Postcards from the Vineyard, Saturday August 20, 2011
Hello, my uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh fellow Americans, Barrack here; I just wanted to pop in on this first day following my absence from this current Stock Market Crash and assure all of you it’s not my fault. Those greedy Republican investors are purposely pulling their money out of the market just to make me look bad; me Barrack Hussein Obama the first African American President. So what I’m saying is yes it’s just because I’m black and they’re all racists that they refuse to allow this economy to grow and expand. Well it’s also that little thing where I’ve threatened to raise taxes and confiscate; I uuuuuuuhhhhh mean make them pay their fair share so those less fortunate can have more!
But enough about that, I wanted to thank you for once again sending me, Michele, Sasha and Malia back to the Vineyard. I know it may seem a little bit extravagant during this current period of suffering but It was necessary for us to also bring along Air Force 2 in order to accommodate the 70 Secret Service personnel who accompanied us to insure we were safe and cared for at all times. Air Force 1 and 2 only used 95,000 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and their combined operating costs of only $23,000 per hour is well worth it when you consider how lonely the kids would be up here without their dog Bo who also flew on Air Force 2.
But back to the uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh business at hand, rest assured I will be working night and day during the next 10 days to get this economy up and running again. I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. But remember if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have those food coupons with which to buy that food; so I think those of you that are enjoying the benefits of my administration; the 1 in 7 that are presently on food stamps should turn and thank those other 6 individuals still willing to work so that you can continue to eat; uuuuuuhhhh in most cases better than they do!
Some of you may question why I need a uuuuuuuuuhh 15-vehicle motorcade to escort me to and from Blue Heron Farm in Chilmark, where we previously stayed in 2010 and 2009 and will be staying this year also. Well that’s why I’m the President and you are you; how else can I take proper notice of all those rich people up here on the Vineyard so I’ll know exactly whose taxes not to raise. You see those other 14 vehicles are loaded with stenographers recording names, dates and times of all those rich people up here hob knobbing with me so upon my return to Washington we’ll send out the notices to everyone else requesting them to pay their fair share except my friends and supporters. Kinda like we did with the Obama Care Exemptions; we traded exemptions to all those unions and others that supported me in that endeavor!
Sorry but I really must go for now; there’s golf to be played; extravagant dinners for Michele and I as well as reading and beach time; I just bought a new copy of Mein Kamph which I’m looking forward to tearing into. So bye-bye for now from Michele, Sasha, Malia, Bo and me; thanks again for this wonderful vacation and remember when you’re feeling down and out just watch the news and you can live vicariously through me and my family, I’m sure you’ll feel better in no time!