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Men in bras: accepting the way we are

Updated on March 21, 2008

TO BRA OR NOT TO BRA: A question of acceptance.

When one has rather large man boobs, the question is: "to bra or not to bra" I have read a number of well written blogs on this site on the subject of men who like to wear bras, which prompted me to join hubpages and try my hand at writing. I have read on many other sites about men who wish to rid themselves of their man boobs and the Internet abounds with proposed solutions for gynecomastia and whilst reading these infos one sees ads for methods for men to develop breasts for transvestite or transsexual reasons, but so far I have nowhere seen anything on just accepting the way one is. Is any happy just as they are?

Third sex ?
Third sex ?

Why am I writing this? Because men in bras is a subject close to home. I was born a boy and brought up as such but at 12 years old my breasts started to develop and I retained a smooth face till the age of 25 when due to repeated shaving a beard developed. So I was a mix of between two states not good in a bipolar society, one should be only one or the other. It is not the same all around the world, there are some cultures where it is OK to be different.

Hirja India
Hirja India

I saw a National Geographic video (http://www.weshow.com/uk/p/11552/fafafini_sexual_identity) recently about Samoa where when "When there aren't enough women in the family to do all the chores, the family will designate a male child to be raised as a girl. Since they are raised as girls they are accepted as girls. They are physically men, but they are accepted as women because they look and act like women so when they have sex with men, it's not considered homosexual." (quote from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fafafini) And in Thailand there are the now famous kathoey a kind of third sex.( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathoey). I get uptight every time i have to fill out a form and you have to tick those boxes "Male or Female" with nothing in between. Why do we have to be pushed into these two categories only, when a lot of people are in between. In North America there are the: "Two-Spirit (also two spirit or twospirit) people are American Indians who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many American Indian and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit). In the examples given above these people are socially accepted although they could not tick the male or female box only.

I did have a girlfriend once who accepted me wearing bras and found it fun, but this was different to some one who gets a kick out of putting on a bra stuffed with tissues as I had something to fill those c+ cups. Recently when I did a 40 day fast and became 17 kg lighter I sure needed a bra to stop my now drooping breasts from wobbling around and hitting men in the eye when i went for a run. The problem is that we do not live in a vacuum to be able to accept our selves we need the people around to be more tolerant, so that i can go down to the beach and take my top off without everyone staring which no longer bothers me but gets my girlfriend's ire up, and my 8 yrs old son did not want to accompany me to the beach because he is embarrassed about my boobs. I was helped to accept myself as I am when I goggled "hermaphrodite images" and I found photos of ancient statues with breasts and a male sex, and I thought in those times not only were such creatures evidently accepted but possibly revered enough to make a statue, cos making a statue is a whole lot of work. (http://img476.imageshack.us/img476/3763/65hermaphrodite0ub.jpg) (http://www.sacred-texts.com/sex/rmn/img/pl40.jpg) (http://www.doroquez.com/photos/images/paris200301/paris200301_1.htm)

Hermaphrodite Statue
Hermaphrodite Statue

So now that I have decided to accept the way I am and often do wear a bra I still can not do it all the time though it makes life more comfortable, so I still feel the need to wear a loose jacket to be able to cover up if I meet someone that I know. The first road to happiness is just accept your self, love yourself the way you are. As Sondra Ray says in her book "The only Diet there is" :- If you love your body it will cooperate with your mind. If you say I don't like my body," then your body must do whatever you DON'T want it to do in order to please you!

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    • profile image

      unknown 

      4 years ago

      All comments are totally on the mark. have a few years myself and am getting boobs. love the feel and support of a bra and am becoming more accustomed to wearing in public. no one seems to notice and I usually wear loose shirts, so no difficulties. just be yourself as everyone has stated and go on.

    • profile image

      Ananomyous 

      4 years ago

      I think that people should just be themselves and they shouldn't feel pressure from other people to be different then they are. I feel that people should accept people who are different instead of suggesting that everyone should be the same.

    • profile image

      @kamal41 gmail. 

      4 years ago

      Every man weare a bra bra is the best salustion who have a larg breast. Lick a woomen.

    • profile image

      bumpus 

      5 years ago

      I am a late-middle aged male who is somewhat overweight but happy that my efforts to lose some of that excess are successful; I have fewer inches around my waist, and not so many pounds on the scales. Little by little....

      The fact that my body is trimmer doesn't mean that my gynecomastia has done an about-turn, though. After all, it's hormonal. I don't have a problem with my breasts, not even as my monitoring of vital stats proves that they are still growing. I'm happy to be who I am.

      At present, I generally wear a sports bra for work, more for comfort than anything else. I'm becoming increasingly aware that, if my breasts continue to grow beyond their present size (B-cup), sooner or later I will have to wear a more traditional bra. With that in mind, I've already been checking out some local stores. After reading this, it occurred to me that I didn't feel embarrassed when I was doing that. I don't need my wife to come along to provide emotional support (although she's usually with me).

      I might have reacted differently if I experienced gynecomastia as a teen or even thirty-year old man. But now, I gladly accept my present situation. So much publicly available advice consists of "how to get rid of male breasts", and the majority opinion seems to follow that path with the added benefit that, apparently, men with gynecomastia must also be outcasts laden with guilt. Not so this guy, though. All the same, it does make me feel better to know that there are other guys who are experiencing the same thing.

      If my breasts grow to what are more "womanly" size, I will continue to be me. And, in the face of ignorance and bigotry, be even more determined to do what I do and be whom I am. That determination sometimes translates into wanting them to grow much larger.

      As far as I have come, I am not willing to be less than I am.

      I hope that this helps those who are having difficulties coming to terms with having breasts. It's all good.

    • profile image

      Jon 

      6 years ago

      wow! your blog on this is awesome! I am a heterosexual tall skinny guy with a 38B. Hormones are a funny thing in life :/ anyways... As i get older i am noticing things. Tried a kilt for the first time this year in preparation for a wedding. wholly cow now i now know why men in kilts have there own little click when wearing one because of the societal judging that happens. am now converting to wearing skirts of the not so feminine type as a result of that experience. pants are no fun compared to a skirt, no "adjustment" required in a skirt. along those lines of thinking. what really is a "womens garment"? nothing really anymore in this day and age. what it really boils down to if it fits it becomes part of "your style" and don't look back. people will either love or hate you for it and that is that persons problem. lol look at prince he founded his multi-million dollar career on be flamboyant. the fashion runways express this flamboyant style and have done so for the last 10 years for men.

      so now i have found that wearing a bra is going to be part of my life as a guy because for all the same reasons women complain. it hurts if you don't wear one with certain activities. like... aaa... jogging... haven't done that in years, need to though and now i can because of accepting who i am and am not. boobs are boobs on a man or women which function the same from conception. they really do need the same kind of garments for support to give a better quality of life for some.

      one just has to be confident and hold those eyes forward. try to keep it modest is what i have found for others to be excepting of. smile at the hatred of your societal threatening existence to the gender roles. someday i hope the gender roles have more options without the judgmental pressures.

      good luck out there and just keep in mind that there are some of us confident regular guys out there in your support of breaking out of the Victorian age!

    • profile image

      random 

      7 years ago

      WARNING.... From day one you have been pre-programed to live inside a little box..But be very careful not to step out of your little box..Or you will be made fun of..That's the way this mind contorl bullshit was set up..Don't ask any questions, Or do anything that has not been programed into your up bringing, Or you will be made the target of a lable that says you are different...Do not think for yourself, You must not believe that a man can wear a bra, That women have a penis, That God loves gays, That your government would ever lie to you...Oh I'm sorry!!! The question was what do you think about men wearing bras? Well I think I'll step out of my little box and say Let's all wear a bra and panties to the party....O.K. now let's get real.

      First thing you all need to know is: That nothing in this world works the way you think it does, Secondly: A man wearing a bra is the least of your worries..I strongly believe that you all take a long hard look at the way your world really works...Outside of your little box...And then we can talk about the importance of a man wearing a bra....I am all things, All things are I am... Most of you will have to do your homework to have an understanding of I am....And even then you will still not have all the peaces to the puzzle.....

    • profile image

      bigbreasts 

      9 years ago

      My breasts are not big but I have worn bras since I was . I am 70 now and wear silicone breast forms under my male clothes. People think I have man boobs. If I my wife lts me I will get female silicone breast implants. I told her iif it feels good just do it and she said OK. I am getting Nigh profile D breasts. I can hardly wait.

    • profile image

      Tim 

      9 years ago

      Hello Goodflow,

      You have nothing to be ashame of, there are many people in this situation. I have also gynecomastia for many years. I have breasts since I was quite young and was considering operations and various treatments over the years but found that (ater consulting with many experts) that it is more a question of accepting who I am. I think the main issue was that my mother helped me a lot during young age. Since I can rememeber she encouraged me to feel good about myself and was very helpful, so I am using bras since many years now. My mother helped me with this and I think there is no problem of a man wearing a bra. Today I am married and have kids and I wear bra everyday. Most of the people around me knows that it is a medical conditions and that's the way it is. I enjoy wearing bras as it very helpful for me and I am not even embaressed todaty to go into a shop and buy one for myself. I am always surprised how considirate people are - never I have a problem in a bra shop after explaining the situation and most sales ladies are doing their best to fit me the best solution.

    • profile image

      daytona 

      10 years ago from Bolingbrook, Illinois

      Goldflow, I totally understand what your going through. I was raised by my Mother, and being the youngest of 4 children, 3 of which were girls, I was treated as a female for most of my youthful years. My sisters used to dress me in their clothes and being of an extremely limited budget, my undergarments were usually female in nature. (panties and stockings and yes, bras.) While my breasts do not fill a C-cup bra they do fill a B-cup without a problem. I do wear my femme undergarments to this day, and have no plans to change. I do not worry about or fret about my body as it is the only one I have. I am totally comfortable with my life style and my forced feminity. I am married and have 2 girls and 2 boys in my family. My wife and kids know about me and have never criticized or shown any embarrassment about me as their husband or father. What I would suggest to you is that you try one of the newer sports bras as they are extremely comfortable and can be a little more concealing for those delicate meeting situations. My daughters got and gave me some for Xmas 2 years ago and they are great. If I can help further, please e-me and lets talk and maybe put a joint effort on HubPages. Daytona

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