The Art of Being a Good Criminal
Are you a common criminal?
I was talking to a friend the other day and listening to him tell me everything that was wrong about our society. The breakdown of law and order, the signs of Armageddon, the utter absurdity of some of the ways we view things in society. Most of which, I can usually agree with to a certain extent. Armageddon, for me, is still out with the jury, but usually he makes a good argument on whatever he speaks about.
One thing that struck me during our conversation was his observation that we are all criminals. At first, I didn’t see where he was coming from. He went on to explain that there are so many laws on the books that you cannot live without being some type of criminal. After a moment’s thought, I totally agreed. You simply can’t live your entire life without breaking a law. So I decided to see how much of a criminal I really am and made a list as follows:
I get my smokes over the internet, which means I don‘t pay state taxes on them. I am now a revenuer. The ATF could hunt me down and arrest me. Of course, it also saves me about $3,600 a year.
I don’t currently have car insurance. Being on unemployment, I have had to make cuts. But, I own my 10 yr old SUV, so there is no loan requirement to have insurance. However, if I get stopped, I pay a large fine and am surpervised by the state to make sure I follow this law. Sorry State, I like having power more than I need car insurance.
I do not wear one. Now this drives some people bonkers. I believe that it is my right to kill myself while driving. Pure and simple, common sense tells me I should, but the State watching over my shoulder to see if I’ve been naughty or nice, just makes me contrary on this.
We’ve all done it – don’t even try to lie about it. I can agree wholeheartedly to speed limits in urban areas. But we need to be realistic about the speeds on our highways. Gas prices or not, 65 for cars, 55 for trucks in one state and then 70 or 75 for everyone in another state just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
5. Animal Shots and Registration
I have an indoor cat. She has never been and never will go outdoors. The county requires a yearly rabies shot and registration. WHY? She’s not around other animals. If she were a dog, going outside every day, I would and have faithfully done it. It should be my decision whether or not the animal is going to need it.
6. Burning Waste and Landfills.
Living in an itty bitty speck of nowhere, we still cannot burn anything other than yard waste. Oops, that wooden skateboard ramp that the kids broke? Up in smoke on a very dark night, since the garbage man decided the pieces were too big to take. That, along with the paint cans, that I hide one at a time in the middle of the trash can. Since the recycling center will not take certain types of paint or varnish or a host of other items we commonly use when maintaining our houses. Give me a better option and I’ll use it. Better yet, don’t sell it if I can’t dispose of the container afterwards.
7. Internet Service
I have three computers in my house. The cable company says I have to have a modem for each and pay full price for each computer. Nope, I have a router. I pay you guys to put it in my house. How I set it up from there is my business. Whether I have one or 10 computers doesn’t matter, there’s still only one cable coming into my house.
I have my dad’s gun that he brought back from WWII and the one my ex husband gave me that he bought off a guy still in the box. They’re locked in a fireproof lock box under my bed complete with trigger guards and I never have gotten ammo for either of them. But I don’t have a Firearms Owner ID card and I have not licensed the weapons. Under my constitutional right to bear arms - MYOB!
So, I’m a Criminal
The ATF, the IRS, the EPA, Animal Control and the Secretary of State could all arrest me. There could also be other departments after me, like Family Services. All because, I have spanked my children, slapped their hands, washed their mouths out with soap and made them go without supper on occasion. Homeland Security could be monitoring me right THIS VERY MINUTE. Since I am a veteran, I have been deemed possibly subversive. I could be picked up if I so much as Google a Muslim website.
How Many of Us are Really Criminals?
If you can answer YES to any of the following questions – YOU ARE A CRIMINAL!!!!
1. Ever copied or downloaded a song, video, or software that you did not pay for?
2. Ever used your neighbor’s WIFI to connect to the internet?
3. Ever gone over the speed limit?
4. Ever bought anything over the Internet and not had to pay tax on it?
5. Ever gone through a stop sign?
6. Ever taken any supplies home from work? A pen, pencil, some paperclips?
7. Ever used an emergency turn around on the highway because you forgot something or got on the wrong road?
8. Ever crossed against the light when it said don’t walk?
9. Ever not been charged for something at the store and not reported it?
10. Ever stopped alongside of a deserted road because you drank too much coffee and there’s no public restroom within 20 miles?
Any one of these things can get you arrested, sued, hauled into court, fines and possibly jail time.
Criminality is Contagious
Sadly, today I realized that such lawlessness is spreading. I found out my neighbors bought chickens. (Remember this is a small town, in the middle of farming country.) Our village ordinance only allows common household pets and 1 pygmy goat. (the goat is another whole hub). No farm animals- no pot bellied pigs or other exotics allowed.
I really thought about reminding them of that ordinance but I didn’t want to see all their efforts at building a coop and the obvious delight they were taking in doing this project to be ruined. Besides, we criminals have to stick together. If anyone wants to complain about the chickens – we can always have a chicken dinner and dispose of the evidence. Take that Coppers!!!!