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Signs Someone Might Just Be Pretentious.

Updated on January 11, 2013

8 Traits of a Pretentious Person.

1. You belong to far too many social media sites: One or two is fine but when you're signed up to every one of them imaginable then this is a sign you are trying far too much to promote yourself. Belonging to social media sites strictly within a business capacity is fine but to be a member of every site on a personal level is just a little too self-promotional. Take it down a notch not everyone needs or wants to know who you are.

2. You post photos of your ride on video upload sites: So you've earned yourself a flashy set of wheels? Well as Shania Twain famously intoned "That don't impress me much" and unless you've been selected as the new host for Pimp My Ride or have had your vehicle selected to appear on the cover of Hot Wheels or Top Gear then you'll probably find it's not impressing too many other people either. Sites such as: You Tube and Vimeo have enough irrelevant rubbish posted on them so please keep your shiny soft top convertible parked in the garage where it belongs. The odds are you'll eventually have to swap it out for something more family friendly one day and I doubt you'll be posting up pictures of your Ford Station Wagon just as readily.

3. Everything you wear in public is branded: Once upon a time (3months back) a foolish young woman (me) let fashion get to her head and opted to buy a nice pair of Vans Sneakers to go hiking in the UK. Of course said "foolish girl" could not have just worn a regular pair of black and white sneakers, these had to be branded so she would look hip. Well to cut a long story short that girl went on a hike, slipped over on some rocks and fell on her rear-end as the branded shoes she insisted on wearing had no grip. And so after a week of not been able to sit down without cushions the "foolish girl" had an epiphany and went out and bought a much more functional pair of hiking boots for a third of the price. So there you have it fellow readers just because something looks good and expensive doesn't mean it is good, just expensive.

4. You attend seminars/conferences and tell people about it: Okay so you tell a few close friends and family members, nothing wrong with that, but when you're letting all your Twitter followers know about it then it's going a little too far. There are some very rewarding conferences and seminars out there but your need to brag about attending them is just a little off-putting. If you wanted to appear more in touch with the world and the issues surrounding it then go out and live in it. Worse still if you line up afterwards to get the person/people giving the seminar to sign every book of theirs you have ever bought.

5. You're still calling people dags and meaning it: Using the terms as a part of affectionate teasing is one thing but when you actually mean it then it just makes you look ugly. Honestly these terms are used in the high school corridors by naturally self-obsessed teens not by adults in a regularly functioning society. If you find yourself calling others low names and meaning it then it's probably time for a trip to Grow The Hell Up Land. Putting others down is a sign that you are trying to look good but sorry us regular daggy people just aren't buying it!

6. You often tilt your head to the side and raise your eyebrows: This cute on puppies but on people it's slightly unnerving. This kind of expression, when used in conversation, often tells the listener that you think you are right about everything you say. Um…sorry but just not possible to be right about everything so cool it with the blatant overconfidence. It also gives us listeners the impression that you think we should go along with everything you tell us even when it is complete bollocks. Even worse is when you pose for photographs like this. Now everyone in your exclusive entourage has photographic evidence that you are not only pretentious but also a bit of a poser.

7. You use superficial charm to brainwash people: You know exactly the right words to say and exactly the right gesture to make and you do this with spot on proficiency. You rope your listeners in to your way of thinking. Remember the WACO cult? Well they did a similar thing. So perhaps convincing people that they should follow your ideals instead of their own isn't such a grand idea after all. Not saying you will brainwash people to partake in psychotic cult-like activities but you may just stymie a person's individuality and ability to make cautious decisions of their own accord.

8. You tell people how to dress when they are around you: Anyone who is good enough to hang out with you must indeed follow your dress code for them. You're just too important in society to be seen with someone who refuses to make an effort for you. Their inability to attire as you see fit will make you look bad and you just can't have "friends" like that. Trust us we're not really over the moon having "friends" like you either. If you have to use others to feel good about yourself then perhaps you should be ticklng the pages of some Dr Robert Hare books - just saying.

#NB: This article was written by a girl who wears flat shoes, gets mud on her boots and eats pizza with her bare hands.


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