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Interview with the President

Updated on March 7, 2014
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This has to be my most significant interview to date. I had a telephone interview last night with the President. Yes, the President!

This was not one of my supernatural interviews with a dead celebrity like Bruce Lee. Or one of my other-worldly interviews with an animal like Plato the Proboscis Monkey.

No, this was a real, genuine interview with the President. I recorded the conversation and here is a transcript of our actual word-for-word discussion. I was awakened at 12 o’clock midnight by the telephone next to my bed.

When I picked up the phone, a deep commanding voice asked if I was the writer who had interviewed Arvind and Jason, the founders of the Bubblews website. I sleepily murmured, “Yes.”

The voice said, “Hold on one moment for the President.”

“Hello,” said a man with a strong, powerful voice. “Forgive me if I woke you. This is the President.”

“Really? This is not a joke? Or one of my friends pranking me?”

“I do not prank. I have no time for pranks.”

“What can I do for you, Mr. President?”

“I have learned that you are a responsible, truthful journalist with a loyal following, and I wanted to tell you my side of the story without the interference of the double-crossing, snake-in-the-grass media.”

Now I am wide awake, believe me. “By all means, go right ahead. May I record our conversation?”

“Absolutely! Ever since I was a little boy I have wanted to lead my country. My father believed that wealth should be shared, and that the best way to level the playing field is through the power of big government. That is what I believe as well.

“I am proud to be the president of the most powerful nation in the world, and despite the negative publicity I seem to be receiving, I only want my country to be united and strong.

“But now I find that negative publicity about me is hampering my efforts. I did my best to calm the situation in Syria – right?”

“What do you want from me?” I asked.

“I want you to write about me and let people know about my positive side – I’m kind to animals and I love my family. I want only what is in the best interests of my people. I want them to be happy and my country to be united.

“I was hoping that the Olympics might bring everyone together but now that it’s over, people are reverting to their old, selfish ways. Look at what is happening in the Crimea … in the Ukraine. And in Mother Russia, the stock market has lost billions.

“Oh, oh, I have call waiting and Iran is on the line. I have to take this call. I’ll call you back soon. You would not believe the cost of my international phone bill – astronomicheskaya.”

“Astronomicheskaya?” I repeated.

“Da, astronomical. Spasibo za vashe vremya. Thank you for your time. Do svidaniya. Goodbye.”

“Do svidaniya? Have you learned to speak Russian, President Obama?”

“I am NOT President Obama. You have had the honor of speaking to President Vladimir Putin!”

I hear the phone being slammed down. Guess I can forget about getting that follow-up call.


© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2014. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Kenneth. Thank you for the most generous comments. You are welcome on my hubs ... any time. Hope this New Year brings you continuous happiness and good health.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Thelma. Delighted to hear from you; how have you been? Sorry it took so long for me to acknowledge your comment. Happy New Year.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Peg. Such a thrill to know I had you going 'til the end. Thanks for finding this funny and forgive the delay, my friend.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      So happy, Dolores, to lighten and brighten your day! Forgive my taking so long to acknowledge that. Happy New Year!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Your hilarious comment, dear nicomp, was the perfect complement to this interview. So ... did the PTA ever recover those missing fruitcake funds? Inquiring minds want to know!)

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Vickie. I knew our ride on that other site was not permanent. Are you writing on HP now? Thanks for stopping by and enjoying this interview.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      That is exactly what I had hoped, Alexandra, to have you 'going' from beginning to end. Thanks for the kind comments.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      How I love to amaze you, dear Supers. And I do love that 'brilliant' adjective, y'know!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Mary. Thanks for the generous comment - happy I had you going there for a minute. And thanks for the Up and the et ceteras. Have a very Happy and Healthy New Year. Miss you.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 19 months ago from south Florida

      Hi, Eddy - It only took me less than two years to realize I had not answered all the comments on this hub. Please forgive the delay. Thanks for finding this wonderful and humorous. So are you, m'dear.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Dianna. Delighted I had you at the end and thanks for enjoying this adventure.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Genna. Thank you for the sublime adjectives and the vote, et cetera. You really know the right things to write.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Graham. You are most perspicacious. Thanks for the 'brillliant.'

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      So I got you with this one, Audrey? Touche to me. Thanks for finding it and finding it interesting.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      So you were waiting for the end with bated breath, MizB? What a sublime comment and compliment you have given me, m'dear. Thanks so much.

      BTW, I have had professors like that so I know what you were talkin' about.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Theresa. Delighted that I 'had you going there for a bit.'

      That was my goal, y'know. You are so welcome for the laugh. And you never can tell who I will be talking to next. Muhwaaahaaa!

      Thanks for the Up and the sharing. Your visits are always appreciated.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      What fun to know I had you going with this one, Ruby. I tried to prolong the suspense as long as possible. Thanks for finding this funny ... in fact, thanks for finding this! ;)

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Msmillar. Thanks for loving the twist - the laugh is my pleasure.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Seems your president, Martie, and ours share some of the same admirable (?) traits. Power does corrupt. Laughed out loud at your Facebook comment of Obama threatening to unfriend Putin. 'Twill never happen.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      So happy I surprised you with this one, Alicia. Thanks for finding it funny and great to read.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Got your drift, Jaye, and thank you for all the superlatives, the Up and loving this.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      drbj,

      Great piece. Wonderfully-written and presented. Voted up and away on this because you earned it.

      Please keep up the fine work.

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 3 years ago from Germany

      Hahaha...It´s good to have read your hubs again today. Very clever! Thanks for sharing.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Drbj, Nice to read something humorous today, especially, when it comes to our leaders. You had me going right until the bottom line when I finally got it. Funny.

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 3 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Hi drbj - it's been way too long since I read one of your hubs. You always have the ability to lighten and brighten my day!

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      The President of our PTA called me once... something about missing fruitcake funds. I gave her Putin's number.

    • profile image

      Vickie collins 3 years ago

      I am on another site with you...wonderful interview and if I was forced to say when I fiqured it out, I would have to say when I read the words "vladamir putin" LOL

    • profile image

      Alexandra 3 years ago

      You had me going from beginning to end and no, I did not see Putin coming! Very funny and clever ;)

    • profile image

      supers49 3 years ago

      You are so creative you never cease to amaze me. Brilliant!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 3 years ago from Florida

      Well, you had my going there for a minute!! You are just SO clever, you know??

      Voted up, etc.etc.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A wonderful and humorous hub drbj.

      Voted up and wishing you a great day.

      Eddy.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      You had me at the end! Putin is just as good! I enjoyed your article.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for enjoying this interview, Jim. I kinda thought you would. And thanks for sharing that Putin 'knock, knock' - funny, though tragic for the Ukraine.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Jodah. Thanks for enjoying my interview with the President. As you mentioned, an interview with any president would be a fascinating opportunity ... especially the Budgie Society prez. The local bowling club prez - not so much. Thanks for the 'well done.'

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol!! Precious, brilliant, and everything else in between. Voted up and much more.

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 3 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Drbj. Brilliant Putin would be my choice I think.

      Graham.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Ahh--you got me--so very interesting!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 3 years ago

      Well, I was waiting with baited breath to see how this one was going to end. Very clever. This is one my old instructor of editorial page management would have easily given an A (and then probably stolen it and used it in his newspaper without your byline!).

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      hahaha Well, you did have me going there for a bit! So glad to see you writing. I needed a good laugh and I can always count on your dear one.

      Who knows who will be calling you next!

      Up and more and sharing.

      Blessings,

      Faith Reaper

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      OMG. You are so darn funny! I won't say how long it took for me to know you were not talking to Obama, you would lol if you knew. Hee. It's soo good to see you back on HP, missed you... and i loved this, so clever...

    • Msmillar profile image

      Joanna 3 years ago from Valley Springs

      Love that twist! Thank you for the laugh.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 3 years ago from South Africa

      Oh boy, our president will tell you the same, and he will also tell you that he loves all his wives and children, and that's why he used tax payers' money and government's resources to build them the nicest village in Africa...

      BTW, I heard Obama threatened to unfriend Putin on Facebook....

      Drbj, you are the best!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is very funny, drbj! I was wondering what your interesting story was leading to, but the ending was a big surprise. It's great to read another hub from you.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Fantastic! Awesome! Superb! I'm running out of superlatives, but you get my drift....Loved it.

      Voted Up++ JAYE

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 3 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Wassup drbj. I always enjoy your interviews. Let me share this.

      http://i681.photobucket.com/albums/vv178/TheFrogPr...

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great to see a new hub from you drbj. Fancy being called up at midnight by the President, any president, it doesn't matter. Even the president of the local bowling club or the Budgerigar society would be exciting to me.....let alone Mr Putin. Well done.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, bp, that is exactly how I would describe my efforts. ;)

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 3 years ago

      This was brilliant and it speaks volumes! Up and totally awesome!

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Eric. Thanks for finding this interesting.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Bill. I can always count on you to drop by and getting you would NEVER be a mistake, trust me. Thanks for the LOL and the kind comment.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, T. Dowling, Thanks for finding this and the 'funny' and 'very clever.'

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Paula, I prefer to think of you, my dear, as sweet and open but never gullible. You read this exactly the way I hoped a reader would. Thank you for the lovely comments and the Up pluses. You are the best! Hope all is well in your world.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Interesting.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well, I guess Putin is better than nobody, right? I mean, you could have gotten me by mistake and my goodness, what a mistake that would have been. LOL

      You never disappoint...keep them coming my friend.

      bill

    • TDowling profile image

      Thomas Dowling 3 years ago from Florida

      Very clever and funny!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      drbj.......You are a sly little devil.....but a very intelligent and talented one. You've just proven what my sons always accuse me of ....and I bristle! "Mom, you are so damned gullible!"

      Very funny Doc......You're too clever!...UP+++