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Rumminating: Obsessive thoughts

Updated on February 27, 2010

 It started with a comment that you made when you took me to lunch yesterday. "Someone told me there is a bar here where the girls dance nude." I sarcastically pointed the place out. I know you already knew where it was and more than likely have already paid it a visit.

That's how it started. Then it simmered on a slow boil throughout the day, after you had dropped me off. I thought about it over and over through the day. "Why would you be so stupid as to make a comment like that. I'm not one of your guy friends."  The anger and rage continued to grow with each passing hour.

This is called "rumminating" or so my doctor tells me. It is when you have this one obssessive thought, usually negative that eats away at your brain and won't go away. It statrts small, a little niggle that something like maybe a comment, a look, or a thought that appears in your mind out of nowhere, but just won't go away.

Anyway I say to the thought, "Why should I care if he wants to go look at naked women?" Reality, I shouldn't.  If the girls there want to use their kitcats as piggybanks, "oh well. maybe they don't have enough education or sense to work elsewhere, and if he is stupid enough to give them his hard earned money, knowing those places are the last place to go to get laid with a few exceptions, oh well too. But reality doesn't sink in much when you "rumminate".

So the thought and the anger, and rage grew. I could even see you in my mind, putting dollar bills in her... I don't know where if they are nude, maybe her mouth? SARCASTIC!! Just like my voice when I answered your calls to tell me you are running late. You have to pick up some material you need for tomorrow...mmm, I bet. You also had to go back and drop off your worker...mmm, two men out late together.. bet that's where you are.

The thought and the images in my brain, if I have one anymore, are growing louder, angrier. "Shut up I scream inside my head... I don't care..."Oh but you do, says the little niggling voice.". The volume and the anger rises... to a pitch cresendo. I try to block it out by listening to music or reading, no such luck.

By the time you walk in I am furious. My anger is at a peak and it will not be a quiet night tonight.

"Where in the hell have you been?"

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    • Hendrika profile image

      Hendrika 

      6 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

      It might have been me you are writing about. I have let paranoia ruin a lot of relationship in my life.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR

      christalluna1124 

      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Haert,

      So great to see you. i have a big problem with unwanted imagery popping into my head, which my doctor says is part of my illness. Ican worry until I collapse in tears or explode in uncontrolled anger. i wish it were differeent. I wish i were normal like before.

      warmest regards, chris

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR

      christalluna1124 

      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Great American,

      So good to hear from you again. I am sorry to say that i don't want a man jumping into bed with me after getting it up watching someone else's cooter. If I'm not enough, throw out the old blanket before you take in a new one. It's all about respect.

      Warmest regards great to see you again,

      chris

    • greatAmerican profile image

      greatAmerican 

      8 years ago

      Chris, don't knock those naked babes, most of them are working their way through college. Best of all Boys will be Boys, and those cuties will make more money in a night than some of us men make in a week.. They probably don't even pay

      income tax on most of it!! Dancing naked must also open up a number of other money making opportunities. I still think it would be a wise man who would just go home, jump in bed with his lady, close his eyes and use his imagination. I have always figured the old car gets me from here to their, why should I waste $$$ on a new car...

      Nuff said from this old coot...

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 

      8 years ago from hub

      I hate that too, when people paint images in my mind, that I don't want to see! Words to matter, and what we say, can make a difference in our day or someone elses day. Expressive Hub! Always good to see you writing:) PTL!

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