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Sexual active teenagers (a problem without a solution?)

Updated on September 3, 2012

Go back!

“If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values - that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

The world is allegedly in the midst of a sexual revolution. Advertisements, fashion, entertainment of all sorts, name it, promote and encourage sexual freedom.

So how do we approach the aggressive demand by particularly teenagers for sexual freedom?


Three primary drives

We have to keep the THREE primary drives of all living creatures in mind -

  1. To live >> to survive >> (Humans add: to be happy >> to love and be loved >>)
  2. To multiply > which requires sex or insemination
  3. To die > (which may happen psychologically with humans long before they die physically).

We also have to keep in mind that the definition of sexual intercourse has been expanded and may include non-sexual organs. ‘Inter’ means ‘between’, and ‘course’ means ‘connecting’, ‘acting’, ‘route’, ‘progress’; any intimate connection between people, weather penetrative or non-penetrative, is regarded as sexual intercourse.

People are physically ready to multiply at approximately thirteen to fifteen years old and even earlier. But if allowed to, they will, for sure, not be able to live and survive as dignified human beings. Logically a human being – with more brains than any other primate on earth - has no choice but to ensure his/her survival BEFORE starting to multiply.

Ask teenagers where sexual freedom fits in, and they will answer: “Of course under the first drive (to live), or do you think we want babies?”

Okay, they say under the first, ignoring some gruesome facts. To live means to survive and to be able to survive one needs to be physically and psychologically HEALTHY. The results of sexual freedom are infections, causing life-long real and imaginary aches and pains, pelvic inflammatory diseases such as Gonorrhoea, affecting the womb and fallopian tubes, ectopic pregnancies and infertility; infection of the testicles, which may cause infertility, other transmitting deceases such as Chlamydia, Syphilis and HIV/AIDS. Besides deceases it may result in unwanted pregnancies, abortions (which may cause infertility). All these consequences lead to unhappiness, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, suicide, sexual crimes, broken families.

Sexual freedom makes total commitment impossible, for the human soul prefers purity. Commitment to impurity sets all the rules of human nature at naught. Marrying a virgin is every man’s dream and being the first (and only) triumph of a man, is every woman’s dream.

Suicide can be psychological, meaning murdering one’s true self, the centre of one’s self-esteem. “Who/what am I?” is questions frequently asked by the inner-self, and great confusion occurs in the mind of the teenager who may be physically mature for sexual intercourse but not yet emotional. Emotional security depends on inter-alia self-sufficiency, when survival is accomplished without the financial assistance of Good Samaritans such as parents, family members and welfare organizations.

We are doing our best to get these facts into the minds of teenagers, apparently in vain, for most of them find themselves already in the third drive - TO DIE.

Statistics proved that most teenagers who committed suicide were sexually active. Depression is a psychological reaction on sexual intercourse, only momentarily in secured relationships, but durable when partners are insecure. During sexual intercourse, also known as copulation or coitus, the souls of those involved touch and communicate, in other words the emotions of the individuals during intercourse BOND. These bonds may be weak or strong, but definitely unbreakable. It becomes part of a person’s complicated individuality.

To approach this scientifically: Sexual thoughts as well as actions stimulate the pituitary gland to release hormones. This is an endocrine gland about the size of a pea situated at the base of the brain and is considered to be the master gland. Hormones released by this gland also stimulate other endocrine glands to produce and release hormones, which have an effect on the whole being of a human, physically and psychologically. The impact of sexual intercourse on the being of a human is severe, deep and everlasting.

So back to the FIRST drive –

To live, to survive, to be happy, to love and be loved….

Children (should) enjoy all facets of the first drive in a non-sexual way while depending on parents and guardians, and they (should) realize that many privileges in life are reserved for self-sufficient, independent adults. (Personally I disapprove of the word ‘rights’ in human rights, for living is a privilege.)

Teenagers may ask: “Now when does one (ever) reach the stage of self-sufficiency or personal independence?”

For a man: When he has proved his ability to provide food and shelter for himself, a wife and children, and when he is able to protect himself, his wife and children. In ancient times it was quite easy for a boy of fifteen to kill an edible animal, or to catch enough fish to feed a family for a week, or to crop the food he sowed and planted. At fifteen he was even clever enough to convince his mother and sisters to help him with the nitty-gritty of these tasks. Even in the days of our grandparents an eighteen year old boy who has proved his skills to provide and protect could marry a fourteen year old girl without beating the minds of the elders. Nowadays, at the age of twenty without a college degree, he will earn barely enough to satisfy his own wants and needs, not to talk about those of a wife and children.

For a woman: Since ancient time until approximately the middle of the twentieth century women had the privilege to rely on men for food, shelter and protection. Women were supposed to prepare meals, clean and decorate the shelter and taking care of the children she bore and was therefore nubile at the age of puberty, although she may not have been sexually matured to the full. (Millions of women between the age of thirteen and sixteen died while given birth to children). Theologians claim that Mary was thirteen years old when she gave birth to Jesus. Nowadays, considering the easy termination of matrimonial vows, women have no choice but to ensure their own personal independence and financial ability to take care of the children they bore.

Keep in mind that people hardly reached the age of forty in ancient times. To multiply was therefore a matter of urgency. To confirm the instinctive idea that multiplication is an urgent matter: Look at children and teenagers – they have a desire to be older and bigger than they are. They are driven by the urge to live to multiply as soon as possible. Messages of this urge change radically at the age of approximately forty when it motivates people to stay young and healthy and to get rid of all unnecessary responsibilities.

Also keep in mind that divorces were allowed through the ages, though fathers of rejected daughters were forced by law to resume the responsibility of providing and protecting. Fathers were, however, outrageous stern and merciless; they did not tolerate failures; rejected daughters were treated as slaves. A man who divorced a woman was also regarded as scum. To survive he had to move to another country where he could introduce himself as a widower. This may have been the reason for the existence of millions of orphanages, cloisters and monasteries all over the world. These institutions have, however, lost their strength and ability to ensure the survival of the human race.

“Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another.” Immanuel Kant.



  • (I use percentages reluctantly, because you get lies, more lies, then statistics. Researching this topic, I did not find two similar lists of statistics, so I calculated the average, knowing that numbers are not really the issue. We all know too many teenagers are destroying their zest for life or at least postponing it by being sexually active. Some of the most resent reports are available at,,
  • Teenagers are battling with their hormones, struggling their way to independency in a society ruled by ignorant, selfish adults who bombard them daily with movies, television series and programs saturated with less and more explicit sex, magazines with pictures of models suggesting sexual activities on every second page, music and lyrics aggravating sexual hormones and thoughts, lascivious dancing on television, Internet, on stages and at parties. (Dancing teachers have no qualms teaching so-called modern dance techniques to children even when it is downright sexual suggestions.)
  • To engage in sexual activities is the easiest thing in the world. Just be on the right time at the right place with the wrong person(s).
  • APHA - the American Public Health Association – reported sexual activity as a result of peer pressure. Teenagers don’t necessary ‘know’ that their peers are having sex, it is an intuitive assumption based on whatever they see, hear and sense, mostly in media content.
  • Sex is no longer a forbidden topic. It has been exploited and cut open to the bone. The concept of ultimate love in matrimony is superannuated; sex is regarded as simply natural, like participating in any kind of sport, with an equal risk of injury. It may be practiced without any commitment; no more shared responsibilities regarding consequences; everyone for himself and the devil for all. Sex is ‘fun’ and there is nothing wrong with enjoying this provided boys/men use condoms. All negative consequences are to blame on condoms and other contraceptives – they were either absent or inadequate.
  • 83% of girls have lost their virginity by the age of 18.
  • 20% sexually active girls are pregnant by the age of 18.
  • 48% of American teenagers are sexually active. The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy, birth, and abortion in the industrialized world. (I guess they forgot about Africa.)
  • 60% of teenagers regard oral sex as a non-sexual activity.
  • Two Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 are contracting HIV every hour (and I bet this is happening at 20 per hour in Africa, including South-Africa).
  • 95% of sexual offences in Jerusalem were performed by religious people. (Are there any non-religious people in Jerusalem?)
  • APHA found that girls who lost their virginity by age 12 had partners at least five years their senior.
  • It is a myth that talking about sex and making contraceptives available encourage children to become sexually active.
  • Sexual active teenagers are struggling with feelings of guilt, low self-esteems, confusion, a lack of interest in ‘normal’ teenage activities, such as improving general knowledge, participating and competing in sport and culture. They are, indeed, alone and lonely, uprooted, distracted and dissociated from Self and reality.
  • 90% adults regard their initial sexual experience unfavorably and wish they could have avoided it. (Perhaps the remaining 10% are intellectually or emotionally retarded?).


Submitted by teenagers: Give us the green light to experiment sexually; give us contraceptives and how-to-use-it-manuals. Trust us and stop meddling in our affairs.

Submitted by ignorant adults: Don’t let sexual active teenagers become our burden; don’t allow them to deprive us from our peace and happiness; teach them how to practice safe sex, but woe betide you if you teach them something we don’t think they ought to know.

On a divine level: On this level many horrible methods were enforced, such as the stoning of the culprits, condemnations and holy punishments by churches, temporary and eternal damnations by Bible thumpers. These methods proved to be totally ineffective and, in fact, barbaric. So let’s consider the following -

  1. Teach children BEFORE the age of twelve everything about sex. Until the age of ± eleven a child does not attach a sexual significance to his acts, although he might know he trespasses moral rules, therefore a child should know the rationale of these rules before he reach the age of twelve. (Knowledge is power; education is what is left after you have forgotten what you have learned; curiosity kills cats!)
  2. All questions asked by children should be taken seriously. The time for evasive answers is gone. Honesty, straight-forwardness, the real truth and all interpretations of the truth need to be explained in order to prevent the development of negative perceptions in the mind of a child. Parents should acquire the needed knowledge, wisdom and skills, for they are still the most primary educators. ‘I-know-it-all-attitudes’ should be banished, for the more one knows, the more one knows how much there still are to be known.
  3. Supplying efficient educational resources should be a challenge to manufacturers of toys and games. Writers of fiction and non-fiction as well as publishers should grab the opportunity to shape sexual perceptions positively.
  4. Sexualisation - the imposition of adult sexuality onto children and teenagers – should be forbidden. Pornography and advertisements containing irrelevant sexual suggestions should be regarded as drugs corrupting the minds of old and young. It should be at least for adults only and classified in the same category as alcohol and nicotine.
  5. We should take better care of our children – stop trusting all members of our families and suppressing our suspicions that one or more of them might be paedophiles, exhibitionist or plain sex maniacs. We should stop allowing our teenagers to go to places where they might get sexually intimidated by strangers, stop trusting the friends of our teenagers as well as their parents, for we know that teenagers are capable of abusing other teenagers/children, and most parents are too busy heading towards their own selfish goals to prevent exploratory play in their own houses.
  6. Sexual abstinence could be rewarded in a non-discriminative and positive way by governments.
  7. Governments, corporations and institutions should encourage and support projects that promote sexual purity, such as stage performances and programs on television.
  8. Educators should get the opportunity to specialize in a subject called ‘Human behaviour’, including moral principles. Curricula should encourage the delay of sexual activity and adequately provides skills needed to develop intimate loving relationships as adults.This subject should not be given with the exclusive aim to prevent sexual activities amongst teenagers, but to provide knowledge regarding the behavior of human beings. At the end of a day a student should be able to answer questions like: Do you know and understand yourself? Do you understand other people? Can you name and trust your feelings in all situations? Do you know the reasons why you should feel uncomfortable in certain situations? Are you able to protect yourself in dangerous circumstances? Do you understand your sexual needs and do you know how to control it? Are you sure you know exactly what sex is in all its different facets? Do you know the risks of sexual freedom and how to protect yourself against all threats involved? Do you know the laws regarding sexual activities? Do you know marriage has many advantages?
  9. Of course it is too late to retrieve lost innocence, but it is never too late to take up the reigns of morality and set codes that will enhance the quality of humanity.

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” George Washington.

“Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.” Ayn Rand.

Being a Christian

I need to know what the Bible says about this issue –

Mat 15:19: For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slanders.

James 1:13-15: Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

1Cor 6:18-19: Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?


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    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Hi Sanxuary, yes, it is a very-very sad state of affairs when children have sex with their parents' consent. There is a very good reason why sex is only meant for married people who have legally agreed to support each other in sickness and health.... and I guess that you can guess the rest of my speech :) Anyway, I think it is time for me to read and edit this article of mine. I have written it right in the beginning of my endeavour to master English..... Thanks for your comment :) Oh, and BTW, how many kids take notice of the word 'no'?

    • profile image

      Sanxuary 4 years ago

      Left out of our modern day equation is the idea of telling all our kids no.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Sanxuary, thank you so much for your profound comment. I agree with you all the way. But interesting is the fact that this have been the words of wise people throughout the ages. Socrates, apparently via Plato, filed the same kind of complaint ages ago, and many others as well, about the youth. I do believe that there is a profound reason why teenagers always challenge the boundaries that were established by parents - reminds me of the universe forever expanding. All, or at least most new discoveries, including knowledge, is the result of the rebellious refusal to accept and stick to the norm set by society. But then, in this jungle called life, only the strongest and maybe luckiest survive, and the very strong manage to break the records of their parents. The rest simply exist in the consequences of the mistakes they have made while they were teenagers. I appreciate your thought-provoking comments on my hubs :)

    • profile image

      Sanxuary 4 years ago

      I think we are dealing with much larger problems. Our children are being educated into adult decisions at a very early age. Instead they need to know there limits for their age and such education needs to be one on one at the parents discretion. Many children are even being confused on gender and feel like its a choice based on what flavor of ice cream they feel like having this week. Teaching life skills and responsibilities usually works best in reigning in a rebellious child. Unfortunately, television and the intranet bombards them and provides easy access to a fantasy World where most children live at their age. I have seen this on such an unrealistic level that its beyond normal. Online relationships with no personal interaction that consume their lives and meet the level of a sexual relationship in their minds when nothing is even happening. Bringing reality to there lives is like taking heroin away from an addict. Its not surprising that we have gun toting kids executing murder by proxy. Last estimate they claimed on one online combat game to have killed the World population six times. After years of military service I could not play the game myself for it was to unrealistic. Oddly, it has been used as a recruiting tool. The other discovery I have made is the number of systems that serve to undermine parents. Children actually inciting their parents to get violent with them because they think they know how to manipulate the law. Parents are up against a lot of insane things today and every kid wants everything given to them. Even parents undermining other parents based on what some kid told them is very common not to mention relatives. Parents are no longer acting like parents and kids are often running their show. We have all been taught that some imaginary system exist, that all you have to do is punch the ticket and climb the ladder and success will happen. Today you can do all that and end up no where. Parents need choice, not some parent who thinks everyone's child should be like theirs. Life is not a multiple choice test where you might finally pass at age forty. They love to try children as adults these days and small mistakes are becoming a life long badge of shame.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      @ Deborah Brooks – what a surprise! I have forgotten about this hub. It probably needs some editing!

      So true: Sexual activities at a too young age is like jumping in a stormy river while not yet able to swim – a traumatic experience with disastrous consequences – twisting one’s self-esteem and pattern of thoughts. If only humans were able to take good advice to heart. But not only as children, also as adults, we do what we want, and just because we believe in ourselves and our ability to discover the Ultimate Success we are not able to see, or comprehend. But so did Edison discover electricity, Galileo, Astronomy and Charles Darwin, Evolution. Mary was 12-13 when she gave birth to Jesus, but those days women were raised to marry when they reach the age of 12-13, and men were raised to be bread winners and fathers at a young age. The norm has changed, the economical environment has changed, but unfortunately not the hormones in human bodies. Thanks, Debbie, for the visit and for sharing :)

      @ GinaBina4 – My son and I had a very close relationship while I was the only woman in his life. But while (most) mothers always have a close relationship with their daughters, they have to step back to allow another woman to become the closest female in her son’s life. If she refuses to step back, her son will never find the happiness he deserves. But note, I have used the word ‘back’ and not ‘out’. Take care Gina :)

    • GinaBina4 profile image

      Gina 4 years ago from West Tennessee

      Thanks for this hub. It's very interesting and informative. My son is about to be 12 this November and I already see that "teenager mentality" in him. It literally scares me. We have a close relationship right not but I don't know if it will stay that way but I am going to be all in his life, whether he wants it or not. Thanks again.


    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      wow Martie.. I wonder why i never read this hub,, it is so interesting and well done.. You are so right in so many cases.. I know young people like to explore sexually but it hurts them emotionally and mentally if we can instill in them the values and morals of God then we can have a chance.. and then sometimes they go off and do what they want any way.. I love this hub.. I am sharing with my friends with teens.. God Bless you my friend


    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      sam – Both my children pretended to be in denial. Although we had an open relationship they were too shy to admit anything regarding their sexual development. In spite of the fact that I was telling them the facts of life, they preferred to belief that I want them to stay sweet and innocent for the rest of their lives.

      If I were you I will keep on talking to her.... not preaching.... just talking. Don’t expect her to allow you inside her mind where she hides her true feelings and thoughts. Just know she hears every word you say and she will ponder over it and even discuss it with her closest friend(s). You will find a lot of guidance on the Internet. Just google all relevant words. Thanks for the visit, Sam. Take care!

    • profile image

      sam 6 years ago

      All information was great. I'm still worried about my 13 year old. All stated in the hub was true, but how can I get my child out of denial of her sexuality. I think she feels that I would be dissappointed in her. We are all human. I just want to protect and help her through this stage in her life. I wish she would stop blaming others for her mistakes and face reality. Sex is a big step in life, at this point she states she has done nothing. However, has kiss with petting.



    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      katiem2 – There are always many solutions to problems – but it seems to me that solutions already implemented to minimize the fatal consequences of sexual activities during the teenage phase of life, are not successful. Perhaps it should just be legalized like prostitution in Holland, and controlled – perhaps via the issuing of licenses on the condition that children born in this ‘bonding’ are given to infertile adult couples. Unfortunately the consequences of the latter may also be devastating.

      I think the most unfortunate consequence of teenage-sex is the feeling of guilt it provokes and feeds. This feeling increase with age and become a major obstacle hampering development as an adult. It is quite difficult to overcome in order to reach a state of happiness and contentment.

      Thanks a lot katiem, for your comment and oh so kind fan mail. I feel honored to have you now as an official follower. I did not even notice you were not, because you’ve supported me since the beginning. But yes, it is better to be an official- than unofficial follower.

      Take good care of yours and yourself, dear lady. Just keep on being your beautiful you.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

      I really am impressed with your solutions section in sexual active teenagers a problem with a solution. The big picture is to teach them how to be responsible and to allow them to be open and real. We humans are animals in the regard of sexual behavior and it's best to hit it head on with knowledge. It will happen and there's no putting that in a box! Well DONE and a great resource. I def will share this!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      6hotfingers3 – To be honest, I wish my parents and I could have read this in time. Today’s parents and teenagers have so many privileges regarding the attainment of knowledge and insight in this topic – in my time this was not a topic of discussion. We had to learn whatever knowledge on our own and in a demeaning manner. Thanks for your much appreciated comment.

    • 6hotfingers3 profile image

      6hotfingers3 6 years ago

      GREAT HUB!!!

      I wish all teens and their guardians could read this well organized and professionally presented Hub. Keep up the good work!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Specialk3749 – I agree with every word of yours! I wish my mother was like you. But those days sex was not even a known word in our language, not to talk about an appropriate topic to discuss with children. Thanks for the visit!

    • Specialk3749 profile image

      Karen Metz 7 years ago from Michigan

      I have always been open with my children about sex. I have always said I would not lie to them when they came to me with a question, no matter how young. It should be the parents who educate their children on this subject, not schools or other children.

      We need to teach our children the consequences, both physical and mentally, of being sexually active. I think people forget that there are mental consequences too. Then we need to help them fight the temptations that lurk out there. I do not believe in giving teens birth control, but I do believe in teaching them about the dire consequences.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      LizzyBoo – So nice to meet you! It really feels good to know that you liked the article and gathered some information. I wish I had this info when I needed it. In my time this was a forbidden topic. Knowledge is power. I saw you are a lover of animals and I plan to visit your zoo very soon :))

    • LizzyBoo profile image

      LizzyBoo 7 years ago from Czech Republic

      Martie your article is amazing. I love articles which makes me think and opens new questions which I should ask myself. You have gathered a lot of information. I see I still have to learn this. Thank you so much for this excellent article.


    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      prasetio30 – Unfortunately the girls bear the consequences most of the times while the boys have only fun. Regarding pregnancies they say in English ‘the girls get the bag to HOLD’ and in my language, which is Afrikaans, they say ‘the girls bear with the baked pears’. Thank you for reading and showing concern in your amiable comment. I was wondering what the teenagers in your part of the world think and do about the issue. I could not find any information about them. May you enjoy a peaceful weekend.

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Wow... you give us complete information about this topic. It looks terrible when the teenager know sex earlier than their age. They don't have any responsibility after doing this. They still have long journey and the bright future. I know it looks fun but for the girls, they have to bear all the consequences of this act. Good topic selection. Thank you very much. Vote this Up.


    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 7 years ago from England

      Hi, it seems we never learn! lol nell

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Nell Rose – This whole issue is actually so sad and I’m really concerned about my grandchildren. Only one fact gives me hope: Every generation complains about the behavior of the youth. Check these quotes from guess who -

      "What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" (Plato, though some reckon it was said by Sokrates).

      "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth is reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint" (Hesiod, 8th century BC.)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 7 years ago from England

      Hi, I know someone commented above about being a bit too long, but I didn't care I was absolutely glued to the PC! it was a very detailed hub, and so true, everything you said was backed up by me sitting here saying 'yes'! I was only reading the other day about girls in a seaside resort it England getting so drunk they were on the floor outside the night clubs, this is happening when they go abroad, and now over here in England too. They put themselves at risk from rape mugging and murder. Stupid Stupid Stupid! I blame the schools and the government. Back in the seventies and before that, we had the cane and the ruler, and if you were bad you also got the slipper! then the politically correct idiots arrived and we weren't allowed to yell or hit the poor sweet little darlings! now look at us! the country and the morals are a mess! so this was well needed. rated up cheers nell

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      @ izettl – I believe your daughter will be just like you. Healthy, open communication, lots of love, strong self-esteem and a rewarding hobby or two (like dancing) will surely be an armature of steel you can give her in time.

      @ Storytellersrus – Well, when they’ve made it through the critical stage (13-17), you might as well throw them a party to celebrate their victory. Just to encourage them to stay wise for another few years, you know :-) Imagine: Instead of balloons, condoms with notes inside. “Just want you to know we’re not yet ready to be grandparents.” I was lucky, my two managed to escape teenage-hood unhurt. But my hair rises when they tell me now where they were and what they’ve done while I was under the impression they were safe and sound.

      @ Deni Edwards – I’ve tried to give only the most important info – this is but a summery of 140 pages! (It was research done for a high school play, though I had to update some of the statistics). Thanks for reading and leaving such a kind comment.

    • Deni Edwards profile image

      Deni Edwards 7 years ago from california

      Wow! Interesting hub and well-thought out. So much information...Thanks, again!

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Martie, this is fascinating and terrifying. I have three young adult children hovering around age 20.

      I did not know there was a correlation between sex and depression and suicide,though it makes sense. There is so much pressure to be sexually active, as you say, with tv and movies and Hollywood's high divorce rate, etc. And yet there is the spiritual component which says sex is bad. It is very tricky to manage as a parent. I love how you gave your son condoms. This action demonstrated a realistic love.

      Much to consider here. Thanks. And yes, it was long. But this allows us to read the parts that most interest us as individuals. Hugs!

    • izettl profile image

      Lizett 7 years ago from The Great Northwest

      There are so many factors involved in this, but you really mentioned the important ones. My daughter is 3 so I'm a long way off from dealing with this. But it all starts now, in a way, with self-esteem at least.

      I know people say teach kids about sex at a certain age, but my parents never talked about it with me and I made it past my teen years before having sex so that's why I know there are multiple reasons some girls wait and others do it prematurely.

      Good for you tackling a tough topic- great hub!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      equealla – Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I did cut a bit, but what’s left is really important and I’m glad you agree. While researching I was quite stunned - it seems to me if the ‘world’ just accepts sexual activities amongst teenagers as okay – they are only trying to make sure the culprits don’t complicate the lives of adults. I was wondering, what if teenagers are allowed to get ‘married’ but without the privilege of having children. (All children have to be adopted by adults who can’t have children.) Those ‘married’ will take (jealously and possessively) care of each other, studying together, (hopefully) not allowing each other to use drugs or sleep around... oh gosh, I’m dreaming deserts change into oceans! I guess they determined Mary’s age in accordance with the norm of that age. You know fathers were quite eager to get rid of their daughters – they had a lobolo system. I’ve studied this so many years ago, can’t remember all the facts (which may not have been facts, as you know everything is based on theories and speculations). Have a nice, sunny, warm, winter’s day in our beautiful country!

    • equealla profile image

      equealla 7 years ago from Pretoria, South Africa

      Martie, you have done a great job putting this together. It must have used a lot of your time. I do not think you must shorten it. Perhaps it is a bit long for hub hopping , but in the end it will be the article that must speak to those who need it.Those who will target search for this info, will find invaluable advice in here. This could also be a well prepared document for case workers and helpers.

      I am just curious, how do they want to define the age of Mary. These people must be old, very old to have lived that time to have known her! lol

      Thank you for the well written hub.


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      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Good for you, Martie! you are a smart mom!

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      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Tony – I agree with you: “Treat them with respect and honesty – even if they don’t deserve it. What you show will be showed to you. I believe we should be like mirrors – a person looking and talking to us, must see his most beautiful self in us. It feels like yesterday when I was a teenager. I was a rebel and terribly cheeky, because I’ve lost my respect for adults after a traumatic experience. I cooperated only with those who treated me with respect. Thanks for reading and improving my hub with your wise words.

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      Tony McGregor 7 years ago from South Africa

      I think it is so important to tell children the truth in all things, including sex. Obviously at different stages of a child's life their understanding is different and so it is necessary to provide the information in a way appropriate to the age of the child.

      And in the teenage years the young people need lots and lots of support and positive feedback because it is a difficult time for them. And they are so wonderful! Treat them with the respect and honesty they deserve and mostly they will respond well.

      Thanks for a very thought-provoking Hub.

      Love and peace


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      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      @ habee - 15 years ago when my son left home to start his career as musician in the Defence Force, I gave him a bag filled with condoms, but I’ve asked him to try and postpone the use of it until he meets the woman of his dreams. So he kept the bag in the trunk of his car, and every time somebody sees it, it was: “Wow, stock for Africa! Where did you get that?” And he bragged: “My mother gave it to me.” In our community it was (and still is) quite weird for a mother to do this, but I did it because I thought it was the best way to ask him to be wise and responsible. And he was.

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      Holle Abee 7 years ago from Georgia

      Ugh. I say put condoms in their lockers!

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      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Loves To Read – Yes, we’ve got to be very concern about this issue. If it was not for my grandchildren I would have say ‘let them do whatever they want’. But just thinking of my pretty little jewels, knowing that their paths ahead are filled with too many landmines and dark holes (instead of only thorns) makes me shiver. I still believe that values and morals have to be imbedded in children between age 1 and 7 and then refined UP to the age of 12. Once they become teenagers, they are on their own missions until they become parents themselves. Thanks for your lovely comment!

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      Loves To Read 7 years ago

      Hi Martie, this is a very informative hub and you have put a lot of work into it. Great job....

      Sadly all you say is so true about our children and grand children. They are being taught too much too young. My 5 year old grand daughter knows more than i knew at 13.

      There has always been a minority of THOSE girls even when i was in high school, but most of us did not give them a second thought. Now the good girls are the minority. With lack of discipline in the schools and at home being a parent is becoming a nightmare. It certainly doesn't help when schools are handing out free condoms as i was informed earlier today.

      I think that a lot of the girls have filthier mouths than the boys and having sex is no different that kissing as far as they are concerned.In fact as you say they are having oral sex and say so, as if it is the most natural thing to do. They do not consider it as sexual intercourse. What a sad state of affairs. Where is the leadership in our countries. The kids can't hope to learn anything better when Politicians, teachers, Some Church leaders etc. are self proclaimed gays and lesbians and are openly and actively trying to win all the privileges of husbands and wives.This is an abomination and goes against everything that i was raised with. Most of all though is goes against the teachings of God. May He return before our world gets any worse than it is.

      God Bless you Martie.

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      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      dawnM – I agree wholeheartedly with you! I feel so sorry for most men – the majority is arrogant know-it-alls who believe they will loose their manhood if they read a book or attend seminars titled husband- or fatherhood. I feel so sorry for children who grow up with a crooked husband- and father rolmodel. And, of course, I take my hat off for the minority who conform to requirements. On the other hand, my father was in my view almost perfect, and yet he failed to be what I needed him to be. But he realized this (a bit too late) to the benefit of my younger sisters and brothers. Thank you so much for improving my hub with your comment!

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      Dawn Michael 7 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Excellent written and well throughout hub, what you had to say is so true and the solutions as well. Teenagers this day with the hormones and the way in which they dress and see what they do on TV. no wonder they are having sex so young. A girl will be less likely to have sex with a boy at a young age if her father and she have a strong and good relationship. A father plays a very big role in his daughter’s life especially when it comes time for her to date boys. She will be less likely to look for their attention if she already has it with her father. So to all of the dads out there take time to be a good role model to your daughter. Tell her to dress appropriately so as not to tease the poor boys that have hormones of a raging

      Great article!!!

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      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Minnetonka Twin – Thank you for reading and commenting. I do not normally write long hubs, but this topic is quite a prickly pear and making it shorter might weaken the message. I will, however, sleep on it and hopefully, once dissociate, I may be able to cut some sentences. Yes, I’m sure teenagers can read this just as it is. Although they don’t really want to hear this.

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      Linda Rogers 7 years ago from Minnesota

      I agree that we need better education on sexuality and morality in the home and outside the home. I am helping raise my sisters two teenagers and anything I can read on the best way to handle this developmental stage is greatly appreciated. This hub was interesting but a little long for me. thx for your hard work.