Some of The Select Things One Cannot Say While Riding on Air Force One

I have a lot of respect and admiration for the pilots, staff, maintenance and security crews who keep Air Force One in the air. I want it known here that I am serious.

No other airplane or jet has ever been so admired, adored, and placed in such a prominent place in the life of our country than Air Force One. She, as pilots refer to this magnificent plane, stands gleaming and superior to all who come near "her."

Just to set foot on her entrance ladder would be the biggest thrill of my natural life. Again, I am serious. I think that much of this "Flying White House," for that is what it really is, a place of certain safety for the president, vice-president, cabinet members, and Secret Service agents and their individual staff members just in case our country, God forbid, is attacked by godless-heathens as in 9-1-1.

I would dare to say to any of these assassins without souls, "If you have an unquenchable-thirst to show the world just how stupid you really are, just try coming near Air Force One on the ground and in the air." That is all I need to say.

If I wanted, I could provide you with many more paragraphs of information about this wonderful plane, but I realize that you, my treasured-followers, have lives to live, families to tend to, and jobs to do in the work force of this nation, so I will get right to the title of this story.

To say that the atomosphere inside Air Force One is severely-guarded by the best Secret Service agents around is like saying Sprint Cup/NASCAR driver, Jeff Gordon, is a more than decent driver. Security is the number one priority of the Secret Service day and night.

Let's imagine that for some reason, President Obama is on his laptop one night researching some subject he needs to learn about to share with his staff, and he accidentally lands on HubPages and reads THIS story. He chuckles at some of this material while wrinkling his forehead while reading other parts of this hub. All in all, he tells First Lady, Michelle Obama the next moring at breakfast, "Michelle, this, uhhh, writer, some Kenneth Avery, uhh, on a thing called HubPages, really made me realize how much I have been uhhh, blessed to have such a, uhhh, wonderful plane as Air Force One. And uhhh, I want to do something for this citizen for giving us so much great publicity."

Air Force One

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

• Air Force One is the official air traffic control call sign of a United States Air Force aircraft carrying the President of the United States.[1] In common parlance the term refers to those Air Force aircraft specifically designed, built, and used for the purpose of transporting the president. The Presidential aircraft is a prominent symbol of the American presidency and its power.[2]
• The idea of designating specific military aircraft to transport the President arose in 1943, when officials of the United States Army Air Forces – the predecessor to the U.S. Air Force – became concerned with relying on commercial airlines to transport the President. A C-87 Liberator Express was reconfigured for use as a presidential transport; however, it was rejected by the Secret Service amid concerns over the aircraft's safety record. A C-54 Skymaster was then converted for presidential use; this aircraft, dubbed the Sacred Cow, transported President Franklin D. Roosevelt to the Yalta Conference in February 1945, and was subsequently used for another two years by President Harry S. Truman.
• The "Air Force One" call sign was created after a 1953 incident during which a Lockheed Constellation named Columbine II carrying President Dwight D. Eisenhower entered the same airspace as a commercial airline flight using the same call sign.[3][4][5]
• A number of aircraft types have been used as Air Force One since the creation of the presidential fleet, starting with 2 Lockheed Constellations in the late 1950s: Columbine II and Columbine III. It also has included two Boeing 707s introduced in the 1960s and 1970s, respectively; since 1990, the presidential fleet has consisted of two Boeing VC-25As – specifically configured, highly customized Boeing 747-200B series aircraft. The Air Force plans to procure the Boeing 747-8 to be the next version of Air Force One.

And with that being said (by Obama), I get the call to meet Air Force One in Charleston, S.C. in two days so I can ride Air Force One for an entire day. In the two-day wait, the White House will send me my security clearance on FedEx Ground. Am I excited or what?

On the day of my meeting Air Force One, as I start walking (with guards who will watch over me) toward Air Force One, I let go of a hilarious one-liner which causes the guards to "stop on a dime," and give me a very stern lecture on . . .

Some of The Select Things One Cannot Say While Riding on Air Force One

• "Let's be like Tom Cruise in Top Gun and buzz the landing tower."
• "Will one of you pretty girl staffers please get up and dance with me?"
• "Anyone care to hear my comedy material? It's all original. And I have some Obama jokes too."
• "I think Michelle is one smokin' hot chick. Right, guys?"
• "Why is President Obama waiting so long about giving Iran an air strike or two?"
• "Will someone who can run the CD system, put on some Hank Williams, Jr.?"
• "Ahh, we are flying over Mississippi. Does the KKK still reside down there?"
• "Hey, a nifty radio sytstem. Mind if I call up some friends. They won't believe where I am."
• "Can I watch some Family Guy on that huge plasma up there?"
• "Hey, in the kitchen. Bring me a couple of bags of Jalapeno flavored Chee-tos!"
• "Hey, look! I can do a great impression of Saddam Hussein!"
• "Hey, people. Quieten down. It's time for SportsCenter."
• "Where am I headed? To the cockpit to fly this baby a little while."
• "Why are you Secret Service guys holding your Glocks on me?"
• "Tell me that we are not landing in Russia. I hate that deep-freeze of a nation."
• "If I promise to keep my mouth shut, will you let me fly this great plane for half hour?"
• "Hey, would you let me call my wife and grandkids and tell them we are flying over?"
• "Why does this say, "Do Not Push This Button?"

My trial starts in two weeks.