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My Favorite Funny Bumper Stickers

Updated on March 2, 2011

I love to laugh. If it’s true that laughing adds years to your life, I should live to be at least 150. Actually, I think it’s more likely that laughter adds life to your years! I see humor everywhere, and I’m not above laughing at myself. One thing I really enjoy, however, is humorous bumper stickers.

I’ve often wondered…is this unique to America? Is the U.S. the only nation where people drive around stating their political, religious, or sexual preferences on the tail end of their automobiles? I don’t know, but I do think Americans as a whole have a great sense of humor and irony. Nothing makes this statement truer than to take a few minutes each day in traffic to read nearby bumper stickers!

Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order:

1. “I have a perfect body, but it’s been in the trunk a while, and it’s beginning to smell.”

2. “Palin 2012-2014½“

3. “Obama is not Jesus. Jesus could build a cabinet.”

4. Another funny political sticker has President Obama’s face on it, and the saying is, “Finally…a face to put on the food stamps.”

5. “I’m tired of all the BUSHIT.”

6. “McCain/Palin: Incontinence and incompetence.”

7. “This one is voting for that one.”

8. “McMILF 2008”

9. “I’m voting for Sarah and that guy she’s running with!”

10. “McCain is a fossil fool.”

11. “A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?”

12. “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”

13. “I is a college student.”

14. “I respect your opinion. Just don’t want to hear it!”

15. “If we call it tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?”

16. “If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.”

17. “I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.”

18. “He who laughs last thinks slowest.”

19. “Jesus is coming. Everyone look busy.”

20. “Some mornings, it’s just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.”

21. “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.”

22. “BEER – Helping ugly people have sex since 1765.”

23. “The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”

24. “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”

25. “Ever seen an Uzi fired from a car window?”

26. “Honk if you love peace and quiet.”

27. “Honk all you want. I’m deaf.”

28. “Talk is cheap…until your hire a lawyer.”

29. “Nothing political is correct.”

30. “Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date.”

31. “I refuse to fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.”

32. “I need someone really bad…are you really bad?”

33. “500,000 battered women and I’m still eating mine plain.”

34. “Metaphors be with you.” (Great for English teachers!)

35. “Will work for food – will beg for sex.”

36. “Save the dolphins. Where did the cows go wrong?”

37. “On the other hand, you have different fingers.”

38. “I have the body of a god…Buddha.”

39. “Body by Nautilus. Brain by Mattel.”

40. “Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”

41. “My karma ran over my dogma.”

42. “3 kinds of people – those who can count, and those who can’t.”

43. “What’s another word for ‘thesaurus’?”

44. “All men are animals. Some just make better pets.”

45. “Sure, you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!”

46. “What would Scooby do?”

47. “Don’t make me release the flying monkeys!”

48. “Honk if you’re Elvis.”

49. “Your village called. Their idiot is missing.”

50. “I like poetry, singing in the rain, long walks on the beach…and poking dead things with a stick.”

This one was sent by Writeme a Smile, a fellow hubber. I like it, so I'm adding it:

51. "I'll keep my guns, my health care, and my freedom. You can keep the change."

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    • PrettySunflower profile image

      PrettySunflower 6 years ago from Malaysia

      This is hilarious! I am going to bookmark this one and come back for some laughs. #49 made me LOL and LOL and LOL...

      Thanks for sharing.

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 6 years ago from Central United States of America

      Habee, thanks for a good evening giggle...you gathered a plethora of bumpers...hope I spelled that right! :-)

      Thanks bunches for sharing them.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 6 years ago from Georgia

      Vocal, glad you got some giggles!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 6 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      OMG - these are hilarious! I'm gonna laugh myself up in the morning and down at bedtime. I'm almost finished with a hub on "stress" - after reading this, I have decided to add "laughter" as a way to relieve stress (thank you girlfriend) and I will link to this hub. So look for it soon. This is my first 30 hubs in 30 days contest! Thanks, habee. :)vocalcoach

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Rafken! I love to laugh!

    • rafken profile image

      rafken 7 years ago from The worlds my oyster

      Nice hub, thanks I'll be looking out for more humor

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Really glad you got some laughs!

    • GreenThumbLady profile image

      GreenThumbLady 7 years ago from The Beautiful Earth

      Oh my gosh what a fun hub! I just laughed so hard at a few i can hardly breathe! I need to get my hands on a few of these.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Eth, laughing makes you live longer!

    • ethel smith profile image

      Eileen Kersey 7 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      These are great fun. I too love to laugh but think all its adding are laughter lines lol

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Too funny, Susie! Thanks!

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 7 years ago from Michigan

      Habee - Love your bumper sticker collection! How funny. I have a new favorite that I would like to dedicate to you! "I'm so fabulous, I pee Glitter!"

      Voted Up and funny!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Andy, maybe you need to start a trend?? lol

    • Andy Webb profile image

      Andy Webb 7 years ago

      I liked "He who laughs last thinks slowest". It's strange a few years back there use to be a few bumper stickers here in the UK but I haven't seen one in years, maybe even for a decade. Shame as they always brighten your day.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Glad you liked it, JOhn!

    • lightning john profile image

      lightning john 7 years ago from Florida

      My Karma ran over my Dogma! That's very funny!

      Thanks habee!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Glad it gave you some chucks, Sunny!

    • oceansnsunsets profile image

      Paula 7 years ago from The Midwest, USA

      Habee, I laughed all the way through, what a great collection of bumper sticker slogans. Tooo funny, great hub!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Love it! Thanks, Smile!

    • Writeme ASmile profile image

      Writeme ASmile 7 years ago from Writemesmiles@yahoo.com

      Hi Georgia! I saw a new bumper sticker, yesterday. Add this one to your collection.

      "I'll keep my guns, my healthcare, and my freedom. You can keep the change."

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Sheila! I'll check it out now!

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 7 years ago

      These were all so funny, and there was only one I'd ever seen. Thanks for going back to my hub about the 11 year old. I still don't know what to think. Oh, I wanted to mention, as I was editing some of my hubs, I thought of you with one of them. It's a recipe for white pie and pie crust. I made it years ago, don't even remember where I got the recipe, probably a magazine. Haven't made it since my kids grew up and left home, but I used to like it.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      I like the funny ones, too, Sord!

    • profile image

      sord87 7 years ago

      You are right about bumper stickers,it is definitely can be used to display expression,politics,humor,etc.Good to see people using bumper stickers for expression.As for me I prefer humorous sign bumper stickers.

      http://magnetic-sticker-pins.blogspot.com/2009/07/...

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Hi, Sam! Great - I'll do the same!

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 7 years ago from Texas

      habee, great hub. I have linked it to the hub I just published. "Witty Bumper Stickers and Slogans"

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Hi, Harv. That's my niece in the pic. Good to see ya!

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 7 years ago from Illinois

      Ha Bee,

      You look a hell of a lot different! Bumper stickers are great, they are written by politicians. That could be a bumper sticker.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Hookah! My twisted sense of humor is not always appreciated. lol.

    • Hookah profile image

      Hookah 7 years ago from Kentucky

      Hee hee, I fell in love with 24: A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Oh my stomach is hurting from all the giggling thanks for being the high light of my day! :) Wonderful humorous hub you've created.

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad you guys got a chuck! Thanks for visiting!

    • profile image

      Vanne Way 8 years ago

      Hey excellent hub! Me and Mahoney are sitting here laughing are butts off! I do love a good laugh! One I find appropriate is "My honor roll student beat up your honor roll student" which pretty much explains my life here lately!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Yeah, that's a good one! Thanks for visiting!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 8 years ago from East Coast, United States

      habee, thanks for the laugh. Of course, some of these are familiar but it's funny how you laugh over and over at the same thing. I've always chuckled at "Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're an a**hole."

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Daniel! Yeah, when I was working, Friday afternoons were tough! Thanks for stopping by.

    • Daniel Carter profile image

      Daniel Carter 8 years ago from Western US

      Girl, this is the perfect way to waste a Friday at work! Thank you so very much! Looking forward to many more good laughs!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      You're welcome, RTE! Ya know the tourists pass by me on their way to you! I'm a block off I-75.

    • readytoescape profile image

      readytoescape 8 years ago from Central Florida

      Hey these were Great Habee. Some I had not seen before.

      As a Floridian and Disneyworld aficionado, I have to say #15 is quite apropos, “If we call it tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?”

      I gotta get me a license!

      And I bet I could make a bundle selling them.

      Great Hub Thanks for the morning laugh

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, FF. I'm glad you got a kick out of the hub. Thanks for visiting!

    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 8 years ago from Southern California

      I laughed all the way through, girl you are funny, only a funny person could put together such a funny and interesting piece like this. I'm going to print it and pass it around. I'm glad we're old school and can use "funny" that way. LOL!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, Sandi!

    • profile image

      Sandi3m 8 years ago

      Thanks for the laugh. These are great!

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Hi, Ken. Thanks for the kind words! I wish I could take credit for the sayings, but they really are all real bumper stickers! As for Shelties, that's oneof the few breeds I haven't owned! A friend had one, though. Great little dog!

      Charlie, good to see you. I think I'm going to write a hub about strange sexual attractions that will mention foot and toe fetishes. Two of my sons-in-law like feet, including mine. I asked what makes a foot pretty, and one told me it's all in the toes. He said he likes mine because they're fairly long and straight, with nice manicured nails. You need to write a hub about a guide for foot fetishes!

    • Ken R. Abell profile image

      Ken R. Abell 8 years ago from ON THE ROAD

      Are these all for real or did you make some of them up? :>) I am supposed to be working, but I am sitting here laughing outloud.

      “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”

      “Jesus is coming. Everyone look busy.”

      “My karma ran over my dogma.”

      As the Mastercard commercial says, Priceless.

      Been poking around your Hubs & appreciate your humor, attitude & love of dogs. Ever write about Shelties?

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Good one, Jess!

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 8 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      Funny stuff. My favorite?

      How's my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-S#*T

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Glad I could bring you a smile!

    • profile image

      lyricsingray 8 years ago

      These are fantastic and I really needed a chuckle right now so thank you Habee, kimberly

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks, OF. I do have my moments!

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      I've saved this hub, habee, and I'm pleased you saw the light.

      Cheers

    • habee profile image
      Author

      Holle Abee 8 years ago from Georgia

      Wow! Thanks, guys!

      Mike - I got it! Funny!

    • jiberish profile image

      jiberish 8 years ago from florida

      I like #17, it's so true. I saw one that said 'Accidents cause People!' Very funny stuff, thanks.

    • Hmrjmr1 profile image

      Hmrjmr1 8 years ago from Georgia, USA

      Thanks Ha Bee Great Job!

    • MikeNV profile image

      MikeNV 8 years ago from Henderson, NV

      My all time favorite:

      670,616,629 miles per hour it's not just a good idea, it's the law!

      Think about it just a bit and it will come to you.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 8 years ago from London, UK

      I loved theses various stickers and laugh like anything. Very cleverly put some of them. Thanks for giving me a laugh