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Questions Tex Shelters Would Ask of the Presidential Candidates

Updated on October 2, 2012
Empty Podiums
Empty Podiums | Source

Here are samples of the questions you would hear if they had the Dominion News Service, recently acquired by Tex Shelters, Industries, run the debates. Now with news reporters Blondie O’Lestra and Park Sanderscowl with the debate questions.

Park Sanderscowl: President Obama, where were you when you were born, and do you have any evidence that you are human?

Blondie O’Lestra: President Obama, why haven’t you answered that 3 AM call?

Sanderscowl: Gov. Romney, would you like to tell the 47% of the people why they don’t matter to you?

O’Lestra: Gov. Romney, if elected, how much extra staff will you have to hire for your mansions?

Sanderscowl: President Obama, why haven’t you yet fixed this economy that the Bush administration took eight years to ruin?

O’Lestra: And why haven’t you brought peace to the Mideast after thousands of years of conflict?

Sanderscowl: Governor Romney, according to our sources, you and Paul Ryan, the President keeps apologizing for America. Have you ever made a mistake that you might have to apologize for?

O’Lestra: President Obama, what is your favorite Surah in the Quran?

Sanderscowl: Gov. Romney, what will you do to protect Social Security…ha ha, just kidding. Seriously, how will you monetized Social Security to maximize profits for venture capitalists?

O’Lestra: President Obama, why haven’t you done anything to stop the voter fraud we have been fantasizing about?

Sanderscowl: President Obama, we would like to ask you about the drone strikes overseas, but the National Defense Authorization Act you signed says you might be able to detain me for asking, so instead, can you tell me how you feel about puppies?

O’Lestra: President Ro…I mean Governor Romney, how are you planning on compensating your biggest donors, especially casino mogul Sheldon Adelson?

And President Obama, how would compensate your big donors, such as James Simons?

O’Lestra: Governor Romney, as president, how high will you jump or how far will you bend over to please Israel?

And President Obama, how much do you hate Israel?

Sanderscowl: Governor Romney, what country (or planet) would make a good homeland for the Mormons?

O’Lestra: President Obama, why are you unwilling to stand up to our greatest enemy, Russia? And could you beat Putin on Dancing with the Stars?

Sanderscowl: Governor Romney, how would your criminal justice department deal with the following people: global warming scientists, gynecologists that perform legal abortions, university professors, evolutionary biologists, gays, and Muslims?

And president Obama, why haven’t you adequately dealt with global warming scientists, gynecologists that perform legal abortions, university professors, evolutionary biologists, gays, and Muslims?

O’Lestra: For both candidates, what is your favorite lunch meat?

Sanderscowl: Enough about jobs already, President Obama, do you believe in the American flag?

Governor Romney, how much do you believe in the flag?

O’Lestra: President Obama, you have said things about science in the past, but America wants to know where you stand, Star Trek, or Next Generation?

And for you Gov. Romney, Betty or Veronica, ha ha, of course, both, you’re Mormon.

Enjoy the debates folks. Too bad our Dominion News Service won’t be asking the best questions ever made up.

Tex Shelters


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