The biggest exhibition of maturity is learning to identify your weaknesses and making an effort to better yourself. This is a bit concerning because I seem to be halfway to maturity. I have learnt to identify my weaknesses but I am still on a long road to bettering and fixing them. One major weakness that I have is walking away when things get tough.
There are many instances where I walked away from a tough situation. I remember one in particular. I was living with a relative for the first three years of high school. Life over there was really difficult because I was never good enough. I was not neat enough, not quick enough, and not hardworking enough; I was never enough. I tried very hard to fit in and be the person they wanted me to be. I just couldn’t change myself and it really ended up terribly. I would shut myself in the bedroom all day and sometimes skip lunch simply because I did not feel like I deserved it.
So one day I got fed up and moved back home. The arrangement was cheaper in the long run because of proximity to school, but by the third term of my third year in high school I had had enough. It caused a lot of damaged between us but I just could not take it anymore. I decided that no amount of money saving was worth my happiness and content.
Currently, I live in a particular neighborhood that is actually really nice and quite secure. However, I want to move. Why? That is the big question. See, I am a quiet person. I am not really shy, I am just picky about the people I associate with. I talk to like ten of my neighbors out of around thirty. This says a lot about me. Also, occurrences in my past have taught me to identify hatred and despise form other people, considering the fact that I have been a victim of abject racism. I have this feeling that most of my neighbors do not like me. The best option would be to try and make amends, right?
No. My ego is far too big. From an early age, I have never found the need to force myself on people. It is quite simple for me: If you do not want me in your life, the goodbye. I never force people to like me and I do not really mind. You do not have to like me. I believe that everyone is allowed to love or hate whoever they please. Besides, if everyone likes you, you must be doing something really wrong.
So I am currently trying to decide whether or not I should be a baby about all of this and move or be a big girl about it and hope for the best while sitting put. I’m not really sure what angle I’m leaning towards, but I am pretty sure I’ll have moved out by the end of the semester.
In a nutshell, do not be like me. Or maybe be like me because I am trying, slowly but surely, to change. Stare your problems straight in the eye and deal with them. You may be able to outrun your problems for now, but you cannot avoid them forever.
© 2018 Valerie