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"Terrorist Etiquette": The Essential Guide

Updated on November 9, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

Writer's note: Not too many months ago, this article was written the next day in the mournful light of the ISIS cold-blooded murdering of innocent people in France and Belgium. Please note. This is not to make light of those awful and insane situations, but to poke fun at these so-called tough guys (ISIS) who just have to hide their faces. Why hide your face if you are so tough, "Mr. ISIS recruit?" In the south where I live, we call vermin like you "cowards." This is not a serious hub. So please do not be alarmed and start hiding under your bed or in your broom closet. In fact, the text in this hub is what I would love to say to ISIS, the thugs and cowards that they are. Please do not take your ire out on the HubPages staff or me for that matter. Thanks, Kenneth

 Firefighters look on Friday, Sept. 14, 2001, as President George W. Bush surveys the destruction left by terrorist attacks on New York City on 9-1-1.
Firefighters look on Friday, Sept. 14, 2001, as President George W. Bush surveys the destruction left by terrorist attacks on New York City on 9-1-1. | Source

A stern beginning

Stealing a line from a hit song from the turbulent 60's: "Don't Step On The Grass, Sam," recorded by John Kay and Steppenwolf, one of the noted rock groups of that era.

" . . .it's evil, wicked, mean and nasty," is the line that I am guilty of stealing, but not to talk about marijuana, but terrorism. I mean seriously can you find any other fitting adjectives to describe such a heartless act as terrorism? Please do not tell me that the only awful adjective you could think of was "awful." But "awful" is right, but it extends past the borders of 'awful' into the region of deplorable and the action of beings (not human) without souls.

Face it

We Americans might as well admit the truth that terrorists are almost everywhere. They can pop-up in sewers, off-Broadway diners, on city buses, and I do not want to exhaust you with a super-long list plus making you watch a two-hour video on how to spot a terrorist. I think that we Americans are smarter than people think.

Before I get too involved with my story, let me explain that there "is" a huge difference between Islamic Extremists and the religion, Islam. No, I do not condone our government preventing true Muslims from entering our country. If the Fed's pass something like this, then the rest of us might as well go back home to where our ancestors came from. After all, fair is fair.

Know the difference

Islamic Extremists are the ones who believe in taking lives, any lives that are not of their false belief that Allah, their god, will grant them life eternal with 70 virgins if they kill so many innocent people and it really doesn't matter what the background of the innocent victims may be. So we Americans should stop saying things like "Islam hates us," and other fiery dialogue.

For those of my cherished followers and HubPages staffers who have to travel abroad as part of their jobs or the business that they own, I beseech you to not buy your airline ticket for that trip before you read this hub . . .

President Bush greets first  responders and crowds who  came to help after te 911 terrorist  attack on The Twin Towers
President Bush greets first responders and crowds who came to help after te 911 terrorist attack on The Twin Towers | Source

Things Not to Say:

  • "You pretty good with that Russian-made AK-47? Me? I'm a sharp shooter with my 12-gauge."
  • "Care to take that turban off your face so we can talk like real men?"
  • "Is that a real gun?"
  • "Do you have a pretty wild social life?"
  • "Care to arm wrestle with the winner getting to run away?"
  • "Is that gun really loaded? I think you are a pure, down-right prankster."
  • "You look like a girl underneath that turban, so would you like to go out sometime?"
  • "Care to get that gun out of the pit of my stomach?"
  • "I'm eating fresh beef, do you mind not yapping in words that are so confusing?"
  • "You got a sister who's not seeing anyone?"

Things Not to Do:

  • Prance around like a Flower Child tossing flowers at the terrorist.
  • Go into your impression of Hulk Hogan with flexing your biceps in the terrorist' face.
  • Act like you are Dick Butkus going to blitz yet another quarterback.
  • Share your long list of funny faces with this terrorist by doing all 500 so he will laugh.
  • Sing like Tony Bennett in the terrorist' face. And wink ever so often as the music plays.
  • Pick the terrorist up in your arms and say, "You are going home to eat with me and I will not take no for an answer."
  • Do not say, "I am a Judo expert! Watch me wrestle your poor excuse for a gun away from you!"
  • Do not read (from your "How to Speak Islamic Extremist" Handbook), "Let's play cowboy and you can be my horse, "Jelly." So bend over while I get on your back!"
  • Throw your arms up and yell, "Hey, I bet you cannot hit the pumpkin on my head!"
  • Do your Doberman guard dog impression by barking at the terrorist and then bite his leg."

"Thank you for flying Non-Violence Airlines."

  • "Will that be 'Mouth Open or Mouth Shut'?

Bonus text:

  • "Do what? Put my hands up and kneel? NO. I won't kneel to you or any mortal!"
  • "You, ISIS members, are nothing but heartless punks who thrive on us fearing you. And at last report, God Jehovah is STILL GOD. And does NOT condone murder."
  • "Jesus, whom you do not know, ISIS hate monger, died for my sins and was resurrected on the third day and He is my savior, redeemer, and intercessory priest. Isaiah 54:17 states that "NO weapon formed for MY/OUR destruction will prosper."
  • "Have you thought about picking on a group of guys known as Hell's Angels? What about a smaller group: SEAL Team 6?"

"If you want to rumble on my property, come on. I am sure that with your "sophisticated" computer software, you can find me. I won't run from you." NOTE: ISIS, I am totally serious.
I promise. This hub is for all of the Innocent Souls you have murdered.

Can you hear that? Silence. Now the waiting begins.

Good night, Des Moines, Iowa.


Then President George W. Bush addressing New York Fire and Police Departments after the 9 1 1 bombing of The Twin Towers.

© 2016 Kenneth Avery


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Catherine:

      I agree. I am not about blanket labeling. I am against murder in any form as well as abuse.

      That is it in a nutshell.

      Thanks for your nice words.

      Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to you and yours.

      Stay in touch.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      :) Thanks for the nice comment. I appreciate you and your thinking. Laughing has helped me many times when I thought things were hopeless.

      Happy Thanks giving and Merry Christmas to you and yours and write me when you like.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 

      2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      As usual, you can take a subject, even a serious one like Islamic terrorism, and make us laugh. We should remember that in the United States not all terrorists are Muslim. In 2015. a white Christian terrorist shot 10 people in cold blood at a church in Charleston VA. He did it in the name of white supremacy. I

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 

      2 years ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      Seventy virgins? Why not seventy sluts? At least they'll know what they're doing...

    • DreamerMeg profile image


      2 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Laughing at terror is one way of dealing with it.


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