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My Experience with a Stalker

Updated on November 26, 2014
Cari Jean profile image

Cari Jean is a freelance writer and author. Her inspiring memoir "Having Faith" is available on Amazon. She resides in North Dakota.

I met him at a college party. He was very quiet and didn't say much until he started drinking. Then he would become the life of the party by singing Def Leppard songs word for word. "Rockin' Rodney" everyone called him.

He eventually moved in with my brother. Whenever I saw him, I felt sorry for him. He was a loner whom all the girls ignored. Except for me. Like I said, I felt sorry for him. I talked to him and we became friends, sort of. A college classmate of mine was from his hometown. I asked if she knew him and she told me he was strange and in high school he was considered a real weirdo. I thought that was kind of mean.

Eventually, my brother graduated from college so I really didn't have any reason to make the 50-mile drive anymore to visit him. I forgot all about Rodney, but it soon became apparent he hadn't forgotten me.


A Creepy Reunion

It was a cold, blustery day in January and my shift at work had finally ended. It was dark in the parking lot. When I finally got to my car, I got in and started it up. I had to get back out to get the frost and snow off of my windshield. That's when I noticed him. He was sitting there, not too far away in his pickup. He startled me and I felt a tingly sensation down my spine. It wasn't from the cold.

He called out to me and told me I looked different, more ladylike, or something like that. It had been about a year since I had last seen him. I asked if he lived in Fargo and he told me no, he had moved back home. He decided to make the three-hour drive just to see me, despite the ugly weather. I was getting more creeped out by the minute.

I don't know what else I said. I just got into my car and drove home. I kept looking back to see if he was following me. When I got home and looked around, he was nowhere to be seen.

What is Stalking?

According to the U.S. Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime (OVC), stalking refers to repeated harassing or threatening behavior by an individual, such as:

  • following a person
  • appearing at a person's home or place of business
  • making harassing phone calls
  • leaving written messages or objects
  • vandalizing a person's property.


Strange Happenings

I began to recount conversations I had with Rodney when he and my brother lived together. The times he called me and said things like he was moving to South Carolina for work and that I should move with him. The time he sent me Black Hills gold jewelry for my birthday (which I later pawned off). At the time, I thought he was just being funny or being a friend. My roommate used to tease me that he was in love with me. I suppose I should have cut off communication with him but I was just too nice.

After the parking lot incident, things got really strange. He obviously knew where I lived because a couple of times he showed up at the apartment when I wasn't home asking my roommates where I was. They began to get creeped out as well.

Then something really strange happened. I lived with three other girls and our apartment was actually the upper level of a house. My then-boyfriend and his roommate lived on the main level. One night, I was at my boyfriend['s sitting on the couch with the windows opened behind us. We talked about Rodney and my ex called him certain names. The next day, Rodney called me and asked why we called him those names. He had been outside under the window listening to our conversation.

One in six women are stalked to the point they feel their life is in danger
One in six women are stalked to the point they feel their life is in danger | Source

The Threat

From time to time I would see Rodney in his pickup across the street from where I lived. I tried to ignore him, thinking he was harmless. Weird but harmless.

Then one day my ex called and told me Rodney had followed him to work and threatened to hurt him. As soon as Chris got home, he got out his hunting rifle. It was obvious he had taken the threat seriously.

The phone calls from Rodney increased. This was before caller ID so I never knew if it was him calling or not. As soon as I realized it was him, I would hang up the phone. He was persistent though and would try to call back several times throughout the day. It was beyond frustrating for both me and my friends.

If you think you are being stalked, write down or keep a record of every incidence that occurs
If you think you are being stalked, write down or keep a record of every incidence that occurs | Source

Restraining Order

During this whole time, I always thought Rodney would eventually just go away and leave me alone. When this didn't appear to be the case, we got the police involved. We told them about the parking lot incident, the threat and the never-ending phone calls. They told me that every time he called I was supposed to write it down in a journal and if I ever talked to him that I needed to write down every word. Eventually we were able to put a restraining order against Rodney.

Finally, Rodney left me alone. Apparently he went back home and rumor had it he had gone crazy one day, ransacking his parents' home and ending up on the roof with a crowbar threatening his dad. Later I heard he was admitted to the psyche ward at the state hospital.

The whole ordeal was emotionally draining and I was so thankful to know he was put away somewhere. Currently, I have no idea where he is. I can only hope he got the help he so desperately needed.

If you think you are being stalked:

  • File a complaint with the law enforcement
  • Document all incidents
  • Get a restraining or no-contact order through the clerk of courts


Some Facts about Stalking1

  • 6.6 million people are stalked each year in the United States.
  • The majority of stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.
  • 1 in six women are stalked to the point they feel their life is in danger
  • 1 in 4 women report being a victim of stalking in their lifetime
  • 1 in 13 men report being a victim of stalking in their lifetime
  • Many victims report being stalked through the use of some form of technology (such as e-mail or instant messaging).
  • 46% of stalking victims fear not knowing what will happen next.
  • 29% of stalking victims fear the stalking will never stop.
  • 1 in 7 stalking victims move as a result of their victimization.
  • Almost 1/3 of stalkers have stalked before
  • 78% of stalkers use more than one approach
  • 11% of stalking victims have been stalked five years or more
  • 1 in 5 female victims experienced being stalked between 11 and 17 years old.

1Source: The Stalking Resource Center


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    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 3 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      GarnetBird - thanks so much for your comment. I do apologize for the delayed response!

    • GarnetBird profile image

      Gloria Siess 3 years ago from Wrightwood, California

      I enjoyed this and can relate to your experience; I have a Hub about my experience, How to Fight Back Against Stalking.

    • NornsMercy profile image

      Chace 5 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      I had a friend who went through this same exact thing. We both used the same dating website and I struck gold to meet my husband while she met a stalker. He would chat up her neighbors and smoke with them, stalk her at work, message her friends on Facebook and continued to stalk her after going to jail for it a few times. Eventually, he stopped. We never though he would but (and I hope this isn't the case) maybe he found someone else.. I'm happy you got out of that situation!

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 6 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Serena Gabriel - thanks so much for your comment. I know, I wonder about using my real name and photo online but for whatever reason I do it anyway. I sometimes wonder if my ex-stalker will ever find me again and what will happen. I try to search for him over the internet but never get any results. I can only hope he is in prison or the psych ward or that he has totally changed his ways.

    • profile image

      Serena Gabriel 6 years ago

      Hi! I just found your article in a search after writing about my own on-line stalker experience, which is really a cautionary tale about not using your real name and never putting your photo on-line.

      Your story is very interesting because it illustrates how you can have a stalker or obsessed weirdo for a while before realizing it. Anyone you meet can become a stalker.

      You can attract scary weirdos online just as fast as you can in real life! I've been on-line for years! I thought seriously about coming up with a man's name before I started my on-line copywriting and web development business. I wish I had!

      If you are a woman, you cannot expect to be safe, anywhere - not in your own home and not on-line!

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      AngelaKaelin - thanks for sharing some of your story. It is a scary situation - one that no one really understands unless they have been there. Hard to believe that a highway patrolman could turn out to be a stalker - esp. since that is someone who should be trustworthy. I hope you have completely recovered from you scary experience.

    • AngelaKaelin profile image

      AngelaKaelin 7 years ago from New York

      Excellent story! Yes... I was forced to leave my apartment and work in absolute terror by a stalker who was a state highway patrolman... but, I never knew his name... It can really mess up your life and other people are usually not at all understanding about it. That's why articles like these are so great!

    • profile image

      hubpageswriter 7 years ago

      A real life stalking scenario. Luckily nothing happened to you. There are lots of stalking cases as of late. Thanks for sharing this and keep safe, take care.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      mythbuster - yeah - I was a little naïve at the time and am fortunate that nothing worse happened because of my naivity. With the help and support of my roommates, as well as the help of one of my roommates moms who worked in a courthouse, we were able to pull together and do the right thing - probably just in time.

    • mythbuster profile image

      mythbuster 7 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      Wow...long term multiple ordeals with Rockin' Rodney must have been very crazy-making and horrible. I have been stalked by an ex and was quickly aware of the stalking and was able to react right away. What is scary here is that it took a while for you to become aware that Rockin' Rodney was stalking you... over a year? Wow, I am so glad you weren't harmed before details could be pieced together and authorities could intervene for you!

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      tanzersrose - thanks so much for your comment. Sometimes it's hard to be nice, isn't it! I think we need to be discerning above all.

    • tanzersrose profile image

      tanzersrose 7 years ago

      thanks for sharing you're story i am quite a over friendly person and i have learned from strange experiences with people that not everyone will just take it as being 'friendly' realy glad things didn't end badly for you.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      myownworld - thanks so much for your comment. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I agree that there is something "off" about those who are stalkers - they're has to be some sort of mental instability because it's just not normal to be that obsessive.

    • myownworld profile image

      myownworld 7 years ago from uk

      This hub really does help Cari. I've myself been stalked online and it's really the most unpleasant feeling in the world. I think most stalkers have just very empty, sorry lives and they envy people who don't. In fact, despite their obsession with their victims, I think a part of them just wants to hurt or somehow bring that person down. Maybe, its the only way they know how to love - a morbid, unhealthy longing for possession. Anyway, hope this reaches many who suffer mental and emotional stress at the hands of their stalkers and gives them courage to break free of that fear.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      HealthyHanna - thanks for your comment. Definitely not a good experience but I hope this info helps others.

    • HealthyHanna profile image

      HealthyHanna 7 years ago from Utah

      I'm sorry you had to learn about stalkers this way. Thanks for sharing your information with the rest of us.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      2besure - it was frightening but at the same time I was so naïve about it - I really thought that nothing would happen and I'm glad it didn't. If it ever happens again I don't think I'll be so naïve and get the police involved right away rather than waiting. Thanks for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      TINA - I think this was the case of my stalker - he definitely had issues including some mental illness. I hope readers do learn esp. to not be so trusting of those who are loners and kind of strange. Thanks for your comment.

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 7 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      This has to be the most frightening thing a woman can experience. There are so many crazies in the world.

    • TINA V profile image

      TINA V 7 years ago

      Generally, stalkers have emotional problems of loneliness and rejection. They should really be helped by mental health professionals. It was good that everything ended well and you have reported it to the police. I am sure a lot of readers will learn from your experience.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Healing Touch - One of the main reasons I wrote this is to hopefully help others who are going through the same thing. Also, like you said some victims of stalking may not realize what they are going through so hopefully they will be able to recognize their situation and get some help. Thanks so much for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      bayoulady - very unsettling - thanks for your comment!

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      kowality - thanks so much for your comment. It is good when a call to the police or a restrainng order can scare some stalkers away - for other stalkers it's hard to know what it's going to take. I think some of them are mentally ill and really don't know right from wrong. Stalkers are now using technology as a way to stalk as well which can be equally scary.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Pamela - I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you as well. It is an awful thing to go through. Thank you for sharing and for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      dallas93444 - I'm so sorry to hear your mother is going through this. I don't understand why it's so hard for stalkers to get arrested and thrown in jail. I hope your mother's ordeal ends soon. Thanks for sharing.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Dave - I am thankful for the Lord's protection during that time as well as HIS continued protection over my life. Yes there was some mental anguish but it could have been much worse and I'm thankful it wasn't. Thanks so much for your comment.

    • Healing Touch profile image

      Laura Arne 7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      That is creepy. I think your hub will help many others that may not want to admit they are being stalked. I do believe that many of us women are much like you in BEING NICE. I mean we are inculturated with being the nurturers so we dont want to hurt feelings. I am proud you got the police involved and that he is gone. I pray he does not come back.

      Healing touch

      Healing touch

    • bayoulady profile image

      bayoulady 7 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

      SHUDDER! How unsettling it must have been!

      Great writing,too!

    • kowality profile image

      kowality 7 years ago from Everywhere

      I'm sorry you had to go through this experience. It happened to me with a gal I used to know, but it is much easier to discourage a female (Or at least it was for me, than a male. Bottom line for me was I had to be direct and mean and viciously honest which was what stopped the behavior. It also happened to my now wife, then girlfriend and a call to the police ended it for her stalker. Great info - well written! thumbs up!

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      coffeesnob - yeah, I do wonder if he will come back someday. Once in a while I try to do some checking on my own to see if I can find him just to make sure he's not anywhere near me. As far as I know, he may still be in the state hospital or in jail. I do wonder though what would happen if he ever found me again. But God protected me than and I know he would again. Thanks for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      rmcrayne - stressful is a good word for it. And it's not like I needed the extra stress trying to get through college! Thanks for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      bp - I'm so glad to hear your daughter's situation turned out well. It's an awful thing to go through and I hope your daughter is fully recovered from it. Thanks so much for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Vladimir - Thanks for your comment. Just hope this hub is able to help someone else out there who is going through the same situation.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      sheila - yeah, I think the restraining order made him realize he better knock it off or he was going to end up in jail. Which, who knows, he may have ended up there at some point in his life. Like I said, I hope he got the help that he needs so he doesn't go around terrorizing anyone else. Thanks for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Specialk - yes, it could have been worse. I was a little naïve at that time thinking he would never really hurt me. I am thankful for the Lord's protection during that time. Thanks so much for your comment.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Hello, hello - it was an awful experience and I hope I never have to go through anything like it again. Thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciate you reading my hubs.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      Cari, Thank goodness you never got hurt and he is put away. Stalking is terrifying. I was stalked one time also and I know how scary it can be. Thank goodness you didn't become one of those statistics which are a lot higher than I would have guessed. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      It is creepy to have a stalker. My mother is currently experiencing this. This guy lives in another state... shows up, calls her unlisted cell phone and etc. Police are involved and talked to him. Notwithstanding a restraining order he still calls... It is a process. Thanks for sharing.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 7 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      Cari: Im so happy that things ended well and that you are safe. As a man, I am so sorry to say, that some of us don't have both oars in the water, if you get my drift.

      Most importantly, Cari, you are safe and unharmed physically, although it might have caused some mental anguish for you.

      Always remember who your best protector is, Almighty God's Holy Spirit, and pray constantly.

      Brother Dave.

    • profile image

      coffeesnob 7 years ago


      This must be is one of those things that you always wonder will he come back. I too am glad you made it through all that

    • rmcrayne profile image

      rmcrayne 7 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Wow Cari Jean, I'm glad you didn't become a statistic. How stressful.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      I understand completely what an ordeal you went through. My daughter had a similar experience, we involved the police and they took care of everything. Frankly, I hope your stalker never sees the light of day.

    • Vladimir Uhri profile image

      Vladimir Uhri 7 years ago from HubPages, FB

      Quite a story. Thanks for sharing.

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 7 years ago

      I'm so glad it ended that way for you, without violence. You certainly did everything right, and it probably scared him away. Good girl.

    • Specialk3749 profile image

      Karen Metz 7 years ago from Michigan

      Whew! I'm glad things ended well. It could have been much worse from what I hear. I hope I never have to experience anything of this nature. I worry about my daughters, too.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 7 years ago from London, UK

      It must have been an aweful experience and I am sure with quite a lasting effect. Thank you for your well written hub and good advice.