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Major Sinclair Coates Needs Our Help

Updated on October 15, 2009

Major Sinclair Coates Needs Your Help!

We recently received this urgent plea from Major Sinclair Coates, who works with the cyber crime division of the Nigerian Police force. Either that or CSI:Las Vegas; I'm unclear on the precise nature of his billet.

Something is amiss in the world of online dating. Stuff has gotten out of hand.

Anyway, Maj Coates requires our assistance post haste. Refer to the following:

Attention Client,

This is obviously not a form letter. Major Coates considers me a client.

this is to bring to your attention that details has been bugged by our serving and jamming network

I think he has a bedbug problem and he needs Jack Bauer to help.

of the secret service department on the Cyber crime department of the nigerian Police force

Major Coates is evidently too busy to mix in punctuation. His work with the vaunted Nigerian police force and their world-wide Cyber crime network keeps him much too busy to break up run-on sentences or proofread for proper capitalization.

collaboration with FBI HEADQUARTERS Washington DC.

Oh Major Coates, what a name dropper you are! We all admire and respect the close working relationship between the FBI and the Nigerian Cyber Crimes Task Force.

these are the detailed questions i will need you to answer below:

Here's the good part. This is where we get to help Major Coates.

1. Did you or have you ever signed up with any of these online dating sites

Huh? The FBI wants to know who is dating whom? Can't they get dating data from People Magazine?

f. and many more....

2. did you eventually meet people claiming to be from the states and presently in nigeria or the uk and ghana

Uh Oh. Now the UK and Ghana have been dragged into this. Surely the Ghana Cyber Crimes Task Force is monitoring online dating problems.

3. have you been asked to render financial helps

Have you gone on a date and rendered helps? If so, you are not smarter than a 5th grader.

4 have you sent any form of financial help so far...if yes please do contact the desk of Sinclair coates asap

Please write a letter to his desk. His desk will respond asap.
Poor overworked Major Coates can't be bothered with the proper capitalization of his own name.

and make sure this is kept very confidential till we work with you in apprehending the culprits .You can kindly send a reply back here or call the officer in charge at the details below.

Keep it secret! The FBI is busy reading People Magazine and can't get involved just now.

Call his desk immediately. Tell him if you've dated anyone from Ghana.


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    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      Ah, good old Sinclair coates, I knew him well. He majored in non verbal intercourse at Oxford just after Bill Clinton.

      coates is spelt without a capital in his family denoting that he was born on the wrong side of the blanket.

      He is quite legitimate otherwise though, if you care to send me all your banking details and account numbers I'll ensure that he gets them by safe means (I may even pay him his 10% sucker, er, prospect finders fee.)

      Yours in anticipation,

      Thomas Ombutu-tsetse Fly.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 8 years ago

      They sure are busy in Nigeria, writing letters, asking for money, offering their help. All they need is the number of your bank account and a blank check. Sounds reasonable to me!


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