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Ingenious Ways to Make That Long Line You're In Move Faster

Updated on April 20, 2015
I hate long lines because I have panic attacks in close places and being closed-in by others.
I hate long lines because I have panic attacks in close places and being closed-in by others. | Source

Long lines respect no certain class

Unless you are so wealthy that you have your butler or meal planner go stand in the long lines at a grocery store to get your groceries, you are among the throngs who are pushed to their limits by "The Silent Equalizer," which is the long, boring, and slow lines of customers.

It's a sight to behold. The wealthy, powerful, famous and obscure all on the same level at one time and in one place all hoping to pay for their purchases and get home.

Long lines can create so much stress that some people will have to have medical attention.
Long lines can create so much stress that some people will have to have medical attention.
Have you ever felt this way standing in a long line?
Have you ever felt this way standing in a long line?
Long lines are not good for our valued senior citizens.
Long lines are not good for our valued senior citizens.
That's it. Stand on your feet that hurt for hours.
That's it. Stand on your feet that hurt for hours.
This line reaches out of the store and down the sidewalk.
This line reaches out of the store and down the sidewalk.
This many people can create tensions that could lead to violence.
This many people can create tensions that could lead to violence.
There has to be a way to deal with long lines like this.
There has to be a way to deal with long lines like this.
When you are stuck in a long line, it seems as if time slows down to a crawl.
When you are stuck in a long line, it seems as if time slows down to a crawl.
You can hardly see the end of this line.
You can hardly see the end of this line.
Unless you like waiting, you will not fare well in a long line.
Unless you like waiting, you will not fare well in a long line.
The girl in front is smart. She is using her time to rest and catch a  nap.
The girl in front is smart. She is using her time to rest and catch a nap.

I tell you upfront, I despise the long lines no matter the store. The burden of long lines is like a gigantic well-designed gambling game of complex-odds. Sometimes it's the customers who are to blame and sometimes it's the cashier. So if you are into gambling, take bets from your friends on how long you will have to be imprisoned with other customers who dislike having to walk at a "snail's pace," just like you.

I know some sharp ways to get rid of that "snail's pace," if you will show some patience and listen. Well, read. And I think you will be fine when you use some or all of these

Ingenious Ways to Make That Long Line You're In Move Faster

  • Start yelling, "Snake! A huge black snake just went by me!" Then point to the floor.
  • Say this so people can hear you, "Man, I wish now that I had not eaten tacos with cabbage at lunch." (Everyone knows that tacos mixed with cabbage creates huge amounts of gas in the human digestive system).
  • This is a great line to motivate the long line to move along: "Anyone hear about that super-sickening virus going around? My doctor said just an hour ago that I had it and it is highly-contagious."
  • Or this line, "I didn't know that fire ants were found in this store."
  • Learn a few love songs from New Zealand and sing them while in line.
  • Learn a folk dance from Portugal and dance it over and over while in line.
  • Strike-up a conversation with the person in front of you, but you speak only in Chinese.
  • Tell the person in front of you and behind you that you have a role in your community theater's next drama and would they watch you rehearse your lines.
  • Say this: "I am so tired of working overtime," then yawn and lean against the customer in front of you.
  • Kneel behind your grocery cart and act as if you are taking a nap. This will irritate the people behind you and they will start chanting, "Move this line! Move this line!" Line a picket line of employees on strike.
  • Have your pals bring you a carry-out dinner and eat it in line.
  • Ask the people in line with you, "Do you want to see my impression of a Sumo wrestler?"
  • Get the Sumo wrestler in front of you to ask the other people in line, "You people want to be my impression of this man?" Talking about you.
  • Say this line, "Oh, man. I wish I had not eaten those collard greens and sweet potatoes for dinner." (See the note at the end of the statement about 'wish you had not eaten tacos and cabbage.').
  • Fill your mouth with bubble gum and start blowing huge bubbles. The sound of your mouth working on the gum, plus sucking in the bursted bubbles will grind on other customers' nerves so they will want to hurry and get home.
  • If you do not care to be questioned by the police, say this to the nearest female customer in line, "I was released from prison this afternoon and it has been six years since I was with a woman, so . . .what . . .do . ..you . ..say?" And flick your eyebrows up and down.

And finally . . .

  • Say this: "I am going to give everyone a free exhibition of my tattoo's that I drew on my body all by myself."

Please let me know if these work for you or not.

This is a long-time problem for customers who do not have any patience.
This is a long-time problem for customers who do not have any patience. | Source

This is why I dread the major holidays

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, aviannovice,

      How are things out your way in Stillwater? Good, I pray.

      Hey, a huge thank you and pat on the back, for your delightful comment. It cheered me up and made my day. Honest.

      So, the next trip you make to TARGET or your local grocery store, keep these tips in mind if the lines are moving slower than a "snail's pace." And visit with me anytime you like.

      Have a Safe and Happy 4th.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Oh, my stars, what a riot. That was one of the funniest things that I have read in a while.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Glenn,

      You are right, and thank you for the great input.

      In that instance, I would rip off my shirt, get down in a three-point stance, grimace at the customer and I promise you they would find reason to go home.

      But I guess we shall never know.

      If you do hear or see on the national news about someone doing this, do not automatically-assume that it is me.

      Come back anytime.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 3 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Funny. I'm sitting here smiling about some of the methods you mentioned to get the lines to move faster.

      But even though it's all in jest, I bet if one actually tried any of this (assuming they had the courage), some people might surprise you by responding positively rather then leaving. For example, image if someone responded with "Yes, show me that impression of a Sumo wrestler!"

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