ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Rumminating: Obsessive thoughts

Updated on February 27, 2010

 It started with a comment that you made when you took me to lunch yesterday. "Someone told me there is a bar here where the girls dance nude." I sarcastically pointed the place out. I know you already knew where it was and more than likely have already paid it a visit.

That's how it started. Then it simmered on a slow boil throughout the day, after you had dropped me off. I thought about it over and over through the day. "Why would you be so stupid as to make a comment like that. I'm not one of your guy friends."  The anger and rage continued to grow with each passing hour.

This is called "rumminating" or so my doctor tells me. It is when you have this one obssessive thought, usually negative that eats away at your brain and won't go away. It statrts small, a little niggle that something like maybe a comment, a look, or a thought that appears in your mind out of nowhere, but just won't go away.

Anyway I say to the thought, "Why should I care if he wants to go look at naked women?" Reality, I shouldn't.  If the girls there want to use their kitcats as piggybanks, "oh well. maybe they don't have enough education or sense to work elsewhere, and if he is stupid enough to give them his hard earned money, knowing those places are the last place to go to get laid with a few exceptions, oh well too. But reality doesn't sink in much when you "rumminate".

So the thought and the anger, and rage grew. I could even see you in my mind, putting dollar bills in her... I don't know where if they are nude, maybe her mouth? SARCASTIC!! Just like my voice when I answered your calls to tell me you are running late. You have to pick up some material you need for tomorrow...mmm, I bet. You also had to go back and drop off your worker...mmm, two men out late together.. bet that's where you are.

The thought and the images in my brain, if I have one anymore, are growing louder, angrier. "Shut up I scream inside my head... I don't care..."Oh but you do, says the little niggling voice.". The volume and the anger rises... to a pitch cresendo. I try to block it out by listening to music or reading, no such luck.

By the time you walk in I am furious. My anger is at a peak and it will not be a quiet night tonight.

"Where in the hell have you been?"


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Hendrika profile image


      6 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

      It might have been me you are writing about. I have let paranoia ruin a lot of relationship in my life.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Dallas Texas


      So great to see you. i have a big problem with unwanted imagery popping into my head, which my doctor says is part of my illness. Ican worry until I collapse in tears or explode in uncontrolled anger. i wish it were differeent. I wish i were normal like before.

      warmest regards, chris

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Great American,

      So good to hear from you again. I am sorry to say that i don't want a man jumping into bed with me after getting it up watching someone else's cooter. If I'm not enough, throw out the old blanket before you take in a new one. It's all about respect.

      Warmest regards great to see you again,


    • greatAmerican profile image


      8 years ago

      Chris, don't knock those naked babes, most of them are working their way through college. Best of all Boys will be Boys, and those cuties will make more money in a night than some of us men make in a week.. They probably don't even pay

      income tax on most of it!! Dancing naked must also open up a number of other money making opportunities. I still think it would be a wise man who would just go home, jump in bed with his lady, close his eyes and use his imagination. I have always figured the old car gets me from here to their, why should I waste $$$ on a new car...

      Nuff said from this old coot...

    • heart4theword profile image


      8 years ago from hub

      I hate that too, when people paint images in my mind, that I don't want to see! Words to matter, and what we say, can make a difference in our day or someone elses day. Expressive Hub! Always good to see you writing:) PTL!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)