The BBB Awards
Let the Show Begin...
Good Morning Breakfastpoppers. Today is Monday, March 10, 2014. Buzzy, the Proverbial Fly on the Wall, is hosting the BBB Awards this morning. Please join us at the theater. There will be delicious Bloody Marys for breakfast and a presentation that may bring tears to your eyes. See you at the theater.
Welcome, one and all to the BBB Awards. Let's begin the show by awarding our first BBB to the Cleveland Middle School in New Mexico. A student was arrested for audibly burping in class. The teacher called the school resource office, who in turn, called the police. He was charged with "interfering with public education." I would suggest that it is the school authorities and the police who should be charged with interfering with public education.
Imaginary Bow and Arrow
Our second presentation is awarded to the South Eastern Middle School in Fawn Grove, Pennsylvania for suspending a ten year old boy for firing an imaginary bow and arrow at another student. He was accused of breaking the school's regulations on using weapons. I would like to remind the school officials that the bow and arrow wasn't visible because it didn't exist. I don't understand this latest craze that makes non-existent weapons dangerous. Perhaps school officials need a psych evaluation.
Baby, It's Dry and Hot Outside
Let's switch gears now and turn to the always fascinating subject of climate change. Our next award is presented to President Obama for announcing that California's drought problem is the result of global warming. Even the global warming enthusiasts don't agree with his presidential analysis. Mr. President, even a mere fly such as myself, knows that droughts are droughts. They are cyclical in nature and have been around long before Al, the Climate Man, Gore was born.
Moving along in the same vein let's present our next BBB to CBS for telling its viewers that climate change means the end of snow and that winter sports could be doomed. Need we say more on the subject. The statement speaks volumes about the integrity and intelligence of the networks these days.
Our time together is growing short, so let's move things along in rapid fire succession. The navigators of Obamacare have earned this next BBB. When Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky) tried to enroll his family in the program things went okay until he discovered that his son ended up being enrolled in Medicaid! Even better, the Senator couldn't straighten things out because the geniuses who are running the show said they weren't sure if his son even existed. Let's not be surprised when Kentucky wins the prize for having the most people enrolled in Medicaid than any other state in the Union.
Switching gears, let's present this next BBB to the Nobel Prize Committee for putting Russian President Vladimir Putin's name on the list of possible winners of the Peace Prize. Need I elaborate?
Our next BBB is a group presentation going to millionaires in the mainstream media who are beating the drum for a solution to income inequality. This humble fly thinks that Matt Lauer, Diane Sawyer, Brian Williams, George Stephanopoulos, Bob Schieffer and Tom Brokow should spread their incredible wealth around to bring about their dream of income equality. Put your money where your collective mouths are!
Although the explanation of our next BBB may sound like a tongue twister, I can assure you it is the real deal. The Army's top sexual assault prosecutor is accused of sexual assault. If you can say this ten times in a row you win a prize! Lt. Col. Joseph Morse has been suspended from his position as the chief of the Army's Trial Counsel Assistance Program pending an investigation into sexual assault charges.
Let's end this morning's festivities on a lighter note. A Mexican man who came to the United States illegally as a youngster is suing a state agency for discrimination because it refuses to hire him for using a fake Social Security number for nearly a decade. Now here comes the twist in the case. Somehow this man, Victor Guerrero, managed to become an American citizen in 2007. He applied for a job as a prison guard and was turned down because he continued to use a fake Social Security card. In his lawsuit he is seeking the right to work because the policy excluding criminals from being hired violates employment laws and hurts Latino job applicants! I never had a headache in my life, but I have one now!
The BBB Award
Fly me to the moon
And let me lie where I am free
Things are so strange now
The moon is a better place to be!