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Please Help me I am dying. HOW. No, No, please help me die. Watching someone die is horrible, holding their hand is hard

Updated on June 19, 2013

A creek runs through it

Oasis or death trap?
Oasis or death trap? | Source

If death is our collective fault. Then we are individually responsible

I hope you have never heard those words. I hope you have never spoken those words. Woe be to me I have heard them and said them. Sometimes I wish I would have died. And I can’t get out of my memory those who did.

I was walking my hike along the canyon. Two days in a row I notice inordinate amounts of garbage down next to the creek. I was quite irritated. No I was mad. Today I stopped to contemplate and listen to a song I call “it is going to be a bright bright sunshiny day, for I can see clearly now”. I studied the garbage far below and suddenly realized the garbage had been washed from the homeless camps during a wicked rain and flooding. What I was looking at were some homes washed away.

I would rather most people do not think of me as a good man. The reason is simple, I do not want to let folks down. But sometimes almost by accident I do good things. After my hike I went to the undercover places where my homeless friends go in times of bad weather. There is an over ramp and a hidden spot next to a malls garbage dumpsters and of course in front of the 7-11s and liquor stores.

How do people without the Spirit handle the finality of death?

Tonight the hand under some cardboard in the alley scared the dickens out of me. Glad I had on absorbent underwear. I eventually breathed long enough to restore my senses and pulled the cardboard away. She clutched for her knife but was too weak to draw it up. She must have been 70. The sickness in my nostrils was not filth or defecation it was an odor I had hoped not to smell again. It is the stink of impending death. She looked at me and squeaked out, I know you, your are the walking man. I dialed 911. I dropped to my knees, I think more in prayer than to get closer. That damn convulsion of a cough when the lungs are too filled with fluid to breathe. I reached for her decrepit hand.

Finally she looked up at me and begged, help me I am dying. I told her I would do whatever I could. I thought she had died, no pulse. Then she opened her eyes again and said, “do not help me to live help me to die” and then she was gone, the 911 only confirming a white 32 year old female had died of exposure. This I knew to be true, but I am not ignorant when it comes to anatomy and bio-mechanics. This woman had been beaten severely in the chest. Her last breathes were depressed on her left side.

We would have called the hermit who lived here homeless

Our own space is paramount to a long life.
Our own space is paramount to a long life. | Source

My fault I did not act immediately in the rains. What was I doing, easy chair with a book I guess.

I wonder if she did not get caught down in that flood in the canyon. I know if those homes had an address we would have rescued those folks. I know that a year on the street can age you five. But what I also now know is that I have not seen the last of the stench of dying. I do not even know that nice lady’s name.

A little footnote. The earth conservation folks were around that same canyon today. Spending thousands of tax payers dollar to preserve the plants in that canyon. How sad we did not spend that attention to preserve a human being.

My wife will come home soon and we will discuss. She will look me straight in the eye and say, “for Christ you must do more”. I will get no sympathy. But I will not sleep well on this night.

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    • Ericdierker profile image
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      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      We must raise our heads and love ourselves and then others.

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Lastheart. I suffered mightily through the night. I named her Elizabeth in my heart. I will not let her die without affecting me in order to positively effect others. Your reading and relating is already a gift to her spirit like a prayer.

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      Ericdierker Last night when Froggy213 read this article the same Wow! came out as mine, and told me to read it. I feel my stomach up into my throat, but a feeling of hope is warming my feelings. Thanks God for inspiring with words to open readers spiritual eyes. You have wrote a sad experience that shows the real "Humanity One World". One way or the other everyone of us will die just let's be prepared. Blessings!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      We are in need of new perspectives. Each one of us must change them. Thank you MsDora.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      What an experience! You helped the way you could. What a pity we (the human race) don't do more to help people live. It is an indictment against all of us. Lord, have mercy!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      i do not know what brings me into the street. It is not a good place to be.

      Mark I shall be dead inside and lose the support of my family. But my calling is to hold hands and love and love and love. They will be loved. The wrong the depth of depravity, and those who are very sick are my family. And my friends and family are mad at me.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      This was powerful and saddening, and yes there is more we all can do.

      Mark

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      When we are loved we are obligated to love. We must keep one foot in a forward pace and the other lingering in the world we would save. As always I know my hubs are strange but I truly appreciate your contemplation and comment.

      I have no choice but to look in that canyon tomorrow, God raise them up.

      From what I have seen there are 2 gone. probably drowned.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That was a powerful piece of writing. 32 years old....how do we measure the grief when just one of us suffers that kind of fate?

      There is more we can both do, Eric!

    • Ericdierker profile image
      Author

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Froggy thank you so much, not for visiting my hub but for loving yours and my people. I promise to act more proactively. But I need your moral support.

    • Froggy213 profile image

      Greg Boudonck 4 years ago from In Nebraska After Hurricane Maria

      Wow, this hub brings so many emotions to the front. Good job and may we all consider those who are less fortunate