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While Some Women Are From Venus, There Are Still Others Who Are From Mars and Pluto
Hurrah for the Strong , Assertive, and In Your Face Woman
John Gray's book a while ago stated in his book that men are from Mars while women are from Venus. Dr. Gray asserted his premise to this hypothesis in that men were like the planet Mars: strong, aggressive, and competitive while women were similar to the planet Venus in that she is soft, yielding, accepting, and nonconfrontational. Well, this is not necessarily the case for all women.
Well, I offer another hypothesis and premise. There are many women who are from Mars and Pluto. These women are often aggressive, competitive, unyielding, unrelenting, fearless, and are very self-assured. These women furthermore refuse to be subordinate and second to men because of their gender. They contend that they are the equal and sometimes superior to men and they refuse to back down when asserting their argument.
Such women as girls can be described as stubborn, obstinate, and/or hardheaded. They did not succumb to the gender specifications that because one is female, one had to lead a more limited and circumspect life. They often participate in the same activities as boys, often disdaining typical girlish interests.
In supportive families, this assertiveness and fierceness were supported and encouraged by enlightened and progressive parents. However, in many families, the aforementioned behavior in girls was derided as being "unfeminine" and "not nice" but this girl did not listen to such atavistic opinions whether it was from parents, relatives, and/or other authority figures. This woman, even as a girl, adamantly refused to be conjoled into being "more feminine." In fact, she rebelled against all such strictures.
These girls were often leaders in their schools and/or among friends from an early age. They had no tolerance for the dictum that a girl should be quiet and remain in the background. When they had something to say, they expressed their opinions even though they were chastised for it. I remember as a child, when I felt that something was wrong, inane, or totally stupid, I would voice it to my mother. She, in turn, would chastise me stating that "one must always watch what one says-what would others think." I never heeded that advice!
These girls were not the type of girls who could be easily controlled. Oftentimes, they would be called stubborn and/or hardheaded because they would rather question the rules and strictures of a situation than to blindly obey them. Many teachers, especially at the elementary school level, often would find such girls so disquieting, preferring the more obedient and submissive girls who are not a threat. There was a girl in my elementary school who could be described as highly aggressive and in your face. She was a good student but was unlike the other girls in the class who were more submissive and controllable. Well, there was a teacher who believed this girl to be a threat; so whatever the girl did, she was physically punished for it. However, this girl's spirit remained unscathed.
These girls believe that their gender does not preclude them from being smart, independent, and bold. They are not afraid to state that they are smart, even smarter than boys. In high school, there was a discussion where one girl stated that she would never tell her boyfriend that she was smarter than he was because it would damage his "precious ego". I just looked at her as if she was totally insane! What, you have got to be kidding!
These girls do not care if the boy's "precious ego" is damaged. They believe in facts- if the truth hurts, so be it! These girls do not believe in playing the typical gender games. Depending upon where they belong in the teen culture, these girls can either be wildly popular with others following them or unpopular iconoclasts who follow their own drummer. Either which way, these girls have such a strong sense of self that they do not obsess as to whether or not they are popular or unpopular. They have better things to do with their lives.
These young women also do not play any games in the relationship arena. They demand to be respected and treated as equals. They further refuse to tolerate any type of game playing, upmanship, and other types of manipulative mind games. They will not remain in any type of abusive relationships-they have TOO MUCH self-respect. They are not afraid to be alone and/or the odd person out so to speak. They contend that they would rather be alone than to be in a unsupportive and toxic relationships, be it friendship, platonic, or intimate.
These young women are very assured regarding their educational and career goals. They are not afraid to go into fields and areas which are untried and so-called traditionally masculine. They are also unafraid of the word "power." They know that power is necessary in this postmodern society. They contend that either you have power and thrive or you do not have power and are at the mercy of your psychosocial environment. They prefer to have power for what it entails.
In the career arena, such women believe in taking credit when it is due. They also believe in self-promotion and seek promotions for their deserved smart work. They are loath to perform the work of inept coworkers and supervisors. They do not believe in playing the self-abnegating and sacrificial martyr at work. They view nothing wrong with asserting their self-interest, further believing that the word "selfish" is not a four letter word. These are the women are believe that every tub should sit on its own bottom and each person is responsible for himself/herself. Whining and complaining is not tolerated in their sphere and they are not hesitant to state this!
In familial relationships whether it is their family of origin and their newly created families, they are clearly assertive in stating their needs. These women will neither tolerate being taken advantage off nor abused by other family members, whether it is a parent, sibling, child, and/or husband. If the familial relationship is too toxic, these women are not hesitant to permanently dissolve the relationship. To them, their self-respect and happiness is of paramount importance!
In essence, these women are not afraid to be strong and competitive. They are also inured to what other people think of them. If they are called the "b" or the "c" word, so be it. It is themselves who they have to please and live with, not anyone else. These are the women which other women secretly envy and/or wish they could be if they had the courage to do so. These women do not believe in being needy as they have too much self-love to ever depend upon anyone. Their relationships are often genuine and matter of fact, no false pretensions and manipulations ever.
In summation, there are women who refuse to succumb the atavistic, traditional feminine stereotype of being soft, yielding, and comprising. These women are aggressive, competitive, and in your face. They are not afraid to challenge and break rules to achieve their goals. They believe in marching to their own unique drummer.
They are very comfortable with power and being in charge. They also believe in stating their wants and needs to others. They refuse to take a backseat in any relationship, be it friendship, platonic, intimate, or familial. They demand the utmost of respect and tolerate nothing less. It is not unusual for them to leave any relationship they deem to be abusive in any way. They are strong, fierce, independent, and in your face- and do not care who knows it!