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On Rising from the Ashes
How to Beat PTSD
I have seen and experienced things so grisly and traumatic that coming back has been difficult. A freind told me never to "let them de-pattern you". Well, I underwent so much crap that I quit working out. At my age (42), it was harder to get back to a state of feeling: sound, powerful and in touch with reality. For some reason, I am not experiencing the level of pressure which I'm normally subjected to.
At some point, you have experienced just about everything and you become extremely callous to : Pain and to loathing. You are ready to walk into any circumstance knowing you will overcome all the disgusting thoughts and pain that psychotronic technology can bring. Being as fear of something happening in the future is employed as a psychological stratagem to demoralize us, we must learn to walk forward into any reality, especially that which you fear the most. They know more about our minds than we do, so we must toughen up and dictate our own fate.
We are ALL we truly have: our internal thought-patterns (not the illusions of pain, fear and ruin). There was even a dream-attack in which I dared them to kill me, then I triumphantly awoke. After 3 months of feeling as though my insides were being torn apart and being told I was "Sick", I then plummeted into drinking and the use of DXM (see erowid to learn about it) to "Party away" all the sickening/painful/un-pleasant experiences. This led to an all-new low for me.
Remembering your worst lows is good in that you can always compare your present state to them and say: "Hey, it isn't as bad as THAT felt". Make yourself your own: project/mission. Well, I used a combination of: Adrafinil, Dehydroepiandrosterone and levodopa to build my body, intensify my workouts and imbue a whole new level of confidence. I got them on E-bay so there should be able to attain these items. After 3 weeks of intensive working out, I feel BETTER than my previous best pre-stressed mental state. My gut is going away and I have managed to cast off all dread of the future. I even am thinking of going back to work. The Dehydroepiandrosterone should be used with caution if you are female because it can androgenize you, that is: make your body more masculine in appearance.
There seems to be an end to psychotronic torture if you have survived long enough. My impression of my attackers is that they are "Behavioral Christians". At least that is the ultimate goal: there are psychic forces pulling you up and down.......trying to "sort you out" as Good or Evil. In fact, I am quite confident that if I worked harder not to sin that they would leave me entirely alone. They attack me whenever I commit anything designated as sinful in the Bible. Oops, I almost forgot to tell you that at that low point I described earlier: I managed to escape their mental grasp by saying the mantra: I Love God and He gives me the power to go on. You must BELIEVE as well as call as well as affirm that He grants you the power to keep going. I must have chanted it in my mind close to a thousand times, just to escape their grip upon my consciousness. It felt as though I was on the brink of losing my mind...........closer than ANY previous attack.
So, even if you are a habitual sinner like I am: God can still protect you against the most vicious psychotronic assaults. On a previous occasion, it felt that a foreign intelligence was about to kick me out of my own body. I saw a door open and light drove back whatever-it-was that was trying to get inside me. That FELT LIKE it was God who did this for me. Guess that one was freely-given to me, and I was pretty "bad" back then. I guess it is true when Christ says: "I am the Door".
So, when it seems to be the End of you: you must ask God for help. I am working on being less of a sinner, despite a life devoted to gratifying my every physical desire. The ones that are really the threat to you will whisper "subliminal sweet nothings" into your very heart. Offers of anything you could possibly desire in turn for believing you are an "Evil" being are numerous and I have been stupid enough to buy every trap they set. Despite this, I have survived to tell the tale. You accept the "offer" and the next day they come for your soul. So no matter what: do not let them in no matter what is offered you. I think there exists 3 groups: A Good Group, an Evil group and a thought police group. All the "Bad Side" has to do is seduce you, then the "Police" beat the crap out of your mind and THEN this "Evil Side" takes over your traumatized psyche.
We are all constantly receiving fake ideas and feelings. Some people just aren't themselves anymore. It is as though something else resides in their body. Some have no clue that they are being manipulated and there are some fighting a day-by-day battle against outside influence. Sometimes, the good side will try to stop you from carrying out an act of sin. They are indeed an outside influence, but they are just trying to save you from a fate worse than death. That is they are trying to save that special part of you that makes you who you are from being "erased and reprogrammed". The grip of the "Evil Side" is much more intimately Hellish than that of "The Good Side".
I think that mind-to-mind as well as mind-to-machine interfacing is now possible. The World is comprised of people being influenced to varying degrees by these major groups. Each person takes a step towards Heaven or Hell, depending on who they "listen to". Beware the artifice of "context control". This makes any truth seem as though it were an insult to your intelligence. If someone as sinful as me can make it this far, then you should have no problem. Believe in yourselves, know that you will "receive" input to do/think things that get you in trouble. Work to build yourself up and never think you are too far gone for God's help.