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Rumminating: Obsessive thoughts
It started with a comment that you made when you took me to lunch yesterday. "Someone told me there is a bar here where the girls dance nude." I sarcastically pointed the place out. I know you already knew where it was and more than likely have already paid it a visit.
That's how it started. Then it simmered on a slow boil throughout the day, after you had dropped me off. I thought about it over and over through the day. "Why would you be so stupid as to make a comment like that. I'm not one of your guy friends." The anger and rage continued to grow with each passing hour.
This is called "rumminating" or so my doctor tells me. It is when you have this one obssessive thought, usually negative that eats away at your brain and won't go away. It statrts small, a little niggle that something like maybe a comment, a look, or a thought that appears in your mind out of nowhere, but just won't go away.
Anyway I say to the thought, "Why should I care if he wants to go look at naked women?" Reality, I shouldn't. If the girls there want to use their kitcats as piggybanks, "oh well. maybe they don't have enough education or sense to work elsewhere, and if he is stupid enough to give them his hard earned money, knowing those places are the last place to go to get laid with a few exceptions, oh well too. But reality doesn't sink in much when you "rumminate".
So the thought and the anger, and rage grew. I could even see you in my mind, putting dollar bills in her... I don't know where if they are nude, maybe her mouth? SARCASTIC!! Just like my voice when I answered your calls to tell me you are running late. You have to pick up some material you need for tomorrow...mmm, I bet. You also had to go back and drop off your worker...mmm, two men out late together.. bet that's where you are.
The thought and the images in my brain, if I have one anymore, are growing louder, angrier. "Shut up I scream inside my head... I don't care..."Oh but you do, says the little niggling voice.". The volume and the anger rises... to a pitch cresendo. I try to block it out by listening to music or reading, no such luck.
By the time you walk in I am furious. My anger is at a peak and it will not be a quiet night tonight.
"Where in the hell have you been?"