- Politics and Social Issues»
- North America Political & Social Issues
I stand convicted and guilty. I went to K-Mart
I just put my boy on a table he cannot get off, cuz I can't afford a babysitter.
My crazy wife wanted a fan to blow air around.
WHAT? Farts move air around. Why would you hire a something or pay for it to do such a normal act?? If it is hot just cook up more beans: Beans, beans the magical fruit the more you eat the more you toot!!
I am as ugly as a bull Rhino's back end. I make a 80 year old hippo look handsome. I am seriously handicapped in the area of handsome. A nasty rattlesnake once went for my leg, he shut his mouth and aimed for a rock I done scared with my ugly. Can you even imagine my nose? I woke up the other morning to my little one launching his air force off of it. That was OK until I realized he had four of them just parked there.
So with those good looks and a "need" for a fan I took off to K-mart. I know I should have gone to Walmart but my neighborhood is too cheap to have one, and my car will only go 30 miles an hour because I run it on methane(please see first paragraph).
My wife would not know a pun if it bit her, so I made her listen ten times. She did not stop laughing for a week.
I think ding a ling is a cool word.
You know words that sound like what they mean.
Slap -- unless you as ugly as me, then what should have been a slap sound is the slapping of you shoes as you run away.
His -- cuz when she says it, it sounds like hiss witch is what she is doing.
Dork -- this is a weird one because it is supposed to mean a whale penus -- but when you say it, it sounds just like who you are referring to.
Peace --- but if you are Vietnamese the accent makes it piss. So at church we have this break called The Peace and we go around pissing on each other.
So in I go to K-mart
Oh dear there was a beautiful family all dressed in plaid pants, white shoes and striped shirts, matching of course with cutesy "his" & "hers" arrows. The baby was in a stroller so I smile and waived at it --- it started crying so they called security. That disaster was avoided because I agreed to get a ski mask to wear in the store. This was strange because on check out, the cashier was so nice I took the mask off to smile and thank her ---- as soon as I did she gave me all the money in her drawer. Go figure.
Back to the fans. Of course I bought the cheapest they had, which was cool cuz it was solar powered. I figured great! cuz this way if my wife wanted to get cool she would have to go out into the sun. And I could relax with my boy on the table.
When it get hot my boy and me just go out to the pool I built for him.
I really do not want to talk about the next two trips to K-mart
Solar fan did not work, cuz it was rainy out. The next fan I splurged. It was a fancy pantsy import model, all the way from Bangledesh. That fan was bad, the blades broke off and kind of, well actually cut in half a little thing called fluffy. But Pet Smart is another story, or is it pets mart?
My third trip was a winner. It was not midnight, the front door to K-mart was locked with a sign saying closed right under the sign blinking "open 24 hrs". So I rode around back -- yes this trip was on my bike as the business of the day kept me from filling up my car. I banged on the door for some help. The guy was so scared when he saw my face he threw his Employee lounge fan at me and slammed the door.
Well we have been using that fan for years now, it has been a treat. Now my boy is so big I give him a stick and he makes the blades go round.
When he gets tired we just eat some more beans.