Michelle Obama's Laughable DNC Speech
A Chip on Her Shoulder
Rarely ever do I make it through an entire Radical Progressive Liberal Democrat's speech without wanting to take off my shoe and throw it at the television screen. Fortunately, that practice ended for me after I got married, as my wife insisted we couldn't buy a new television every time we watched CNN. I have to say, I found Michelle Obama's speech to be amazing. Not amazing because it was well delivered, on message, or made a lot of good points, but because it displayed the sort of irony, hypocrisy, and undermining of others that only a well developed comedy sketch could capture. Don't believe me? Let's get started.
My first point is that Michelle Obama has been accused for the past 8 years of having a racially loaded chip on her shoulder. Whenever someone is accused of something as severe as that, that person would typically make every effort to avoid appearing as a racist or as though they are contentious against one race or another for the sake of public appearance. Heck, look at the Republican party for the past 8 years! But not Michelle Obama. Oh, no. She came out like Beyonce at the Super Bowl wearing her black beret and telling her sistas to "get in formation."
It was hilarious to me that she could not go one speech without bringing up the disparity of her race. The comments she made didn't sound horrible, but they give you insight to what this woman is constantly thinking about. She mentioned a young black boy (I'm guessing the one who was present for the signing of Obama Care) who stared with wide eyes at the President, wondering "Is his hair like mine?" Holy Moly woman! Do you really think that child was wondering about the texture of your husband's hair as he was signing one of the most historic pieces of legislation in our country's history? Which, by the way, when on earth did hair become such a big deal in race relations? I heard that it's now racist to ask someone, "Is that your real hair?" I've never heard anybody ask that question before, but I really don't understand how its racist. Whatever.
The most racially charged comment she made of the night (if you don't consider the comments about the police officers and the protesters) was concerning the White House itself. She said that she wakes up every day in a house that was built by slaves. This is honest to God what you think about every day, huh? Every day for the past eight years? And you know that you live there because your BLACK husband was elected President of this country by a majority, hate filled, bigoted white race, right? Just making sure you were aware.
Poo Pooing Hillary
What I found even more enjoyable was how Michelle totally dissed Hillary in several creative ways. Now, I've been married for over five years. During this experience, I have had to learn that women like to slam each other in very subtle ways.
Ladies, would you be insulted if someone said they admired you because you don't care about how people make fun of the way you look, talk, or even laugh? Guess what? Michelle Obama said something like this during her speech; citing specifically how Hillary looks, talks, and even laughs! I almost lost control of myself when I heard this. This is a classic example of "Read between the lines!"
Which, by the way, it helps you to understand why I find this hilarious when you understand that the Obama-Clinton relationship is not exactly something you find in a Disney movie. It's rough. It's harsh. They just don't like each other. Which is why I also found it funny, that as Michelle was endorsing Hillary, she felt it was necessary to bring up what happened 8 years ago.
In talking about what happened 8 years ago, Hillary being ousted by Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination, Michelle used the words "disappointment" and "failures." If I had been drinking milk, it would have been shooting out of my nose at this point. Unfortunately, I was eating Doritos and the experience was a lot more painful. More or less what this comment was saying was, "You know HIllary, you go and have fun losing this upcoming election to a candidate who has never run for office before. Just remember, we beat you on our first try with barely any political experience."
If you had been following anything Donald Trump has been talking about the past month, he used a phrase to describe Hillary's style of politics: "Politics of Personal Gain." If you have followed anything Hillary Clinton has been involved in...EVER,you would take note that this phrase hits the nail right on the head. Michelle, probably heard this phrase and inserted it into her speech in an ironic way.
She stated that we need to elect a President who does not have a track record of chasing fame and fortune for their own selfish gain. I kid you not, I thought she was going to say in her next breath that we need to elect Donald Trump, because that certainly doesn't describe Hillary. As each day passes and we draw one day closer to the election in November, one more Hillary scandal appears. The latest news reveals that the Democratic National Committee literally rigged the Democratic Primary so that her rival, Bernie Sanders, would stand no chance in securing the nomination. I don't know what they call it, but I call it corruption. Or as Trump said, the Politics of Personal Gain.
And then, maybe the most ironic line of the night, how Hillary has always been devoted to speaking up for children who can't speak for themselves. What, you mean like unborn babies? Last I checked they are alive, they are children, and they can't speak for themselves. Oh wait, didn't she support Planned Parenthood's initiative to not only abort children, but to chop them up and sell their parts to some company that profits off of embryonic stem cells? Michelle must have been referring to another candidate.
Projecting on Trump
Then there is the attempted snub of GOP nominee, Donald J. Trump. With a character like Trump, you would imagine she could come up with something substantive to say about him that would ring true with her listeners.
Her first hint at Trump was as a person who denied the citizenship of her husband. Wait, was Trump the first one to do that? No, I don't think that's right. Oh my goodness. Wasn't Hillary the first to question Barack's citizenship. Well I'll be darned, it was. Wait, Hillary wasn't the first one? Then who? Obama himself allowed for an editor of a work that he composed to say that he was from Kenya? That can't be...Oh, it is true. Well, I guess the Obama's lose the right to complain about people questioning his citizenship.
Michelle also referred to Trump as a bully. But that's okay, because when they "go low, we go high!" Wasn't her husband the one that said that "When they bring a knife, we bring a gun?" Just saying...
Somehow, she thinks that Trump has been divisive during the past couple of Crises that have happened. She said that we need a President that doesn't turn us on each other, but pulls us together. Yeah, a President that claims that the perpetrator of a crime could have been his son. Or that the police acted stupidly. Or that can understand why protesters would be so angry they would destroy things. A President who places the blame where it belongs...on evangelical Christians who have had nothing to do with any of the past terror shootings, except for the one where they were slaughtered in a church during a prayer meeting. Prayer meetings like that one are what stir up all of the violence and hatred in the hearts of those who disagree with them. Of this I am certain. Oh, and it's Trump's fault too.
The line of the night for me was, we need a President who does not sum up policy in 140 characters or less. Once again, I almost lost it here. Surprisingly, Barack is not the reason I laughed at this one. Nor was it Hillary. It was Michelle! Let me rephrase what she said and you will understand why.
"We need a President who does not sum up policy in 140 characters or less. Experience has taught us that good policy requires a hashtag!"
Did you get it, did you get it?! I came up with that all myself! you didn't get it? :( Don't you remember #Bringbackourgirls? Boko Haram? You know, those people who abducted the women in...whatever country that was in the Middle East and Michelle Obama responded with a photo where she is holding a cardboard sign up that says #Bringbackourgirls. We never got them back, by the way and I will not kid around about what happened to them, because it's not funny. But Michelle's reference to Donald Trump's Tweets was!
To tell the truth, her speech was well delivered. It just lacked precision and accuracy and sensitivity and wit. You know, all of the non-essentials for a Democratic speech. I can't say that it was full of lies. I even agreed with Michelle that America is the greatest country on earth. Greatly diminished, albeit, but still the greatest. Isn't that wonderful with as much as the Obama's have chopped down America, it remains the greatest country on earth? Must have had a strong foundation. Maybe the Bible (minus the entire Old Testament and the books that forbid homosexuality in the New Testament, for the Obamas). I found her speech, for the sake of ironic humor, to be unbelievably entertaining. I know lots of people will not look at it the same way I did, but I actually listened to the speech a second time so that I could take notes in order to write this hub. But don't ask me to listen a third time. Heck no. The same joke told over and over again quickly loses its luster and we've been listening to the same joke for EIGHT STRAIGHT YEARS! Make America Great Again.