Taking Up For Lab Rats; Revealing Their Thoughts in Their Short Lives
The late Dr. Hunter S Thompson
This is one of many
" Not even I would
a story as this."
- Dr. Hunter S Thompson
(Writer’s note: The photos of laboratory rats used in his piece are the “acceptable” photos. Those I chose not to use were inhuman, insensitive, and cold-hearted abuse of rats. And I am not about abuse of any living thing. Kenneth).
This story is about rats. Not just any rat, but laboratory rats. I suppose we could assume “rats of a higher-level” of ratdom. The chosen ones. The rats who, if were allowed to, would all be Nobel Peace winners. The rats who give their little innocent lives for the humans dishing-out immeasurable-amounts of torture with electrodes, diodes, wires, chemicals, secret drugs, machines, and cheese laced with various bacteria to see if us humans will die from eating said bacteria.
Here’s a clue, lab techs: Yes, we humans will suck our last breath if the rat you fed this bacteria is found laying on its back four little feet up. Get a life, secret lab tech. There are things to do. Girls to date and respectable jobs to be had. It’s just too sad that Nazi scientists are a thing of forgotten antiquity.
No wonder you do not show-up at your high school reunions because who really wants to admit to “torturing innocent rats day after day,” to put food on your table? I’m still waiting.
"Art," studies a lab rat that he has tried to make into a robot
" . . . Someone say dinner time?"
Free information for your perusement
Enter "Art," lab technician, torturer of small animals
I cannot help it. Let’s all imagine lab tech, “Art,” at his high school reunion.
The scene: “Art,” the secret lab tech’s 35th high school reunion held in Waukegan, Illinois from the “Bim Bam Room,” located at the luxurious “Blue Oyster Arms” Motel, Bar and Grill.
“Art,” is “dressed to the nines,” in his $50-dollar sports shirt and slick slacks that his mom gave him on his last birthday. And those simulated leather loafers are to kill for. “Art,” is a “man about town,” at least for the rest of the night while his wife of 22 years, “Beatrice,” keeps a vigil for him back at their motel, “The American Colonial Starlite Inn.” No pets allowed.
At “Art’s” table there has been little talk because hardly anyone in “Art’s” class liked “Art,” for his always-over-zealous desire to inflict torture on horseflies that he would catch in Shop Class. Now it’s time for “Stand and Tell,” where each high school alum stands and tells what they have accomplished in their life.
“Art,” is ready. He has waited on this moment for years. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Time goes slowly. Then the reunion organizer calls on “Art,” who not only jumps, but almost jumps on the plastic table where he and his three friends, “Jim,” “B.C.,” and “Joey,” are sitting with the elite, successful doctors, lawyers, authors, HubPages writers, and NASA astronauts.
And there is is. “My name is, ‘Art,’ and I uhhh, (cough) run horrible, abusive tests on lab rats to discover a remedy for “Rump Rot,” a disease that is spreading like wildfire in most low-rent trailer parks in the south.”
“Ahhhh, I declare,” gasps the crowd as “Art,” has not yet realized that he is not a shining testimony for his high school, “Swanee Lake High,” who has now got their first disgrace: “Art.”
Silence is like a piece of coconut cake. Not sweet, but thick. No one approves of “Art’s” job. Even “Jim,” “B.C.,” and “Joey,” sneer at “Art,” and get up in an angry huff and leave him standing as alone as a lab tech can be. “Art,” for the first time in his six-years of torturing innocent rats, feels like an Medieval executioner complete with black mask.
The main question is: What will “Art’s” enduring wife, “Beatrice,” say upon hearing how her husband got the “cold shoulder,” by most of his classmates?
We may never know. “Beatrice,” was last seen with “The American Colonial Starlite Inn” second-shift maintenance man, “Roman Rodriguez,” in “Roman’s” ’56 Buick Road master sipping Old Crow, yelling like a banshee, kicking her legs out ot the window and heading for the Mexican border. Sadly, for “Art,” “Beatrice,” found in “Roman,” what she never found in “Art,” although she exhausted all efforts of finding any sign of life in him.
The victim: a defenseless lab rat
Sobering stats about rats
During 1998 17.2 million mice and 5.5 million rats were used at 1200 U.S. research institutions compared to a total of 1.2 million animals of other species. Mice and rats together constitute approximately 90% of the total animals used for all research purposes.
More than 100 million mice and rats are killed in U.S. laboratories every year. They are abused in everything from toxicology tests (in which they are slowly poisoned to death) to painful burn experiments to psychological experiments that induce terror, anxiety, depression, and helplessness.
They are deliberately electroshocked in pain studies, are mutilated in experimental surgeries, and have everything from cocaine to methamphetamine pumped into their bodies. They are given cancerous tumors and are injected with human cells in genetic-manipulation experiments.
PETA’s investigations inside the laboratories of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and the University of Utah revealed that mice and rats were given enormous tumors and painful, deadly illnesses. Rats had holes drilled into their skulls for invasive brain experiments. The Jackson Laboratory (JAX) deliberately breeds mice to be genetically predisposed to have debilitating ailments—including cancerous tumors, obesity, paralysis, a depressed immune system, and high levels of anxiety and depression. Each year, JAX sells millions of mice to laboratories around the world and experiments on an additional million mice in its own laboratories, force-feeding them large quantities of test chemicals; forcing them to swim in a pool of opaque water, in which they must find a hidden platform to avoid drowning; and placing them on hot plates, heated to 131 degrees F, to see how long it takes for them to respond to the scorching heat of the plate in pain-reflex tests.
Back to my main story:
I guess that giving a common rat a fancy name like “lab rat,” kinda makes it not as evil and cold-hearted, is this what your multi-billion-dollar corporation fed you? Were you that desperate to use that B.S. Degree you obtained from an ad in a comic book, or just that gullible to lap-up each lie told you by the first big drug testing company who gave you the time of day?
It’s not as if I am trying to be funny. I am dead-serious, pardon the easy pun. I despise the fact that “any” animal, rat or dog is used for any testing for any product, ladies make-up to cold medicine. I am not sorry either. Someone has got to have a say-so for helpless, defenseless lab rats and the such.
There isn’t much that the ASPCA has accomplished in this field. This crusading-group is way too stretched right now monitoring films where animals are used in the films—making absolutely-sure that a mule doesn’t stub its hoof when jumping over a drunken cowboy.
What did the lowly-lab rat do to deserve this Purgatory of torture? Steal too many bites of stale cheese? Leave too many droppings on the woman of the house’s best under garments?
“Ohhh, heavens to Betsy, rat pills all over my new bloomers,” screams matronly-“Katherine Dodge Hanover,” heiress to the men’s urinal deodorant cake fortune.
Who really knows? After all, God “did” make rats as He made all living things. (Read Genesis, chapters one through six).
My last gripe. Who made the life-altering, life-ending decision to use rats as test subjects? Why not cats? Dogs? I got it. Why wasn’t poisonous snakes used to test a chemical that will cause nose hair to stop growing in men’s nostrils?
I take back the part about dogs and cats. I do like and respect all living things, but I could have lived with a dangerous asp, capable of killing an innocent rat who was just trying to feed her few hundred kids, then crawling away to devour more innocent rats.
Now I ask “you,”: “What is the difference in the dangerous asp and the secret lab tech, “Art?” in my humble opinion.
You have made it
What you are reading is . . .
Two friends, one sad, one doomed
Lab rats "live," if you call it that, in these glass prisons
The little rat doesn't stand a chance
Read this part with your heart, not with your mind
To prove to the unbelievers in lab rats that they are unique, a needed cog in the “Eco-machinery,” and so darn cute, here is my proof that lab rats “do” think, and my piece is entitled,
“Taking Up For Lab Rats; Revealing Their Thoughts in Their Short Lives”
- Does this test tube make my tail look fat?
- I think “Art,” likes me.
- I can’t wait for “Cleaning Test Tubes Day,” so I can make a break for it.
- I wonder if I played sick would I get a softer cage?
- What’s with the bland, Styrofoam diet?
- What’s that you are sticking in my butt? Ohhh, I can hear Grateful Dead music so clear.
- Hmmm, who’s the new female? Wonder if she’s single?
- What dance? What secret hole behind the lab table?
- “Bud,” that is a poor excuse for a Bob Crane impression.
- Maybe I could run-off and be a model for PlayRat.
- Oh, no. More male rats put into my cage. Now the female rats will think I am gay.
- Hey, that’s Johnny Depp on television in “The Rum Diary.”
- I can curl my tail into looking like Cupid’s arrow.
- Do you think I have cute teeth?
- What’s that gross lump growing on my back?
- I may be a white lab rat, but I am not a racist.
- I wish I were a White House rat—what a feast those guys have.
(Writer’s note: I can’t help it. Thank you for reading this story. Oh, do not worry, pal. I won’t “rat you out,” for laughing. Kenneth).
Why is this lab tech smiling after he has spent the day inflicting pain on this poor rat?
Dr. Hunter S Thompson
" Now do you see
why I, even in my
wildest Gonzo journalism
days, never would have
touched a story like this."
Dr. Hunter S Thompson
discounting the many scientific steps that the Medical and Scientific Research Community has made--seeking cures for cancer, MS, and other "monsters," who are living among us?
No. Not at all.
All I was, and am still asking, "Is there not a better way to conduct medical and scientific research other than do the experiments on innocent animals?"
Read more: http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-experimentation/animals-laboratories/mice-rats-laboratories