Interview with the President
This has to be my most significant interview to date. I had a telephone interview last night with the President. Yes, the President!
This was not one of my supernatural interviews with a dead celebrity like Bruce Lee. Or one of my other-worldly interviews with an animal like Plato the Proboscis Monkey.
No, this was a real, genuine interview with the President. I recorded the conversation and here is a transcript of our actual word-for-word discussion. I was awakened at 12 o’clock midnight by the telephone next to my bed.
When I picked up the phone, a deep commanding voice asked if I was the writer who had interviewed Arvind and Jason, the founders of the Bubblews website. I sleepily murmured, “Yes.”
The voice said, “Hold on one moment for the President.”
“Hello,” said a man with a strong, powerful voice. “Forgive me if I woke you. This is the President.”
“Really? This is not a joke? Or one of my friends pranking me?”
“I do not prank. I have no time for pranks.”
“What can I do for you, Mr. President?”
“I have learned that you are a responsible, truthful journalist with a loyal following, and I wanted to tell you my side of the story without the interference of the double-crossing, snake-in-the-grass media.”
Now I am wide awake, believe me. “By all means, go right ahead. May I record our conversation?”
“Absolutely! Ever since I was a little boy I have wanted to lead my country. My father believed that wealth should be shared, and that the best way to level the playing field is through the power of big government. That is what I believe as well.
“I am proud to be the president of the most powerful nation in the world, and despite the negative publicity I seem to be receiving, I only want my country to be united and strong.
“But now I find that negative publicity about me is hampering my efforts. I did my best to calm the situation in Syria – right?”
“What do you want from me?” I asked.
“I want you to write about me and let people know about my positive side – I’m kind to animals and I love my family. I want only what is in the best interests of my people. I want them to be happy and my country to be united.
“I was hoping that the Olympics might bring everyone together but now that it’s over, people are reverting to their old, selfish ways. Look at what is happening in the Crimea … in the Ukraine. And in Mother Russia, the stock market has lost billions.
“Oh, oh, I have call waiting and Iran is on the line. I have to take this call. I’ll call you back soon. You would not believe the cost of my international phone bill – astronomicheskaya.”
“Astronomicheskaya?” I repeated.
“Da, astronomical. Spasibo za vashe vremya. Thank you for your time. Do svidaniya. Goodbye.”
“Do svidaniya? Have you learned to speak Russian, President Obama?”
“I am NOT President Obama. You have had the honor of speaking to President Vladimir Putin!”
I hear the phone being slammed down. Guess I can forget about getting that follow-up call.
© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2014. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."
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