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Medical Transport Driver Part 6 - Is there a restroom nearby?

Updated on July 8, 2012

A livery driver is a non-cdl driver with only one responsibility, driving.

While most clients were capable of looking after themselves there were at times exceptions to the rule. While as a livery driver my responsibilities were supposed to be no more than getting a client to and from their appointment things were not always so simple. One destination for a few of our clients was senior care. While the senior citizens were not ever a problem there were those who were sent to that day program who needed supervision because of their mental disabilities. One such person was Liza.

Liza was a mongoloid child, of middle age, who lived with a caretaker year round. She was a short little bundle of both mischief and joy. While her smile would make the most dour person grin in response, her antics left you wishing there was something else for you to take care of. She didn't mean to be a hassle, we all knew that. At times it seemed she just wanted the attention so to counter her mishievious tendencies I would constantly talk to her and keep her attention focused.

Now, I am not a doctor nor anyone's guardian but babysitting Liza during her three times weekly trips became mostly my job. There were other drivers but somehow this particular duty fell mostly to me. I didn't mind, honestly, until my lack of knowledge began to show itself in a rather uncomfortable moment.

Carrying mints was a must on the job. Drinking liquid would require a restroom and not all public facilities are even a little inviting. To keep the need for a bathroom down I kept mintss handy at all times but Liza caught on real fast. She began to ask me for a mint on most mornings and I always obliged. I was really happy to give her anything she wanted as long as it kept her quiet and occupied in the backseat.

One particularly busy morning I had Liza in the back and a old fellow named Bill in the front. Traffic was extreme at the moment because of some construction and I was keeping my eyes peeled and my hands on the wheel. Liza asked for a mint and I handed her the container very quickly. I didn't knw she was not supposed to have these sort of things. Bill informed me after a few moments that she was dumping the mints into her hand and downing them by the handful. Having stopped at a long line of traffic at a stop sign I looked and she was indeed stuffing a handful of these things into her wide mouth. I reached back and snatched the mint container back, now half empty, and real fast turned her open hand over and made her drop another six or so. Still, there were plenty in her mouth and she beamed with excitement, knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

We didn't get far before Liza exclaimed, "I have to go to the bathroom! Really bad!"

There was little i could do about that. We were moving slowly with no public areas in site. In fact i had been cutting through a small town in order to avoid the worst traffic. We came to a stop behind a long line of cars at another stop sign. Apparently I had not been the only one seeking a faster route. Liza really began to complain so I explained that we were only about ten minutes away. She moaned and groaned, rocking in her seat and the car barely moved forward in the space of three minutes. There was a long line of locals behind me in traffic beeping their horns for no reason and making us all feel even more impatient.

Liza could take no more. She ripped off her seat belt and jumped out of the car. At the time I was renting a Toyota. She walked up on to the curb with me yelling at her to get back in the car. She slammed the door shut, ignoring me completely! Bill just shook his head and said, "We can go now!"

Traffic had cleared at the worst possible moment. Behind me horns were now blaring! I made a quick decision. I veered onto the road and made a right. The folks behind me had all been waiting to make a left. Knowing that, I made an instant U-turn and pulled up along the curb. There was Liza pulling her pants back up and smiling. Yep, she had dropped her drawers right there at that stop sign and in front of all those people and did the #2 right on the sidewalk! Worse, she didn't have anything to clean up with and made a mess of the seat belt and car as she got back in.

Thankfully I have a strong stomach. I once had a drunken friend get sick on my sister's carpet and she demanded I clean it up. i did it without a problem and this time was no different. I walked Liza into her program and explained what had happened then went to get the needed materials to clean the car up before bringing it back to the rental office. It was now a health hazard and had to be properly cleaned.

Later that day my dispatcher informed me the program had called her blaming me for the incident. I was not to give Liza any of those mints. They were what had caused her unavoidable distress while on the road that morning. Yeah, the entire fistful of mints, but I wasn't about to tell them that! It wasn't long after Liza no longer needed a ride but Bill never let me forget the incident. Every time we would pass by the area where it occurred he would laugh and ask me, "Hey Joe, can I have a mint?"

Ha! So very, very, not funny. Think your old job was a pain in the ass? Tell me, did you ever have to clean up someone else's crap? No, literally, someone else's crap! I didn't think so.

Just another tale of my years as a medical transport driver. Do with it what you will.

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    • Barnsey profile image
      Author

      Barnsey 5 years ago from Happy Hunting Grounds

      I'll be waiting to read them, no doubt!

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      six years at a cemetery. and yes. i have stories you wouldnt believe. one of these days i will find a way to put them in writing. they are better than anything i could ever make up!

    • Barnsey profile image
      Author

      Barnsey 5 years ago from Happy Hunting Grounds

      Ha! Glad to hear I am not alone, though I am not celebrating your misfortune! Thanks for reading, sinisa!

    • profile image

      sinisa_sina 5 years ago

      Unfortunately. I had. I'm construction worker, and one morning I came on work, and I find "it" on the doorway. Hehe, I have strong stomach to, but this one was whoooh.

      Bad experience.

    • Barnsey profile image
      Author

      Barnsey 5 years ago from Happy Hunting Grounds

      A cemetery? I bet you have a few stories! Thanks for reading, Dana!

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      I always enjoy reading these. And no, I don't believe I have cleaned up anyone's crap at work unless animals count. I have had the pleasure of cleaning up someone's cremated remains! On more than one occasion. One of the many job hazards of working at a cemetery :)