clients. I have never watched any vintage movie with "Bogie," or any rough and tumble-type of guy who worked as a P.I. who didn't have a beautiful divorcee as his client. Instant-companionship. A pretty good reason to be a P.I.
- Staying up late. Yes, the private eye's I have watched never keep a 9 to 5 schedule. These dedicated guys get paid by the day and they want to do their clients a good job, so many times they have to go on a "stake out," to study their client as well as the thugs causing her trouble.
- Personal appearance. Private eyes seldom shave or shower unless their pretty girl clients ask them to escort them to a private club for some "r and r" (e.g.) dancing, champagne, and relaxing while sharing intimate facts about each other's lives.
- Hard-drinking. Sam Spade, Don Diamond, and the "old school" private eye's drank hard liquor on a frequent basis. For a quick pick-me-up, they all had a pint of whiskey stashed in their desks so they could get a "shot" before going back on the trail of the pretty girl criminal who was threatening their pretty girl client.
My choice for
"the" consummate private detective would have to be William Hopper, who was famous for his role as, "Paul Drake," who made big bucks working for the super-lawyer, "Perry Mason."
For Drake's day, Hollywood did an outstanding job of building and molding "Drake," as a "man's man," cigarette-smoking, women-chasing, liquor-guzzling man about town. What a cover to keep thugs from knowing what he did for al living. And while he was tracking a would-be criminal for Mason, just look at the great time Drake had with the blonds, brunettes at the clubs he frequented to get the necessary facts about the thug he was chasing from several bartenders who were good friends of "Drake," for the many favors he had done them over the years.
I'd like to be like "Paul Drake" for the following reasons:
- Good-looking. No woman could say no to his tough, great-built P.I> He knew how to handle himself in tough situations and most pretty girls love that in a man.
- Confident. Watch any Perry Mason where "Paul Drake" has a part and you will soon see just how he takes over any room he enters by just speaking. No other man on television with the exception of James Arness "Matt Dillon," had that type of confidence.
- Drove a convertible. This was the sign that "Paul Drake" was hip, cool, and knew his way around the scene. Pretty girls, clients or not, loved to let their long blond hair fly in the wind as "Drake" drove them down a secluded beach at midnight--of course to gather needed-facts to help "Perry Mason," with a serious case he was working on.
- Smoked. Cigarettes without asking if anyone minded. Smoking cigarettes was the mark of a seasoned-private eye. But I do not smoke, nor do I condone smoking in this hub.
For a high I.Q.
in a private eye, I wouldn't mind being the great Oriental sleuth, "Charlie Chan."
I have watched all of his movies--spellbound as he and his "Number One son," got involved with numerous shady characters and it looked to me like "Chan" was a goner, but all of a sudden, he was calling the shots to the amazement of "Number One son."
Reasons why I cannot be another "Charlie Chan":
- Cool and calm. This was "Charlie Chan." He never lost his cool no matter how many were shooting at him. He stood firm, quiet, and on top of the case. I am not like this. I get flustered way too easy and apt to panic if a bullet whizzes by my ear.
- Sharp-dressed. "Charlie Chan," never investigated any case in a t-shirt and flip-flops. He represented style, class and respect not just for the client, but for himself and his lovely homeland.
- Precise. Can easily describe "Charlie Chan's" method of investigation. Whereas "Number One" son was bumbling and running-off at the mouth and excited at seeing a woman in some upper-window undressing, "Charlie Chan" was unmoved, calculating, and always finding the guilty parties.
I was worried about having to speak Chinese as "Chan," but in the reincarnation process, anything is possible.
Honorable mention private eye's
You know how I feel
about slackers who live off of others, so I will not go into lengthy-detail to tell you the "only" television P.I., I wouldn't want to be: Tom Selleck who starred on "Magnum, P.I.," on CBS in the 80's. He was too lazy and sometimes to lax in getting the job done. Unlike his predecessors, "Magnum" loved to party with his Vietnam vet buddies, "Rick," and "T.C.," while beating "Higgins," the curator of author, "Robin Masters," mansion where he lived. Another reason I do not want to come back as "Magnum," is because I do not look good in moustache.
Now I could get used to
coming back to this life as James Garner who starred as "Jim Rockford," on NBC's "Rockford Files." "Rockford," a single guy, ex-Los Angeles police officer, living in a mobile home with his retired-cop dad, Noah Berry, was destined for greatness. And Garner played the part of "Rockford" perfectly. His laid-back lifestyle was not as obvious as that of "Magnum," Although he always caught or uncovered the crooks, he was seldom happy when he was a winner. I love winning and would share my good feelings with friends. On second thought, coming back as "Rockford," I do not think so.
Peter Falk as "Columbo." From his wrinkled raincoat to his stub of a cigar. Falk didn't just play "Columbo," he "was" Lt. Columbo."
Here are my reasons for liking "Columbo"
- His investigating style confused the witnesses into telling him with their nervous-actions that they knew more than they let on.
- He always mentioned his wife no matter what the case. This was a nice touch.
- He never demanded respect from the lower-ranking officers. "Columbo" did his job and that was that.
For me living a second lifetime as "Columbo," is not exciting to me. "Columbo," was too slow and methodical for my part.
If I am doing a job, I like to get it done and either go home or relax.
My last two honorable mentions
"Sherlock Holmes," the legendary, even fabled investigator or back then he was an inspector who worked for Scotland Yard, "the" most-prestigious law enforcement agency in the world. and
"Patrick Jayne," "The Mentalist," played by Simon Baker.
Of the two characters, "Holmes," is "the" true investigator through and through while "Jayne," is simply an overly-keen observer of people in and around cases he helps to solve.
"Sherlock Holmes," has been portrayed numerous times on stage and screen by many acclaimed actors, and probably will continue as long as there is crime to be investigated, but sadly, the adventures of "Patrick Jayne," will only be seen on DVD's and television networks like USA and TNT.
I didn't know that choosing whom we want to be was so tough when we are reincarnated, but I have narrowed my choice for private eye down to one . . .and I bet you cannot guess whom I chose?
I would tell you but, "Ahhh, so. I have publishing to do. Excuse please."