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The Fiscal Cliff is Crucial if We are to End Socialism

Updated on December 6, 2012
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Announcer: From the Dominion World Studios in Mesa, Arizona, it’s the Dominion News Hour featuring Tex Shelters.

Tex Shelters: Tex Shelters here. Today we are going to address the end of the world, the fiscal cliff.

We have a special guest in the studio today, R.U. Lemming, from the fiscal cliff organization, “Over the Cliff with God.”

Tex: Let’s get right to the point. Mr. Lemming, Could you help the audience understand why the fiscal cliff is so important.

R.U. Lemming: Thank you Mr. Shelters. Republicans spent hours struggling in monologue with President Obama last year to set up the fiscal cliff as a way to keep billionaire tax cuts. Now, Obama and some Democrats want to renege on the deal and won’t jump over the cliff we made for them.

Shelters: And you say that the cliff is the best thing for America.

R.U. Lemming: Yes, we believe its best for all Americans to jump off the cliff, a cliff I am proud to say I helped build by taking many government military and prison contracts, and take a hit to their welfare and Social Security. We need to use fiscal cliff we fabricated to end socialism as we see it.

Shelters: Is there a way that we can avoid the cliff?

R.U. Lemming: If the President would honestly discuss letting the Koch and Walton families keep their low tax rates, and keep our capital gains and dividend taxes low, then we will only cut a little into entitlements.

Shelters: Even though Obama won the elections, he thinks he should have a seat at the bargaining table as Republicans decide how to increase billionaire wealth. Won’t he work with the beleaguered job creators?

R.U. Lemming: No, he won’t Tex. He apparently wants to have a say in these negotiations, like some sort of Hitler or dictator. Hitler was elected just like Obama, and we know how that turned out.

Tex: Yes we do. What would you say to Representative Ron Paul who called the fiscal cliff, “…“another congressionally-manufactured crisis which will likely end in yet another 11th hour compromise...”

R.U. Lemming: He’s right. House Republicans designed the fiscal cliff in a manner to extract more money for our billionaire friends from Social Security. Americans must to get their filthy mouths off the teat of government spending so the job creators, i.e. the ruling class, can have the government teat to suckle on without middle class interference.

Tex: So what you’re saying is that billionaires are the best teat suckers and that government should be for them since they are most often called job creators.

R.U. Lemming: Yes. We have been digging this cliff edge for years with wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, increased war investment, billionaire tax cuts, and other unsound spending and we have earned the right to cut programs for the poor and middle classes.

Tex: Paul Krugman, and actual humans with brains, says that it’s not a time to consider debt. What do you say to that?

R.U. Lemming: If not now, when? We have been working since Social Security was passed to reign in spending on this program and force people to invest in our risky derivatives schemes. With Tea Party support and an ever increasingly ignorant populous, we feel the time is right to raid the Social Security trust and make cash for the people so often called job creators.

Tex: Before you go, can you make a case for the importance of the fiscal cliff?

R.U. Lemming: Americans, you live the best country in the history of the universe. You have it good. It is now your patriotic duty to resist tax hikes and instead pledge to work more years to hold off becoming a burden on this nation. Raise the retirement age for Social Security, for the good of the nation, and protect the wealth of all the billionaires and CEOs who are so loyal to this nation that they don’t burden our banks with their cash and instead put their money offshore. Billionaires love our nation, and we must not hate them by making them pay for the services our government bestows upon them. It is better to close all the schools in the nation than to force one billionaire to pay a higher marginal tax rate.

Tex: Thank you Mr. R.U. Lemming of “Over the Cliff with God.” Up next, we have Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to discuss their desire to have billionaires suckle on their teats.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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