My Personal "Barrel List"
I'd love to ride a pig
More things I would love to do before I meet the "Grim Reaper."
Film legends, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, scored a lot of money and good, solid laughs in a movie they did in 2007 called, "The Bucket List."
The film deals with both men being terminally-ill with lung cancer and after they meet in the same hospital, become fast-friends, and decide they have a number of things they both want to do before they "kick the bucket list." This was one of their finest works. When the film debuted it grossed 173.3 million dollars.
Okay, that was Hollywood where most anything and everything can and will if you are rich enough to hire the best writers, special effects man, George Lucas, the best director, Stephen Speilberg and throw in an Oscar-winning actor like George Clooney. Then surround him with a supporting cast made up of the "who's who" of acting such as--Robert Duvall; Tom Cruise; Randy Quaid; Steve Carell and maybe Robin Williams and Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Goldie Hawn and you got yourself a mega-billion-dollar movie in your hands.
What I am talking about here is real life. No spotlights. Awards. Applause or limo's to ride to and fro from my luxurious hotel in downtown Los Angeles to the MGM movie lot so I can shoot that day's scenes. And retire back to my suite for some ice-cold champagne and jumbo shrimp.
Real life doesn't work that way for an average guy like me. All I have to get my point across is my DELL PC, HubPages and my follower's list who fully-understand who and what I am. That in itself is a slice of peace that is priceless.
And speaking as a regular man, I have prepared a list of 50 things I would love to do before I "kick-off," and pass from this state of life into the hereafter a fulfilled and satisfied man. Simple plan for a simple man.
I call this piece "My Personal Barrel List" for I don't want to be sued for plagairism.
Just for fun, you might compile your own list of things you would love to do "on this side" of eternity and see what you come up with.
But for now. Sit back, read, and enjoy.
1.) Date Ann-Margaret, one of the sexiest females to ever appear in film.
2.) Sing like Bobby Darin, for I sure can't sing as myself.
3.) Spend the day interviewing Bob "Capt. Kangaroo" Keeshan and know what it's like to be near an icon who touched millions of children's lives.
4.) Play guitar like Eric Clapton and have him call me from the audience in a concert at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis to play his super-hit, "Cross roads," with him in front of 120,000 people.
5.) Be a well-known, best-selling author like J.D. Salinger who penned "A Catcher in The Rye."
6.) Sleep in some deserted wooded area with the squirrels.
7.) Eat myself into a "sugar coma," with the world's largest ice cream cone.
8.) Own my own Starbucks so I could stay there as long as I wanted meeting my customers, buying their coffee, and drinking myself a cup or three before the morning is gone.
9.) Go streaking in broad-open daylight in the busiest section of New York City.
10.) Ride a hog just for the mere reason that I have never rode a hog before.
11.) Nap in the business district of China. In my own vehicle. People would pass by and whisper, "Isn't that Ken Avery, famous author and best-selling author of, "Hangin' With HubPages," that stayed for 20 weeks on the New York Times Best Selling List?
12.) Walk up to a total stranger in Los Angeles and scream, "you were right!" and run away.
13.) Get aboard a passenger train, AmTrack will do, and act like "I" am taking up tickets.
14.) Own a Rolls Royce and let all of my followers on HubPages drive it on their vacation.
15.) Be understood for whom I am and not for what I can "do" for people.
16.) Buy all of my Hub followers a two-story home furnished with the best furniture money can buy.
17.) Appear on CBS Morning Show and when the camera hits me, say, "I really don't care if you watch this show or not!"
18.) Go to a New York Yankees game and yell for the St. Louis Cardinals just to see how long it will take angry Yankee fans to curse me out and make me leave.
19.) Hitch-hike from Alabama to Nashville, Tennessee.
20.) Sing "my" songs in an out-of-the-way coffee house. Be discovered by Travis Tritt and sign a lucrative record deal with MGM.
21.) Buy my own personalized BMW with "my" color, tan, as in leather and Cragar rims and a Kenwood sound system that would break windows on Music Row for it being so loud.
22.) While in Nashville, I want to have dinner with Taylor Swift and her pay for it.
23.) After leaving "Music City," I want to get involved with the boys from Spring Cup Racing--Kyle Bush, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Carl Edwards and Jimmie Johnson. Yeah, make some points with these "high rollers." Maybe Johnson will let me be in his next Home Depot ad.
24.) I want to yell for my favorite college team: The Alabama Crimson Tide, but yell from the top of Lady Liberty with a bullhorn and all news crews available to cover it. I might even sing there if people will listen.
25.) Visit Detroit, Michigan and hang out with the "old school" blues musicians.
26.) Visit the Great Lakes and have my tour boat stop on the exact spot where the Edmund Fitzgerald sank. Then have five-minutes of silence to honor these mariners for giving their lives to the sea.
27.) Learn to para-sail down in Key West, Florida.
28.) Be a stow-away on a luxury cruise ship. And see just how long I can keep the game going. What a huge news story this will make for Fox News; CNN, and major networks. God knows they all need a story that will take our minds off of politics.
29.) Visit Afghanistan with a barbecue crew from the Food Network manned with Sears super-grills and cook steaks, burgers, franks and corn-on-the-cob for our troops who are sacrificing their lives for us.
30.) Meet the commander of the land forces in Afghanistan and say, "Sir, why don't you let the "rest" of our troops come home?"
31.) Visit President Obama for an entire day at the White House, all in a casual atmosphere. And interview a Secret Service agent and find out what they will tell me about being an important part of any president's administration.
32.) Meet Country Music legend, Toby Keith and see if he would write a song for MY FOLLOWERS on HubPages.
33.) Sneak into the San Diego Zoo disguised as Big Foot and scare the zoo employees that night as they feed the animals.
34.) Set a new land-speed record for number of cups of coffee drank by one adult man in any Hardee's restaurant in the mid-south area.
35.) Become part of a major wrestling alliance such as the Vince McMahon's WWE and let those guys train me to fall the right way when I bet beaten up. But I will fool them and "really" fight using real blows to the face and body turning what was to be a simple, 10-minute time limit fall with Cain, the seven-foot monster wrestler whom kids love beat me easily, but now, the tables are turned. "He" is scared not as much of me, but what he is supposed to do now that I have control of the match.
36.) Build a log cabin and live for one year in the Colorado hills.
37.) Build my own radio station in those Colorado hills and play "real" Rock and Roll music--the Stones; Steppenwolf; Jefferson Airplane; Z.Z. Top; Rod Stewart and more. And sell .30-second spots for $20.00 each. I get so rich I need to sell my station to someone I can trust.
38.) I sell my station to my best buddy in Hamilton, Alabama, Donnie Clayton and now "his" dream is fulfilled of that of owning his own radio station and be the lead DJ.
39.) Be the emcee at the next Miss America Contest.
40.) Secure a meeting with Jerry Seinfield, the most-narcissistic man on earth and simply talk about "me" during this interview. I would have secret camera's taping this and sell this tape to a America's Funniest Home Videos for thousands. What fun I would have.
41.) Sit in the dug-out of the next New York Yankees game and run out from time to time to stir up their fans into applauding.
42.) Own a pet store somewhere in Harlem, New York.
43.) Be a hobo and catch a freight train heading out of Chicago down to Kentucky and I would get to sleep in the box car with the hay on the floor and eight cranky cattle. This stuff would make a fantastic book.
44.) Visit Radio City Music Hall in New York City and tell the custodian that I am ready for him to take me to my dressing room so I can prepare for the 8 p.m. performance. "Uhh, sir, you are not on my list," "Mr. Huddstucker," the security guard says. "Not on the list? What am I going to do now?" I say in anger. "I can call my supervisor and see what he says," "Huddstucker" says as he leaves to find a phone. Then I hide somewhere the numerous hiding places in Radio City Music Hall and you guessed it. I will be the next "Phantom of The Opera."
45.) Learn to fly a leer jet. Blindfolded.
46.) Meet Papa John, the "pizza guru," and appear with him in his ads.
47.) Stand on a street corner in Los Angeles disguised as Bill Clinton and see how many people stop to ask what I am doing there.
48.) Float down the Tennessee River on a specially-designed log raft that is equipped with coolers of food, water, and candy to munch on. I might, if I make it, be the next Huck Finn and someone will write about me and I get 45% of the royalties and retire into seclusion and live in the hill country of Tennessee.
49.) Learn to make moonshine the old-fashioned way and also be like the early "shine runners," and have my own "moonshine races," at night in my specially-designed BMW, but I will not tell the police or ATF boys which night I'm head to town with a load of moonshine. That would not be fair. Then a movie is made about me and I give my part of the profits to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital in Memphis.
and I saved the "toughest" one for last . . .
50.) Learn how to cook cornbread.
Don't worry, friends. I feel pretty "alive" right now.
Why did I write this right now? I was raised to not "wait until the last minute."