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Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting 12/14/2012

Updated on December 17, 2012

Fear

I am deviating from my regular hubs to write this hub concerning the horrific incident that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary on 12/14/2012. First, I would like to say that my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved directly and indirectly with the events and of course all the families that lost their angels.

The reason I am writing this particular piece is to help myself process what we know and have seen so far regarding the incident. Probably more therapeutic for me to write this, then for people to read but maybe there are some others out there that are feeling the same way. I keep getting the same response from family and friends, "just turn it off", "stop watching the news". I'm sorry but I can't all I can think about are my two little girls 4 and 2. My 4 year old goes to a private school that holds everything from daycare to high school in one school. She is in begindergarten and her classroom is one of the first classroom when parents drop off their kids along with the infant room. I can't help thinking what if that had been us?, what if that school was ours?, what if my child was one that was lost?.

I haven't slept much in the last couple of days because I just can't shake it, and the overwhelming grief that I feel for people I have never even met! I have been watching the reports and the updates and just replaying it, I have seen a lot of people compare the feeling to 9/11 and I agree. It was like you can't pull away from the TV or Internet, they keep showing the same footage and yet you are drawn to it and you cry and hug your kids a little tighter then any other day. Kisses mean more, messes and mis-behaving mean less, the carpet can get vacuumed later, you want to finger paint in the living room?, Sure!! However, above all is the fear that I feel, the constant fear that is keeping me awake at night.

Feeling Safe Again

I know that everyone, including those close to me are dealing with this in their own way. Some are calling for tougher gun control, less gun control, guards at schools, mental health regulations. I hear parents saying they are going to home school their kids. The most important thing for me right now though, is dealing with Monday morning. How am I going to be able to drop my child off at school? How after seeing this and knowing what I know can I possible give her a kiss, watch her walk into that school building and not be a wreck all day thinking is she coming home at 3:30pm?

I know that this incident will spark many debates, but the truth of the matter is if a person is willing to take their own life and they are set on what they are going to do, they will find a way. We can go and put a gun in everybody's hand or we can ban guns altogether, we can put a guard at every school or we can put the school in lock down during the day but as we know evil will find a way.

What about my child?

My last feeling is additional worry about my other daughter who has SPD or sensory processing disorder. Early reports have stated the shooter as having social awkwardness, not feeling pain like others, and possible having Asberger's and personality disorder. Is this incident going to bring on additional worry and concern over these kids that have these disorders? Are they going to be considered a threat before they are even old enough to know or understand these issues? This group of adults and kids that already have feelings of alienation from their peers because they are different, how are they going to be impacted. I do think that early detection is something that needs to happen and that parents shouldn't just ignore these things in their child and just pass it off, as mis-behaving or hiding it from others because they are so worried about labels. More awareness should be brought but more importantly more therapy choices that don't include a long list of medications that can cause even more harm to an individuals state of mind. I'm not saying that medication is unnecessary in some cases but it isn't helpful to stick to a therapy plan that just deals with medication, therapy should be included on how to deal with those emotions and how to spot when you are feeling depressed or lonely or angry. So many children go undetected for years, they become adults and are not equipped to deal with feelings that can become more confusing over time and more difficult to deal with.

I'm just looking for answers like everybody else, and have been shocked to see such an evil incident occur. These children were just babies, and the staff was just trying to protect them from harms way and to that I am so thankful to those that risked, and/or lost their lives in order to keep as many kids safe as possible.

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    • profile image

      Saxonburggirl 

      20 months ago

      I wish I had seen this post years ago. I was deeply grieved over the Sandy Hook tragedy also, especially having two young children myself. I specifically remember listening to Amy Grant's song "Breath of Heaven" shortly after it happened, and it struck a chord deep within me. For at least a month I couldn't get it out of my head. It kept running over and over in my head like a prayer, and I would constantly cry for those children and parents. If you have never heard it you should really find a quiet place and take time to listen to the words .."Breath of Heaven" is a reflection on what Mary, Mother of God, may have been thinking while she waited for Jesus to be born. (RememberThe Sandy Hook tragedy happened in the weeks before Christmas. Mary also lived in a very hostile environment.). Anyhow, the song speaks of the "Breath of Heaven"as a source of strength and true peace. The world needs Jesus so much.

      This is what helped me make a small amount of sense to this great sadness.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 

      5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      I commend you for a very relate-able article my friend. I took great comfort in your thoughts as I, too was unable to turn away from the news reports.

      Although I understand your concerns for the reports of aspergers as well as other reasons they gave, I do not put much stock in this. I am thoroughly disgusted with some of the news reporters or vultures, as I call them. In their haste to be the first with the story, many incorrect reports were sent out to the world. This young man had access to several fire arms and shouldn't have. For whatever reason, someone though it was ok to supply him with guns.

      I highly doubt whether his aspergers ( if that was even accurate) had anything to do with it. I know many people, friends and family members who live with some form of disorder and they would never dream of doing what this young man did.

      You are providing your children the best avenue for a stress-free wonderful future. I have been reading some of your hubs and you seem to be a very attentive and concerned father active in your children's development and I commend you for that. That trait is sadly becoming rare.

      Many many blessing to you and your loved ones.

      Happy to be following you as well.

    • wileyspeaks profile imageAUTHOR

      Anna 

      5 years ago from Auburn, Indiana

      Thank you psychicdog.net for your comments I appreciate your thoughts and look forward to following your hub as well! Peace to you and your family as well!

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 

      5 years ago

      Anyone with children can relate to this hub - thankyou wileyspeaks for describing every parents nightmare - no one should have to live in fear or with an anxiety brought out by irrational killings like this one - it is the worst way to live - I shake my head to think what has come of our world - something is wrong when this kind of thing happens. Peace to you and your family. Hopefully measures are taken to make people feel safe again. PEACE PEACE PEACE! Let there be more peace.

    • wileyspeaks profile imageAUTHOR

      Anna 

      5 years ago from Auburn, Indiana

      Thank you for posting and for your advice. I definitely agree if somebody continues to have severe anxiety or irrational fear of going outside or having a tough time living their day to day life then counseling should be sought.

      Luckily for me the school we have is key card entry only. So that is locked down as well during school hours. Having a great school system with emergency plans in place is always a comfort.

      Thank you for your post and your concern, but rest assure I am doing great and like many had a strong reaction at first because I have children so close to the same age as those lost. Thanks!

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 

      5 years ago from North Texas

      I don't know where you are, but here in TX all outside doors of all schools are locked except for the main entrance. There probably isn't enough security there, but it does limit access to children for the most part.

      The chances (odds) that anyone will be killed in a school shooting are extremely small. Of course if it happens to someone you care about it seems as if there are crazy people shooting up every school. It's more likely by far that you will be in a car accident.

      Really sorry you're having so much trouble dealing with this tragedy, and if you continue to have trouble living a normal life as a result, you might want to see about getting some counseling yourself. None of us can live our lives constantly worrying about what might happen. That's not much of a life. In reality, nowhere is ever totally safe.

      Bad things can happen at any time anywhere and they needn't be anyone's fault. Most people get home safely everyday. Life is a risk. Not living it but remaining alive is still a risk.

      Children easily pick up on parent's thoughts and emotions. For your child's sake, if you cannot sleep, cannot function normally, you need to get counseling. Living in constant fear is not healthy for you or your family. If you push yourself too far that will not benefit anyone either. Get help if your fear and anxiety doesn't lift within a reasonable time.

      Hope writing about your feelings has helped. Hope that knowing everyone who reads it identifies in some way, and wishes you only the very best outcome, will be a comfort to you also.

    • writinglover profile image

      Jennifer 

      5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      Writing is a very soothing tool for me too. Its unfortunate that ther are people that are willing to do anything. Thumbs up and thanks for the follow.

    • wileyspeaks profile imageAUTHOR

      Anna 

      5 years ago from Auburn, Indiana

      Curiad and samsons1- thank you for you comments and I appreciate your feedback. It will definitly remain in our hearts and minds for a long time to come.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 

      5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      You have shared a lot of good questions and fears. It is good to talk about these things, and this is what the country needs is to discuss rationally these issues.

      Mark

    • samsons1 profile image

      Sam 

      5 years ago from Tennessee

      Hi, and welcome to Hubpages. This incident will remain in the hearts and minds of many for a long time. Voted up and interesting...

    • wileyspeaks profile imageAUTHOR

      Anna 

      5 years ago from Auburn, Indiana

      Thank you everybody for your comments and encouragment. It helps that others are feeling the same way that I am about the incident. Happy Holidays to you all and Happy Blogging!!

    • profile image

      Hadashot 

      5 years ago

      Thanks for your piece. It ids the first that I have read with a similar perspective as mine. Kiss and hug those kiddos but realize that they are safe....

    • justmesuzanne profile image

      justmesuzanne 

      5 years ago from Texas

      A very valuable piece! Voted up and useful! :)

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 

      5 years ago from Iowa

      It does help to write. I also think we need to look at what happened and see if there is anything we can learn that may help prevent future incidents, whether it's stricter gun control, better access to mental health care, not buying our kids violent video games, etc.

    • Pinkchic18 profile image

      Sarah Carlsley 

      5 years ago from Minnesota

      Such a tragedy. Sometimes it just helps to write, I totally understand.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 

      5 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      Yeah, I am worried bat my child too, although I am not staying at new York, but the feeling of fear and constant worrying just couldn't stop because you don't know what the future holds, guns should be banned, only the military and police could use them, civilians should not own any of these weapons, beautiful hub

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