Sexual active teenagers (a problem without a solution?)
“If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values - that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
The world is allegedly in the midst of a sexual revolution. Advertisements, fashion, entertainment of all sorts, name it, promote and encourage sexual freedom.
So how do we approach the aggressive demand by particularly teenagers for sexual freedom?
Three primary drives
We have to keep the THREE primary drives of all living creatures in mind -
- To live >> to survive >> (Humans add: to be happy >> to love and be loved >>)
- To multiply > which requires sex or insemination
- To die > (which may happen psychologically with humans long before they die physically).
We also have to keep in mind that the definition of sexual intercourse has been expanded and may include non-sexual organs. ‘Inter’ means ‘between’, and ‘course’ means ‘connecting’, ‘acting’, ‘route’, ‘progress’; any intimate connection between people, weather penetrative or non-penetrative, is regarded as sexual intercourse.
People are physically ready to multiply at approximately thirteen to fifteen years old and even earlier. But if allowed to, they will, for sure, not be able to live and survive as dignified human beings. Logically a human being – with more brains than any other primate on earth - has no choice but to ensure his/her survival BEFORE starting to multiply.
Ask teenagers where sexual freedom fits in, and they will answer: “Of course under the first drive (to live), or do you think we want babies?”
Okay, they say under the first, ignoring some gruesome facts. To live means to survive and to be able to survive one needs to be physically and psychologically HEALTHY. The results of sexual freedom are infections, causing life-long real and imaginary aches and pains, pelvic inflammatory diseases such as Gonorrhoea, affecting the womb and fallopian tubes, ectopic pregnancies and infertility; infection of the testicles, which may cause infertility, other transmitting deceases such as Chlamydia, Syphilis and HIV/AIDS. Besides deceases it may result in unwanted pregnancies, abortions (which may cause infertility). All these consequences lead to unhappiness, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, suicide, sexual crimes, broken families.
Sexual freedom makes total commitment impossible, for the human soul prefers purity. Commitment to impurity sets all the rules of human nature at naught. Marrying a virgin is every man’s dream and being the first (and only) triumph of a man, is every woman’s dream.
Suicide can be psychological, meaning murdering one’s true self, the centre of one’s self-esteem. “Who/what am I?” is questions frequently asked by the inner-self, and great confusion occurs in the mind of the teenager who may be physically mature for sexual intercourse but not yet emotional. Emotional security depends on inter-alia self-sufficiency, when survival is accomplished without the financial assistance of Good Samaritans such as parents, family members and welfare organizations.
We are doing our best to get these facts into the minds of teenagers, apparently in vain, for most of them find themselves already in the third drive - TO DIE.
Statistics proved that most teenagers who committed suicide were sexually active. Depression is a psychological reaction on sexual intercourse, only momentarily in secured relationships, but durable when partners are insecure. During sexual intercourse, also known as copulation or coitus, the souls of those involved touch and communicate, in other words the emotions of the individuals during intercourse BOND. These bonds may be weak or strong, but definitely unbreakable. It becomes part of a person’s complicated individuality.
To approach this scientifically: Sexual thoughts as well as actions stimulate the pituitary gland to release hormones. This is an endocrine gland about the size of a pea situated at the base of the brain and is considered to be the master gland. Hormones released by this gland also stimulate other endocrine glands to produce and release hormones, which have an effect on the whole being of a human, physically and psychologically. The impact of sexual intercourse on the being of a human is severe, deep and everlasting.
So back to the FIRST drive –
To live, to survive, to be happy, to love and be loved….
Children (should) enjoy all facets of the first drive in a non-sexual way while depending on parents and guardians, and they (should) realize that many privileges in life are reserved for self-sufficient, independent adults. (Personally I disapprove of the word ‘rights’ in human rights, for living is a privilege.)
Teenagers may ask: “Now when does one (ever) reach the stage of self-sufficiency or personal independence?”
For a man: When he has proved his ability to provide food and shelter for himself, a wife and children, and when he is able to protect himself, his wife and children. In ancient times it was quite easy for a boy of fifteen to kill an edible animal, or to catch enough fish to feed a family for a week, or to crop the food he sowed and planted. At fifteen he was even clever enough to convince his mother and sisters to help him with the nitty-gritty of these tasks. Even in the days of our grandparents an eighteen year old boy who has proved his skills to provide and protect could marry a fourteen year old girl without beating the minds of the elders. Nowadays, at the age of twenty without a college degree, he will earn barely enough to satisfy his own wants and needs, not to talk about those of a wife and children.
For a woman: Since ancient time until approximately the middle of the twentieth century women had the privilege to rely on men for food, shelter and protection. Women were supposed to prepare meals, clean and decorate the shelter and taking care of the children she bore and was therefore nubile at the age of puberty, although she may not have been sexually matured to the full. (Millions of women between the age of thirteen and sixteen died while given birth to children). Theologians claim that Mary was thirteen years old when she gave birth to Jesus. Nowadays, considering the easy termination of matrimonial vows, women have no choice but to ensure their own personal independence and financial ability to take care of the children they bore.
Keep in mind that people hardly reached the age of forty in ancient times. To multiply was therefore a matter of urgency. To confirm the instinctive idea that multiplication is an urgent matter: Look at children and teenagers – they have a desire to be older and bigger than they are. They are driven by the urge to live to multiply as soon as possible. Messages of this urge change radically at the age of approximately forty when it motivates people to stay young and healthy and to get rid of all unnecessary responsibilities.
Also keep in mind that divorces were allowed through the ages, though fathers of rejected daughters were forced by law to resume the responsibility of providing and protecting. Fathers were, however, outrageous stern and merciless; they did not tolerate failures; rejected daughters were treated as slaves. A man who divorced a woman was also regarded as scum. To survive he had to move to another country where he could introduce himself as a widower. This may have been the reason for the existence of millions of orphanages, cloisters and monasteries all over the world. These institutions have, however, lost their strength and ability to ensure the survival of the human race.
“Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another.” Immanuel Kant.
- (I use percentages reluctantly, because you get lies, more lies, then statistics. Researching this topic, I did not find two similar lists of statistics, so I calculated the average, knowing that numbers are not really the issue. We all know too many teenagers are destroying their zest for life or at least postponing it by being sexually active. Some of the most resent reports are available at dcsf.gov.uk, dailymail.co.uk, sky.com.)
- Teenagers are battling with their hormones, struggling their way to independency in a society ruled by ignorant, selfish adults who bombard them daily with movies, television series and programs saturated with less and more explicit sex, magazines with pictures of models suggesting sexual activities on every second page, music and lyrics aggravating sexual hormones and thoughts, lascivious dancing on television, Internet, on stages and at parties. (Dancing teachers have no qualms teaching so-called modern dance techniques to children even when it is downright sexual suggestions.)
- To engage in sexual activities is the easiest thing in the world. Just be on the right time at the right place with the wrong person(s).
- APHA - the American Public Health Association – reported sexual activity as a result of peer pressure. Teenagers don’t necessary ‘know’ that their peers are having sex, it is an intuitive assumption based on whatever they see, hear and sense, mostly in media content.
- Sex is no longer a forbidden topic. It has been exploited and cut open to the bone. The concept of ultimate love in matrimony is superannuated; sex is regarded as simply natural, like participating in any kind of sport, with an equal risk of injury. It may be practiced without any commitment; no more shared responsibilities regarding consequences; everyone for himself and the devil for all. Sex is ‘fun’ and there is nothing wrong with enjoying this provided boys/men use condoms. All negative consequences are to blame on condoms and other contraceptives – they were either absent or inadequate.
- 83% of girls have lost their virginity by the age of 18.
- 20% sexually active girls are pregnant by the age of 18.
- 48% of American teenagers are sexually active. The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy, birth, and abortion in the industrialized world. (I guess they forgot about Africa.)
- 60% of teenagers regard oral sex as a non-sexual activity.
- Two Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 are contracting HIV every hour (and I bet this is happening at 20 per hour in Africa, including South-Africa).
- 95% of sexual offences in Jerusalem were performed by religious people. (Are there any non-religious people in Jerusalem?)
- APHA found that girls who lost their virginity by age 12 had partners at least five years their senior.
- It is a myth that talking about sex and making contraceptives available encourage children to become sexually active.
- Sexual active teenagers are struggling with feelings of guilt, low self-esteems, confusion, a lack of interest in ‘normal’ teenage activities, such as improving general knowledge, participating and competing in sport and culture. They are, indeed, alone and lonely, uprooted, distracted and dissociated from Self and reality.
- 90% adults regard their initial sexual experience unfavorably and wish they could have avoided it. (Perhaps the remaining 10% are intellectually or emotionally retarded?).
Submitted by teenagers: Give us the green light to experiment sexually; give us contraceptives and how-to-use-it-manuals. Trust us and stop meddling in our affairs.
Submitted by ignorant adults: Don’t let sexual active teenagers become our burden; don’t allow them to deprive us from our peace and happiness; teach them how to practice safe sex, but woe betide you if you teach them something we don’t think they ought to know.
On a divine level: On this level many horrible methods were enforced, such as the stoning of the culprits, condemnations and holy punishments by churches, temporary and eternal damnations by Bible thumpers. These methods proved to be totally ineffective and, in fact, barbaric. So let’s consider the following -
- Teach children BEFORE the age of twelve everything about sex. Until the age of ± eleven a child does not attach a sexual significance to his acts, although he might know he trespasses moral rules, therefore a child should know the rationale of these rules before he reach the age of twelve. (Knowledge is power; education is what is left after you have forgotten what you have learned; curiosity kills cats!)
- All questions asked by children should be taken seriously. The time for evasive answers is gone. Honesty, straight-forwardness, the real truth and all interpretations of the truth need to be explained in order to prevent the development of negative perceptions in the mind of a child. Parents should acquire the needed knowledge, wisdom and skills, for they are still the most primary educators. ‘I-know-it-all-attitudes’ should be banished, for the more one knows, the more one knows how much there still are to be known.
- Supplying efficient educational resources should be a challenge to manufacturers of toys and games. Writers of fiction and non-fiction as well as publishers should grab the opportunity to shape sexual perceptions positively.
- Sexualisation - the imposition of adult sexuality onto children and teenagers – should be forbidden. Pornography and advertisements containing irrelevant sexual suggestions should be regarded as drugs corrupting the minds of old and young. It should be at least for adults only and classified in the same category as alcohol and nicotine.
- We should take better care of our children – stop trusting all members of our families and suppressing our suspicions that one or more of them might be paedophiles, exhibitionist or plain sex maniacs. We should stop allowing our teenagers to go to places where they might get sexually intimidated by strangers, stop trusting the friends of our teenagers as well as their parents, for we know that teenagers are capable of abusing other teenagers/children, and most parents are too busy heading towards their own selfish goals to prevent exploratory play in their own houses.
- Sexual abstinence could be rewarded in a non-discriminative and positive way by governments.
- Governments, corporations and institutions should encourage and support projects that promote sexual purity, such as stage performances and programs on television.
- Educators should get the opportunity to specialize in a subject called ‘Human behaviour’, including moral principles. Curricula should encourage the delay of sexual activity and adequately provides skills needed to develop intimate loving relationships as adults.This subject should not be given with the exclusive aim to prevent sexual activities amongst teenagers, but to provide knowledge regarding the behavior of human beings. At the end of a day a student should be able to answer questions like: Do you know and understand yourself? Do you understand other people? Can you name and trust your feelings in all situations? Do you know the reasons why you should feel uncomfortable in certain situations? Are you able to protect yourself in dangerous circumstances? Do you understand your sexual needs and do you know how to control it? Are you sure you know exactly what sex is in all its different facets? Do you know the risks of sexual freedom and how to protect yourself against all threats involved? Do you know the laws regarding sexual activities? Do you know marriage has many advantages?
- Of course it is too late to retrieve lost innocence, but it is never too late to take up the reigns of morality and set codes that will enhance the quality of humanity.
“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” George Washington.
“Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.” Ayn Rand.
Being a Christian
I need to know what the Bible says about this issue –
Mat 15:19: For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slanders.
James 1:13-15: Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.
1Cor 6:18-19: Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
Recommended hubs considering sexual active teenagers
- 16 And Pregnant: I Was A Baby Having A Baby
My personal experience with being a pregnant teenager. Prevent your teenager from becoming a statistic. Communication is key.