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I don't want to be a Drug Addict Anymore

Updated on June 29, 2015
Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin is a former tobacco user who hopes his experience with the drug can help others quit.

She had been home with us about a month. So tiny, so fragile, and so new. I held her in my arms and looked into her big brown eyes, and it was at that moment something clicked that hadn’t clicked in the last 19 years. I don’t want to be a drug addict anymore.

The thought process was really that simple. Sure I could attribute it to something higher: God, a need to model healthy behavior for my firstborn child, or wanting to be around long enough to at least see her graduate high school. And these would all be noble enough reasons, I suppose, but the truth, for once in my life, was simpler than that. Baby was starting life anew and why couldn’t I do the same with her? This reasoning was bolstered by an overwhelming sense that my attempt at breaking this addiction was going to work this time because it was going to work this time.

Our will may always come from within, but inspiration often comes from without.
Our will may always come from within, but inspiration often comes from without. | Source

An Unorthodox Methodology

I’ve now been clean for 7 months. I quit cold turkey without the aid of a rehab center, books, hypnosis, or medications. This was not a result of me playing it tough. I gladly would have sought some manner of rehabilitation, but because of various constraints, most financial in nature, any such help was not within my reach.

Since I would be quitting on my own, I decided I would do it my own way. In the past when I had tried to quit, I junked all my stash. Having tried to get clean several times, I’ve noticed that disposing of what I had on hand made me feel helpless, like quitting was no longer a process I was a part of. This time I’ve kept my drugs. It has been my decision not to use them, not someone else’s.

Like any speed addict, I was worried that I wouldn’t have the energy to function without drugs. I’m a stay at home parent, and like most stay at home parents, I have many kettles in the fire. I take care of my daughter all day, I work from home as a writer, I maintain our land, I am our resident fixit man, our primary cooker and cleaner, I have elderly family to look after. In other words, I keep busy.

This time I’ve kept my drugs. It has been my decision not to use them, not someone else’s.

When you love someone with all your heart, it doesn't matter how tired you are.
When you love someone with all your heart, it doesn't matter how tired you are. | Source

A Perpetual Fog

When I first quit, I was tired all the time, but luckily baby was, too. Had my wife not truly loved me, I would have been out on the street, because my mood swings were wild. My depression caused me to think things I don’t care to go into detail about here: paranoia, feelings of inadequacy, fear and loathing followed me in almost everything I did. Then I’d look at baby, and as if by magic, it would turn out the strength was there all along. I’m going to succeed this time because I’m going to succeed, I’d think to myself, and it was just that simple.

I didn’t pull my weight in the beginning. For the first couple of months all of life was a fog, but I just kept pushing forward, telling myself, Each moment I‘m sober puts me one step closer to being where I want to be. I would wake from sleep in a state of absolute exhaustion, and just wouldn’t care to live anymore. Then baby would need me and I’d find that missing will to live.

Each moment I‘m sober puts me one step closer to being where I want to be.

Question and Answer

Has your life been impacted by drug addiction?

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Forecast Calls for more Sun with a Chance of Fog

Things have slowly gotten clearer. It is not so much that the fog has completely lifted as that it goes away more often now. The breaking of an addiction does not follow a linear path. I’ll be great for a bit, and then the hammer of chemical dependency comes down on my head again. As time passes the swings of the hammer lessen in frequency and strength, but when the pain rages and the walls close in, I hold my daughter close, and in a reversal of roles, she is the one that keeps the boogey man at bay.

The breaking of an addiction does not follow a linear path.

Me, our daughter, and my wife all at roughly the same age.
Me, our daughter, and my wife all at roughly the same age. | Source

So Why did I Quit Using, Again?

I have watched many drop dead around me over the years from problems related to addiction: friends, family, colleagues, most every kind of acquaintance one has over the course of a lifetime. It never scared me enough to make quitting take, and honestly, I don’t think I could have been “scared” into quitting. I don’t care to be scared into anything, and I feel like fear is used as a motivator far too often.

Seven months clean, I am about 60 pounds heavier than I was before. Contrary to what the pamphlets say, my blood pressure and heart rate are higher now than when I was a drug user. Because I used drugs for almost 2 decades, even though I’ve quit, I still have not reduced my chances of getting cancer as much as you might think.

So, if I wasn’t scared into it and quitting hasn’t seemed to have had a positive effect on my health, then why did I do it? I don’t want to be a drug addict anymore! So much in this life we can’t control, but I want my daughter to grow up knowing that what one can control they can control. My family is enough to sustain me, to give me strength. We can change in this life if only we can find the will.

I don’t want to be an addict anymore, and every time I look into my daughter’s eyes, she confirms that Dammit all, I don’t have to! I want my daughter to know she can be whatever she chooses to be. I can’t very well convince her of that if I choose to be someone I can’t see my way to love or respect.

I don’t want to be an addict anymore, and every time I look into my daughter’s eyes, she confirms that Dammit all, I don’t have to!

And there it can stay forever..
And there it can stay forever.. | Source

Opinion

4.8 out of 5 stars from 10 ratings of this article.

The Joy of Watching My Drugs Die before I do

Tucked away in our freezer is a testament to my conviction. Each day I stay clean what is left of my drug of choice loses a bit of potency. After 7 months, it probably barely has the strength to get me high anymore. In a year it will be dried and vacant of all life, a stuffed cadaver, a trophy, Hector to my Achilles, a symbol of the thing I conquered, a symbol of how much I love my daughter, a symbol of how important to me it is that she love herself.

In my freezer sits what remains of a tub of dipping tobacco, quantifiably viable as the most addictive substance known to humankind. It will remain there forever.

I love and I am loved! I don’t need you anymore! I beat you, you motherfucker!!

Comments

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    • FatBoyThin profile image

      Colin Garrow 22 months ago from Kinneff, Scotland

      Strong stuff, Larry, and good on you for making the right decision. Much respect. Keep on truckin'.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Fat Boy Thin: thanks for the supportive words.

    • Buildreps profile image

      Buildreps 22 months ago from Europe

      This is one of best and bravest articles I have read in a long time here on Hubpages, Larry!

      You made a good choice listening to your inner voice, because that was it that made you decide this. I wish I could help you mate. But maybe I can say some things that might help.

      I am no drug addict and have never been. But I've seen tons of black snow also that made me come where I am now. You must dig through your own shit to come to the light. Once there, nothing is impossible, happiness, luck and richness. Everything is there for you and your family too, Larry!

      That inner voice is what the Pythagorean Illuminati call the 'Monad' (the Soul). It was nothing else. And that is literally the voice of your own God. Better listen to it and make your ego work for your soul, instead of otherwise. You might want to meditate, to get into contact with the immense power of your own soul. Just sit two times a day still for 5 minutes. If you can make it longer, do it longer. Eyes upward(!) and look to your own inner world, all the unrest, and all the other thoughts that pass by. This exercise will calm your (super)consciousness down. Never look down in meditation. There is a long list of technical reasons for, but just never do this. Not even for the fun of experiment!

      Make the best of it with your wife and beautiful kid! Fight with your whole heart and spirit to make this work! All the best, Larry!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Buildreps: thanks for the advice. I appreciate your feedback and positive wishes.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 22 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm eight and a half years sober now and life has never been better. The best part of this article...the very last sentence. It's all about love of self, my friend, and I couldn't be happier for you.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      I think it might be the last sentence that gets it pulled, lol.

      I promised I'd never get mad if a story got pulled, because it's not my site, but I feel like it was an appropriate word at the time.

      Thanks so much for the kind words. It means the world coming from you.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 22 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Larry......Congratulations on your decision, your strength and your success! This could not have been easy and I commend you.

      Making this change in your life is by far the best thing you could have done for yourself and your baby.

      I wish you a life of good health and happiness!...UP+++

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks so much for the positive endorsement.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 22 months ago

      That is beautiful, Larry. I congratulate you. I hope you get to the point that looking at that tub disgusts you. I am an ex smoker, and today tobacco is repulsive to me. Buildreps has given you some good advice. I second it.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Miz Bejabbers: thanks for the comments and congratulations to you for quitting.

      The tub doesn't disgust me as much as the 19 years that I spent being someone I didn't want to be because of my allegiance to it.

      As to the fact I haven't thrown it out and don't intend to, it is certainly an atypical method but not unheard of. I have heard of the like, and even new someone who spent the last 50 years of their life not smoking but always kept the last pack of cigarettes they bought in their pocket.

      It's not a method for many, but with addiction methods of success vary.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 22 months ago from San Diego California

      I knew there had to be a catch at the end. You seemed too articulate to be a tweaker. All the same drugs is drugs and you did the right thing for the baby because she might knock over your spit cup when she's crawling around. Great hub.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Mel: spit tobacco is very comparable to cocaine in effect. Not to get into a my drug addiction is worse than your drug addiction fight, lol, but to put it in perspective, smoking is considered one of the hardest addictions to beat. Well, a dip contains roughly 6 times the amount of nicotine, the addictive drug in tobacco, than a cigarette.

      I remember reading a study several years ago that I have been unable to find again that indicated dippers have about the lowest success rate of any drug users.

      No, I wouldn't have written this article if I had overcome the use of an illegal drug while taking care of my daughter. DHS would be bound to show up at my door, lol. But addiction is addiction.

      Thanks for dropping by.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 22 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is a wonderful and important hub, Larry. Congratulations on your effort and success and best wishes to you and your family.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Alicia: thank you so much for the kind wishes.

    • QC_1983 profile image

      Quentin Congress 22 months ago from Cleveland, OH

      Your daughter's beautiful Larry. I have relatives in my family that are struggling with demons of drugs and alcohol. I wish you well as you continue on your path to stay clean. Keep your head up.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      QC: thanks for dropping by. I appreciate the kind words.

    • Dougalbunny profile image

      Zoe 22 months ago from London, England

      A very moving and thought provoking hub Larry. Well done succeeding in what must have been an incredibly difficult battle. You have done yourself proud!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Dougalbunny: I'm glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks so much for stopping by.

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 22 months ago from australia

      I admire your honesty. I admire your stance, not without difficulty I'm sure. Many congratulations. Your daughter is beautiful, I wish you health and happiness in abundance.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Travmaj: thanks for the comments and the follow.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 22 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      You are very very brave and I admire you, congratulations, and I love your daughter's photos. She is so very cute.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Always glad to hear from you Nadine. I appreciate the kind sentiments.

    • frozenink profile image

      frozenink 22 months ago

      Voted up and beautiful. I think this is a really sincere piece. I think the birth of a new child can really stir up a huge change. Your strength is truly admired. And those photos of your daughter are beautiful!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Frozenink: I appreciate the kind words. I agree. My girl makes me want to be a better person.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 22 months ago from Orlando Florida

      Yu have a beautiful daughter and you have done a beautiful thing. I admire your courage and strength. People forget nicotine is a form of "speed"--it is certainly not what came to my mind. Nicely done.

      One word of advice. Get rid of that stuff before your daughter starts walking. You don't want her to get into it even if it has lost its potency. Sometimes, I walk away from the refrigerator leaving the door open, just for a moment. Anything can happen in a moment. voted up++ +, H+

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Catherine: I chose not to divulge that my addiction was nicotine until the end, because I wanted people to understand addiction is addiction.

      As for my last tub of tobacco, I choose to keep it. Like any toxic substance, such as cleaning agents, I will make sure it is secured once baby is able to be out and about.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 22 months ago from USA

      What a well written hub! I congratulate you on your decision and your ongoing journey. Your daughter will grow up happier and healthier as a result of your decision. Voted 5 stars, up and more, and sharing!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Flourish: thanks so much for dropping by. It certainly is a continual journey, but for the last month or so it has really began to be a much pleasanter and easier one.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 22 months ago

      Congratulations on being free of your addiction for 7 months! Keep going, it is so worth the battle of withdrawal. My sister went through this and it was hard: sleepless nights, restless legs, feelings of anxiety and depression, and so on. My prayers are with you on this, Larry. Oh, your baby is so precious!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Teaches: thanks so much for the comments and well wishes.

    • Silva Hayes profile image

      Silva Hayes 22 months ago from Spicewood, Texas

      Lovely article. Congratulations! Aren't babies the most precious creatures; so pure. I'm so happy for you.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Silva: thank you for the positive wishes.

    • DawnMSamora profile image

      DawnM Samora 22 months ago from Akron, Ohio

      Larry,

      Wow, good for you! Congratulations for beating that MF(er). :) Great hub! This can help a lot of people no matter what the addiction. Your baby is beautiful. Keep up the good work!

      -Dawn

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Dawn: thanks for the comments and the follow.

    • temptor94 profile image

      Ritu Temptor 22 months ago from India

      A very heart-felt and wonderful article! You took the right decision and it shows a strong resolve that you chose to keep the stuff. A child can indeed change the world and it is for their sake that we need to keep ourselves in the best of physical and mental health.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

      Temptor: wonderfully stated. Thanks so much for dropping by.

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana Zakinov 21 months ago from California

      Wow. This is powerful - the emotional substance, and the writing itself. I'm happy for you Larry, and I can relate to your struggle. You've been given an incredible gift - to start your life anew, together with your daughter. This is what I'm hoping for. But to get there, I had to stop using to even have a chance of getting pregnant. So I know I'm miles away, but I'm closer than I was a few months ago. I'm clean. And hopeful. Thanks for sharing :-)

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Kalinin: congratulations on getting clean and I wish the best for you. Each step is one closer to where you wanna be.

    • lawrence01 profile image

      Lawrence Hebb 21 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

      Larry

      Well done bro! (Hey here in NZ everyone is 'bro'). Keep it up.

      Lawrence

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Lawrence: thanks for the positive reinforcement.

    • DawnMSamora profile image

      DawnM Samora 21 months ago from Akron, Ohio

      Hi again,

      I wanted to say how I agree with Buidreps that this is one of the best articles I've read. I have told some friends about how amazing it is. You had my attention big time. The ending was the best part.

      :-) Dawn

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Dawn: thanks so much for the compliment:-)

    • DawnMSamora profile image

      DawnM Samora 21 months ago from Akron, Ohio

      You're welcome :-)

    • the rawspirit profile image

      Robert Morgan 21 months ago from Hutchinson Island, FL - Myrtle Beach, SC - Scottsdale AZ

      This article really touches my heart... Thanks Larry

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Rawspirit: thanks so much for dropping by. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 21 months ago from Spain

      Wow, this just blew me away. All through reading it I was thinking of two close family members who I loved, and the addictions they overcame. One alcohol and the other heroin.

      When I got right to end of your hub and realised your addiction was tobacco the realisation came like a punch, because throughout I had been thinking that you had been caught up in illegal substances.

      We smokers rarely think of ourselves as drug addicts, but we are.

      Brilliant hub Larry, and your daughter is gorgeous.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Bac2basics: there certainly is a difference between being addicted to a legal substance versus an illegal one, but when you move past that, as far as addiction we're all in the same boat.

      Thanks so much for dropping by and for the kind words.

    • Blonde Blythe profile image

      Blonde Blythe 21 months ago

      You're a wonderful writer and true inspiration! Awesome story!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Blonde Blythe: thanks so much for the kind words.

    • Insightful Tiger profile image

      Insightful Tiger 21 months ago

      You did it! I'm proud of you and I don't know you.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Insightful Tiger: thanks for the encouragement, lol.

    • kiwinana profile image

      Elsie Hagley 21 months ago from New Zealand

      Enjoyed reading your article, I admire you for putting your daughter first.

      Wishing you all the best it wasn't easy for you or your wife for you to break away from drugs.

      I think now you have written about it, it will have helped you a lot.

      Living a happy life without drugs is a way to a great future for you.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Kiwi Nana: thanks so much for the well wishes.

    • hubsy profile image

      hubsy 21 months ago

      What an amazing hub! Thank you for sharing and for the inspiration to be strong in the wake of temptation!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Hindu: glad my story could help.

    • shellys-space profile image

      Shelly Sellers 21 months ago from Midwest U.S.A.

      Hello Larry:

      I am thrilled you started following me, so I could follow you back.

      Believe me, I see this as gift and this simple comment might help you in some small way.

      I will always be in recovery and attended AA meetings for over 10 years as that was my "drug of choice" along with "others". By the Grace of God, friends, and other people in recovery, and it took years, but my Lord and Savior Christ, TODAY of all days I leave a comment for you! I have not had a drink since July 24, 1992. Today is July 24, 2015! God works in mysterious ways, but always faithful!

      I am so happy you are on the road to a drug-free life and recovery my friend! I slipped and fell and often wanted to when life threw out those curve balls. Thank God you have your precious little one to inspire you, I never wanted children, due to my selfish living and ways, but we adopted a boy 12 years ago ...that was another miracle and I praise the Lord for changing me! Keep on, keeping on and never feel you are weak if you seek help from NA, Celebrate Recovery groups, or even church! I am lifting you, and your family, in prayers!

      God bless you Larry!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Shelly: congratulations for your success. Alcoholism has a profound effect on your day to day relationships. While tobacco is devilishly difficult to quit, it doesn't have the same devastating effect on your day to day relations.

      You mentioned slipping, well over the years I had tried to stop dipping probably more than 100 times. Each time I slipped I learned something new. I'm a few days from finishing my 8th month now. I've not slipped once this time through, and I feel strongly I won't, but let us not forget the 100+ times I failed.

      The point I'm trying to make is that regardless the times you've failed, just keep trying.

      Thanks so much for dropping by. I look forward to our friendship.

    • Beth Buckley profile image

      Beth Buckley 21 months ago from Portland, OR

      Addiction is the most challenging of life lessons to master. Bravo to you, Larry! Your angels and spirit guides rejoice at your strength, courage and determination.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Beth: thanks so much for the kind thoughts.

    • pedrn44 profile image

      pedrn44 21 months ago from New Berlin Wisconsin

      Beautifully written!! Very moving and motivating. Congratulations and stay strong:)

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Pedrn: thanks for the positive sentiments.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 21 months ago from New York

      Way to go Larry. We never know what is going to motivate us to do anything, but children can certainly be the best motivator.

      You make light of your journey, but I'm sure it wasn't easy. The pull of the past is strong, but you've shown you are stronger!

      Congratulations.

      Voted up, useful, and interesting.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Tilson Titan: thanks so much for the kind words.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 21 months ago from Canada

      Congratulations on becoming smoke free. I think it was the most difficult thing I have ever done as well but so worth giving up. Your sweet little one will appreciate the clean air she is now able to breathe in her home. It may mean a considerably healthier future for her and I know she will one day appreciate that.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Lorelei: thanks so much for the positive words, and congratulations on your success quitting smoking.

    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 21 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      Larry, I am happy for you and your daughter. You are the only one that can change . Best Wishes, Stella

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Stella: thanks for the kind words:-)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 21 months ago from Texas

      Larry, I am touched by this and your inspiration that comes from your daughter, it does not get better than that. So happy for you.

      Blessings and hugs my friend

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Shyron: thanks so much for the kind sentiments.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 21 months ago from India

      Larry, I loved reading each word of this great hub. You embraced love so forcefully and vanquished the evil once and for all. I salute you for your will power and the immense love you cherish in your heart for your family. All blessings, my friend !

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Harishprasad: thanks so much for the kind words, friend.

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 21 months ago from East Coast

      Congratulations to you! She is absolutely perfect. You have so much to be proud of and you are 100% right, every moment sober puts you closer to where you want to be.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Express10: thanks for dropping by.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 21 months ago from St. Louis, MO until the end of June, 2017

      I love the last line, Larry. Do not lose that attitude. I fight addiction as well, and for me, the battle will continue everyday of my life. You said "I don't want to be a drug addict anymore....and dammit all, I don't have to." Another great attitude as you beat this monster back. Sharing this is part of the battle and part of the healing.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 21 months ago from Oklahoma

      Cam: thanks for the kind words, and the best wishes for you and the fighting of your own battles.

    • Minoru10 profile image

      Michael Yoshinaka 20 months ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      Glad you are keeping away from the drugs.... You're an inspiration...and to hear of your commitment to be drug free. Keep up the good work !

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Minoru; thanks for the kind words.

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 20 months ago from Mesa, AZ

      Congratulations! A tough decision and a tough endeavor! Children truly bring out the best/strongest in most of us.

      Good for you! Thank you for sharing!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Btr Bell: thanks so much for the thoughtful comments.

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 20 months ago

      good luck Lar

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Sujaya: thanks.

    • Sharp Points profile image

      Sharp Points 20 months ago from Big Bear Lake, California

      Incredibly beautiful story. Some people aren't able to do that for their children; your daughter is a very lucky little girl. Truly inspiring words Mr. Rankin thank you for sharing it.

    • Rachel L Alba profile image

      Rachel L Alba 20 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

      Good for you, a baby can do that for you. God sent that baby to help you. Don't give up, you have a wonderful future in that child. Do it for her, do it for your wife and for yourself and God will be there to help you.

      Blessings to you. I gave you 5 stars.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Sharp Points: thanks for the kind words.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Rachel: thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the kind sentiments.

    • A Dane in Spain profile image

      Dorte Holm Jensen 20 months ago from Torrox, Malaga. Spain

      Your story can inspire and give hope to those who believe there are no way out. Well done, Larry!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
      Author

      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      A Dane in Spain: thanks so much for the kind words.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 20 months ago from Central Florida

      Congratulations, Larry! I, too, was once addicted. Not to dipping tobacco, but cocaine. I decided I didn't want to be a drug addict anymore, so I completely removed myself from the people who kept my addiction alive. I moved to an area where I knew not a soul and have been clean ever since. No rehab. Just my personal conviction to clean up my act. Had I not made that choice back in 1987, I wouldn't be here to post this comment.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Shauna: thanks for sharing and congratulations on your success. There are the types of addictions like tobacco where death is a long term effect, then there are addictions like cocaine where the danger is eminent at any point.

      When a substance is illegal, your best course of action is usually going to be to sever all ties with that community and friendships. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you.

      But though the natures of addictions may vary, I'm a firm believer that they all share far more similarities than differences.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 20 months ago from Home Sweet Home

      glad that you had made it. From the pic, your baby has your eyes, your wife's nose, your wife's chubby face and your mouth, a beauty!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Peachpurple: thanks for the kind words.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 20 months ago from southern USA

      Awesome, Larry! Thank you for bravely sharing your story here. I wish I had read it earlier on to be able to vote up and across, but I can certainly still share everywhere. This is powerful and should be shared. When those little darlings come into our lives, it is amazing how quickly we are able to focus on their well-being and help ourselves too.

      My son had addictions issues too, and at the young age of 19 he just decided to quit being he became a dad too at that age. Now, he has three children and one more on the way. He is the best dad ever and I am blessed to know their daddy has now been sober going on eight years. He does attend meetings and has sponsored many others who are much older than he. Hearing of others' stories helps him stay sober and that is how it works somehow.

      Bless you and your precious family

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 20 months ago from Oklahoma

      Faith Reaper: thanks so much for stopping by. I loved hearing your son's success story. Truly inspirational.

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 20 months ago

      good that you stopped

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 19 months ago from Oklahoma

      Sujaya: thanks.

    • Sam Tumblin profile image

      Sam Tumblin 19 months ago from Eunice, La.

      Mr. Mr. Mr. Larry Rankin Proud Of You My Friend! No Road That Has Been Traveled Is Easy To Erase The Tracks, But With The Love Of Those Around You It's Behind Your Back!

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 19 months ago from Oklahoma

      Sam: thanks so much for the supportive words.

    • sallybea profile image

      Sally Gulbrandsen 18 months ago from Norfolk

      An excellent read and a very brave piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 18 months ago from Oklahoma

      Sally: thanks for the positive and thoughtful comments.

    • Alexis Cogwell profile image

      Ashley Cogdill 13 months ago from Indiana/Chicagoland

      Love this very honest story. She's a beautiful reason to stay sober, and congratulations on your sobriety!

    • ValKaras profile image

      Vladimir Karas 12 months ago from Canada

      Larry- Your addiction must have been so much stronger than mine, but I will mention it anyway. I quit COLD TURKEY my daily 2 packs of cigarettes, a six pack of beer, and a crazy amount of coffee. Strangely, nothing served as my motivator, it all started looking like a filthy nuisance, that's all.

      So I just decided to imitate that self from the past when I used to be clean. I didn't anticipate any "struggle", any withdrawal symptoms, I dismissed my "fix" from my mind as something strange, "because clean-me didn't bother thinking about it". In other words I was simply reviving that intimate reality of clean years when any chemical crutches were a completely strange concept to my nature.

      Oh yes, before that I used to try quitting many times. But this time the difference was in my tricking my mind by NOT SCARING MYSELF. It's the fear, that anticipation of a "life turning upside down, of myself going nuts" that every time reached a crazy culmination of being unbearable so that I would give up in defeat. Once I loosened up, liberated my moves, stopped acting like a "quitting cripple" fixated on my struggle, put a spiteful smile on my face - quitting was a piece of cake.

      My advice. Larry - shift your attention towards what you want, not what you don't want, in this case your fix. Forget about the fact that you ever used it. Stop seeing it as a struggle, because struggle means stress hormone cortisol, which means putting weight on, weakened immune system, higher blood pressure, and many other things that you don't want. Imitate yourself -as- a- free- man, and that's what you will be. Remember - we become whatever we practice. I won't wish you "good luck", my friend, you don't need any luck, you are obviously a strong minded dude. I wish you more and more happy moments as you are watching that cute little toddler unfolding into a beautiful little girl. - Val

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 6 months ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      Larry, my father was hooked on chewing tobacco from about 1960 until 2004 when he passed away. He took up this habit after he quit smoking in 1960. I remember dad complaining about bad heartburn many times. I will always remember when I quit smoking on June 30, 1995. It was like a spell came over me that I would die from lung cancer if I ever lit up again. Thanks for sharing a great story about your kicking of the addiction. I am sharing this article with HP followers and Facebook friends.

    • Larry Rankin profile image
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      Larry Rankin 6 months ago from Oklahoma

      Paul: I do so appreciate your feedback:-)

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