Richard M. Nixon versus JFK - Presidential Boxing
.......Nixon vs Kennedy
President Nixon in his Football days
JFK - Hero of the PT 109
by Bill Russo
And now the featured bout on today’s card. It’s 12 rounds of boxing in the light Heavyweight division, with the winner claiming the Presidential championship of the 1960s and 70s.
In the Blue corner: Hailing from Boston, Massachusetts, he is six feet tall and weighs 150 pounds, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. KENNEDY!
In the Red corner. Fighting out of Yorba Linda, California…..He’s five eleven and a half and weighs a trim 175 pounds, Richard M. Nixon. NIXON!
The battlers come to the center of the ring to receive instructions from referee Father Time. And we are just about ready to get underway. The rail thin Kennedy is spotting Nixon some 25 pounds, but JFK is four years younger at 96 years of age. Nixon turned 100 in January 2013.
There’s the bell and the fight is underway.
Kennedy comes charging out of the corner and goes right after Nixon. Kennedy throws a “I started the Peace Corps” and it lands solidly on the chin of Nixon who counters with a stinging combination of “I started the Environmental Protection Agency. I went to Moscow and got the Russians to sign a treaty limiting Strategic Nuclear Weapons. I was the first President to go to China and get them out of their dangerous isolationism and I desegregated the Southern schools which neither you nor LBJ could do.”
Kennedy slumps to the canvas under the withering barrage of punches from the wily ol’ veteran Richard Nixon. You can see why they call him “Tricky Dick.”
Referee Time is counting….
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six……
Kennedy’s up. He charges at Nixon and launches a “ I committed to sending a man to the moon.”
Nixon ducks out of the way and counters, “Yah. Well I actually did it. In 1969 I sent the Apollo spacecraft right to the lunar surface and we walked on it and planted a flag.”
Kennedy drops to the canvas again.
The referee is counting him out. Seven, Eight.
Wait! There’s the bell. JFK is saved by the bell.
Round one is history and it was a 10-7 win for Richard Nixon.
Now we go to round two:
Once again Kennedy races to the center of the ring and tries to take Nixon’s head off…….. He delivers a wicked combination of blows, "I won the Cuban Missile Crisis. and...
“You had to resign the office of President because of Watergate”.
What a punch by JFK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nixon drops like a sapling in the way of a bulldozer.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine………it looks like it's all over.....
wait.....Nixon's up......he's on his feet at nine and beats the count ! ! !
Nixon was almost counted out after that wallop from Kennedy. He’s a little shaky but he’s up on his toes and he’s shadowing JFK. Nixon winds up and blasts his opponent: “I covered up Watergate that’s true…and you won the missile crisis but then you put the whole world in danger when you tried to hire the Mafia to kill Castro and after they turned you down you started the disaster called the ’Bay of Pigs’. It was a humiliating defeat for the U.S.”
That punch stung Kennedy. He’s woozy. He’s back peddling. He’s against the ropes.
There’s the bell for the end of round two. Kennedy wins the round but Nixon finished strong after being knocked down early.
What a battle! Here’s round three:
Kennedy charges Nixon with “I’m a U.S. Navy war hero“. Nixon jabs back: “I also served in the Navy during the war and was a Lieutenant Commander - even though as a birthright Quaker, I could have opted out. By the way, I also ENDED THE VIET NAM WAR AND I ENDED THE DRAFT.”
Kennedy goes down again. It’s the second time in the bout he’s tasted canvas. He’s up at the count of seven. He’s bouncing on his feet. The wispy Bostonian is still in the bout. Even though he’s taking a pounding, he’s game.
Kennedy launches a “I came up with the saying ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country‘.” Nixon retaliates with “I have a few quotes too. Here’s one, ‘Failure is not falling down. Failure is falling down and not getting up again to continue life’s race’.”
Round three is over and the judges score it a draw. So after three rounds, the judges have it one for Kennedy, One for Nixon and one even. The fight is all knotted up as we head to round four.
Nixon races out of his corner and flings a barrage at JFK, “My secretary of state was able to negotiate disengagement agreements between Israel and her enemies Syria and Egypt - saving Israel from near annihilation.” Kennedy is stunned. He’s defenseless as Nixon keeps raining punches on him. Kennedy is on the ropes. He’s showing great courage. He won’t go down. He’s being beaten senseless but he’s still on his feet at the end of round four.
Round four goes to RMN. Nixon now leads the fight Two to one, with one even.
Here’s round five.
JFK is bleeding from a gash under his eye. He shakes off his corner men who want to throw in the towel and he charges Nixon.
Kennedy jabs with his left and then fires a right, “ I issued an executive order banning discrimination in the sale or lease of housing that was federally financed.”
Nixon shrugs off the punch and counters, “I created more National Parks than any other President. I started Federal Funding of the War on Cancer.
And by the way, I am the only President between 1961 and 1998 to BALANCE THE BUDGET!!!!!!! I implemented wage and price controls…so that even if people could not get raises from their employers, at least they had the satisfaction of knowing that companies could not raise prices. This broke the back of a horrible recession.”
Down goes Kennedy again under Nixon’s wind milling blasts.
Referee Time is counting.
ONE …… TWO…………. THREE………FOUR………….FIVE ………..SIX……….SEVEN……….EIGHT….NINE…..TEN. HE’S OUT.
It’s over. Richard Nixon wins it ! ! ! ! ! ! NIXON KAYOS JFK. THE TITLE OF BEST PRESIDENT OF THE 1960s and 70s IS HEREBY AWARDED TO RICHARD M. NIXON.