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I Was a Feminist, Then I Came to My Senses

Updated on February 13, 2017

I used to be a feminist. Now I'm not.

After the miraculous results of the recent election, some intensely convincing Odyssey articles overflowing my Facebook timeline, and nineteen years spent in a patriarchal society, I came to a realization:

it’s about time I learned my place.

Feminists, let's be real: You're a bunch of petty attention seekers.

I’ve spent my fair share of time prancing around in skimpy outfits demanding “equality” and “respect”, even toting a megaphone along to some sappy protests--and I did it all for show. Nope, not a moment of my limited time was devoted to fighting for a pure and worthy cause I truly care about, nor was I exercising my truly patriotic right of dissent; I did it to be noticed.

It’s embarrassing, really.


Hate to break it to you, ladies, but American women have it pretty good.

We can work in any professional field we choose to and earn only 20% less than our male counterparts, serve in the military with just a slim 35% chance of experiencing rape or sexual assault, and after a century of laborious efforts we were graciously awarded the basic right to vote. What more could we possibly want? According to greedy feminists, the list is infinite.

The recent push to preserve “reproductive rights”, a prominent item on the feminist agenda, is simply ludicrous.

Please, any idiot knows that a minuscule cluster of cells inside the uterus is more valuable than a woman’s right to her own body. Inability to care for a child, rape, or god-forbid intrauterine death-- whatever your excuse--you should’ve considered these things beforehand, girls, because abortion is MURDER.

And what’s all this “Free the Nipple” crap?

Ladies, your bodies are sexual objects. A self respecting female would never walk around topless, flaunting the exact same anatomical features as a man. And breastfeeding in public? Disgusting; traumatizing to children and adults alike. How can feminists expect to avoid harassment or cat-calling when they’re practically throwing themselves at the opposite sex? Honestly, it’s no wonder radical women are always complaining--no man in his right mind wants to be with a woman who demands equality !

The “discrimination” feminists so valiantly battle is a complete and utter manifestation of their victim-mindset

As an upper-middle class, straight, white women who has never truly experienced oppression, my personal views are undoubtedly reflective of the struggles faced by ALL women--regardless of their race, sexuality, or socio-economic status. A life of quiet complacency is a life well spent, my friends. Powerful, free thinking women are a threat to the patriarchy--and why would we ever want to challenge the foundations of American society?

I used to be a feminist, then I came to my senses. I hope you will, too.

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