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Ten Steps to Becoming a Successful Radical Liberal

Updated on January 28, 2019

What traits must you cultivate in order to progress through your journey?

Don’t get me wrong. This article is not intended as a road map to fame and fortune. Although, if you have, or are contemplating starting a YouTube channel, or have a dream of becoming a contributing guest on many of the major news outlets; that is not an unforeseen outcome if you follow these easy steps outlined in this article.

Everyone wants to believe themselves on the winning team. We all want to feel included. We all would prefer not to be bashed, intimidated, threatened or laughed at but I have to warn you; even if you successfully complete this course and find yourself a successful liberal such an accolade can be extremely ephemeral. Celebrated today, kicked in the gut tomorrow, is the new liberal way. So, don’t sue me if that is the outcome of your journey. You’ve been warned.

1. Developing the Correct Balance Between Gullibility and Reasoned Judgement

It is imperative to know when to leave your head in the sand and when to pull it out to make a rational observation. Many would be liberals have made the mistake of thinking too long and too hard, leading to removal from the ranks of liberals

Do not let this happen to you. I’ve included a few suggestions which, if followed, will smooth your journey.

  1. Scoff at any outlet which is not rubber stamped by the left. (Do not make the mistake of listening, or reading, anything from these unapproved sources) Just scoff.
  2. Do not follow politics. Leave the decision making to others and do exactly as the pundits on the approved news outlets do. This will make your life easier and increase the odds of success.
  3. Spend at least one hour a day in front of the mirror; practicing your look of moral outrage. Believability trumps sincerity. No one really cares what you think as long as you play your part.
  4. When (and if) you do come across an argument in favor of your chosen position, which chooses logic over emotion, memorize it, practice it and use it at every opportunity. Conservatives appreciate an anomalous encounter with a reasonable liberal.

2. Find and Expose Racism

This is one of the most important things a liberal must learn to identify. You have to find your inner racist eye because you have to find racism in every interaction you ever come across between anyone, anywhere, with one caveat. Ignore it as long as possible if it involves another liberal. I’m not saying you have to, forever. Just until you take your place among successful liberals. Those within those ranks have earned the privilege of eating their own so, chin up, keep the faith and the journey will prove worth all the work in the end.

At this juncture, you are probably feeling dejected. You see this as a Herculean task but trust me; with a few tips and tricks you should be able to get along famously with those who have already developed the traits.

  1. Do not look at the entirety of any interaction. Find that perfect moment to decry as racist. If you have trouble, look to the approved media outlets for guidance. They have the cameras and the editors needed to help you ignore reality. Follow the suggestions outlined in step one and you should do just fine. If that fails, look through Twitter and just copy and paste your favorite comment
  2. One thing that makes your task easier is that you do not have to think about anything like ethnicity, immigration history or religion when categorizing lighter skinned individuals. Lump them all as white supremacist racist. But, don’t be fooled. If the individual can claim any ancestry from anywhere outside of Europe and possibly Israel, you should be careful. That bit of advice could come back and bite you in the butt. So, you will have to take the time to get a miniscule amount of information on the individual prior to screaming racist white supremacist. Shouldn’t be too trying.
  3. Remember that no detail is too ridiculous or inane to use as a reason for screaming racist.
  4. Never, give the benefit of the doubt prior to screaming, either.

3. Commit to Liberal Approved Volunteer Work

Develop a victim mentality, or learn to apologize profusely. This, too, is one of the hallmarks of a successful liberal. It’s really your choice. Work with the one which best suits your personality. Now, you might think the two are polar opposites but they blend well together. The victim can never be appeased and the one apologizing calls out with demands for universal attempts at appeasement. You will tag team any event with emotionally charged accusations thus rendering any attempt at reasoned and dispassionate rebuttal grounds for accusing those you disagree with of lacking feeling with their cold (but true) facts. You can then, always, believe yourself the victor on moral grounds.

4. Practice Shouting

This is pretty straight forward and warrants no further comment, save one. Practice for longevity. You don’t want to give out midway through any attempt to suppress free speech. Sometimes, the opposition may prove tenacious and you don’t want to let laryngitis get in the way of your mission.

5. Choose Violence Over Civil Discourse

Avoid debate at all costs, unless you can guarantee that you have a large number of people nearby who have fully developed their victim mentality and you have chosen the role as apologizer. Also, of utmost importance, have those who have perfected number 4 on standby in case you feel your team is not fully monopolizing the dialogue.

As a work at home assignment, watch the video link below and come up with valid arguments against the arguments presented. This is going to be a tough one for you but this argument will be presented to you, the aspiring liberal, often and being prepared in those moments you find yourself in the position where you have to defend against such accusations is helpful.

Or, if you just want to be a run of the mill liberal, you can just come back with 'What about Trump?' and sidestep any uncomfortable discussion altogether.

6. Give Women Their Due

Demand equality for women, while simultaneously holding them accountable for nothing. This can be tricky minefield, if you are a man, an adult, or simply a pretty smart kid. I’m going to be honest. I have a hard time following new age feminist logic because 'their due' appears to be push men to the back of the bus so; you’re on your own. This is an important step I cannot help you with.

7. Know Who Deserves Fair and Equal Treatment

Ignore any attempt at fair and equal treatment if that would involve being fair and considering the feelings of anyone who isn’t liberal, LGBT, female or anyone other than what you think is possibly of predominately European ancestry. In the absence of any outside of the preferred groups; tread carefully. You are in shark infested waters. Best advice; keep your head down, keep quiet, wait for someone to make a wrong move and get lost in the mob when it inevitably attacks.

8. Hate Donald Trump With All Your Heart

This may seem like a no brainer but you must hate Donald Trump. You can’t simply dislike the man, personally. You have to loathe, hate, and despise him on a purely emotional level. You have to hate him so vehemently that democratic traditions, the rules of fair play, the Constitution, and even the rule of law takes a back seat to your desire to inflict pain and shame. You have to hate so deeply that, given the opportunity, you’d shove him into a wood chipper. Which brings us to number 9.

9. Let the Hate Flow Through You

Develop the same level of hatred for any who don’t follow that lead of hating Trump. It doesn’t matter if they are kids, adults or dogs whose owners had the poor taste to buy a MAGA hat that fit on that poor defenseless animal. And, learn that it is not genocide you dream of. It’s just wiping the world clean of any who had the audacity to think you might be going just a smidge overboard. You’ll need to hide your hatred for a little while longer. Call it satire when you accidentally share your extremist views. Those offended will just be ‘overly sensitive’ which they have no right to be. They don’t agree with you anyway.

10. Commit to the Important Cause of Liberalism

Accept that until the world is wiped clean of all who disagree with you fun is suspect. It’s bad. It’s wrong. Because every action, everywhere, by anyone who doesn’t follow the liberal agenda is just a bunch of evil, racist, cultural appropriating white supremacists. No matter whom they are. No matter what their background, their ethnicity, their cultural heritage.

That about sums it up but I feel it fair to warn you, before you embark on your journey. If successful you will join a group of people who have their own interests at heart. Not yours, not others, just their own. And when the left is done tearing apart and marginalizing the targeted groups, you may be among the next to fall. But, honestly, you are embarking on the journey through your own self interests. Where’s the harm?


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