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The Great British Class Calculator

Updated on July 22, 2013
The Great British Class Calculator
The Great British Class Calculator | Source

Good old England, don't you just love us? The ugly Class system has raised its snooty head once again. Back in the old days we had three classes.

High class, middle class and lower class. Then the powers that be have decided in their so called wisdom that actually there are seven different classes of people in this country.

Well I don't know about you but I think its cra... er' no, better not say That word, or else I will be put in the lower class. So I will say it in a polite way. Tommy rot I say, tommy rot!

This new Class System idea has to have come about because people who are 'high up' the ladder have nothing better to do . How do you decide what class you are for goodness sake?

Take a look and tell me what you think. And no bad language if you please, remember your Class Status!

Vicky Pollard TV Comedy - This Is How The Government See The Lower Class

Vicky Pollard
Vicky Pollard | Source

Lets Start With The Lowlife 'er Lower Class First!


Roman Empire Definition - Precariat is another word for Proletariat.

Means - Lower social class - No wealth other than their children. In other words they had less than the worth of 11,000 asses!

So it seems that if you don't keep thousands of donkeys in your house then you are one of these lower class of people. Sorry guys, my house only fits three people, so in a sense that must be me. Mind you I have had three cats, four dogs, 2 rats and an ensemble of mice in my time, will that do?!

These days it means that, well, you are pretty much scum class. You mix with other 'chavs' rent your house and do nothing all day apart from texting, drinking, smoking and gossiping about the neighbors!

Jobs include cleaner, van driver and wait for it, care worker!! How dare they? Do they know how hard care workers work? What an insult!

They also do not have a social life. Well you wouldn't if you were a care worker! Duh!

No cultural interests. How the hell do they know? Maybe on the one day out a year they get to the theatre. How about that?

They live in industrial areas. What they heck does that mean? They live in a factory?!

Dear oh dear oh dear..........!

Who came up with this rubbish? Oh yeah the so called hard working government! Um!

'The Emerging Culture' Better Than Care Workers!

The Emerging Culture Class -Not!
The Emerging Culture Class -Not! | Source

Next Up The Toffs Ladder Is -

Emergent Service Workers - This is the youngest of the class group.

Evidently these are higher than care workers because they are the ones who are in charge of the 'Emerging Culture'. In other words they go to Gigs, use Twitter, and play football. Oh so that's why they are higher than care workers then!!

Oh I see, they live in an Urban Group, and an 'Inexpensive Area'. So whats the difference between renting and an inexpensive area for goodness sake? Lower class rent, and the youngsters live in an inexpensive area! What a load of croc.....!

They socialise with a broad range of people. Well I never! Young people go out a lot and meet other people? Who would have guessed!

Jobs include - Chefs, nursing auxiliaries, and production assistants. There's that nursing thing again! Whats the damn difference?

I cannot believe this rubbish! Kids who have just come out of school and started training, are higher than someone who has cared for a relative or in a home for 30 years? What the...?

Next - The Traditional Working Class

These working class people own their own home. Well, that cuts it down a bit! Not!

Loads of people own their own home. Including the Queen and the Government. Oh yes, they both get it for free, forgot that!

They mix with people like themselves. No way, really? Duh!

They don't enjoy emerging culture i.e. rap, screaming kids trying to sing, and Cliff Richard. Oh sorry, probably do love our old Cliffy baby.

How many people of middle age do you see in all classes going to listen to 50 Cents?

So your telling me that David Cameron an upper class whatsit goes to see Rap? Yeah, like to see that!

This group has the oldest average age. What does that mean? Somebody, anybody...?

Jobs include lorry driver, cleaner (again?) and electricians. That cleaner gets everywhere!

Did Mummy Buy You The Car?

One Step Up - New Affluent Workers

This Class is sociable. ('sigh' not again!) Have loads of cultural interest. Oh yeah? Do they know the difference between a Picasso and a Monet? Eh, well? Come on answer me damn you....!

They are also in the middle terms of wealth. In other words mummy and daddy have subsidised them since they were in diapers, lent them their car and give them copious amounts of pocket money to get started.

Lets face it, how many young people do you know that starts out with nothing, and gets this well of so quickly? Exactly. Nobody.

Here we go again, they go to Gigs, use Twitter, blah blah blah.......!

They do not tend to participate in 'High Brow' Culture such as Classical music and Theatre!

Oh so let me get this right. When these New Affluent Workers don't go to the Theatre they are regarded as sensible young things.

When a working class or lower class person doesn't go its because they are thick as peas!

I will say it again....Oh for goodness sake!

They come from a working class background......What the...? So they are working class then? No? Why the hell not?

Many people in this group come from, wait for it..........the old manufacturing centres of the UK, such as The Midlands and the North West!

Manufacturing? So its those factories again, right? I said RIGHT??

My head hurts now..........

Science -

One Step Higher.....Technical Middle Class

A small, distinctive and prosperous group. Um!

This group tend to mix with others similar to themselves. Don't we all?

They prefer the 'emerging culture' such as using social networks compared to classical music. Heard this before! So using Twitter and so on is fine in this group. On the other hand low class families using social network are just stupid!

These people work in Science, Research and Technical jobs.

Here's a good one, they tend to live in suburban locations such as the South of England. Me too, me too......! So that makes me an upper class twit then? Don't answer that, I said......!

They come from Middle Class backgrounds! You don't say.......!


Up We Go....Established Middle Class

This is the second wealthiest of all the groups.

People in this group enjoy lots of cultural me time. So do the so called lower classes mate!!

Many work in management or traditional professional jobs. What does that mean?! Traditional? Shop jobs are traditional, so is clog making if you live in the Netherlands, growing garlic if you live in France, and making very long sausages if you live in Germany! What the hell?

If you mean Britain then that could be anything thing from tossing the caber, (Scotland) to sheep farming (Wales).

In England its probably either office jobs or how to pull a pint! I think I need one now.....!

Most come from middle class backgrounds...Oh dear here we go again...!

They live outside urban areas. Well that's as clear as mud. Where do they live then? Apart from in the country, does this mean on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic?

Or maybe in an old Celtic fort in the Isle of Skye, Scotland! I know, how stupid of me....they are talking about 'Those People'. You know the ones' I mean.

You can see them every Sunday sticking a pole into the hard ground at the top of the nearest mountain. They live in the caves nearby. Oh puleeese!

And A Spiffing Good Time Was Had By All! Eton Public Schooboys Having Fun! These Are Our Future Government Leaders! Oh Dear! Eton Public Schooboys Having Fun! These Are Our Future Government Leaders! Oh Dear!  Eton College Eton College

Here We Go The Elite of the Elite.

The Elite.

These' are the UK's biggest earners. They have great big scores for social cultural and economic factors. There's that mud again, clear as......!

Many went to private schools!! And there it is folks, the answer to the absolute snobbery and stuck up twits who think they are the best!

Mummy and Daddy paid for them to go to private schools! They never had to work hard, they knew all the right people and then they crept into the top jobs with probably a lower IQ score than anybody else in the country. But they have one thing we commoners don't.


They mainly live in London. Well they would woudn't they? That's where mother pushed them into politics!

This group is exclusive and very hard to join. Tell me about it! In plain English, they are the upper class snobs who stick to their own because they have influence with the other upper class snobs. They invite them for caviar and champagne parties, throw their daughters at them to inter marry and if that wasn't enough, live of all the tax payers who actually work!

97 percent of these own their own home. Yeah sure. Like the government you mean? The homes that we tax payers fork out for? Of course you stick to your own. Your hands are in others peoples pockets helping themselves to everything.

My View

I have tried this so called Great British Class Test and I have found that everytime I do it I end up in the two bottom rungs of the ladder.

Then I realised why. It is because I rent a house. The second you say rented, it shoves you straight to the bottom. Doesn't matter that back in the day the council houses were for hard working people. Ex service men and women and a lack of private housing. The government think that all people who rent are the scumbags of society.

Even though they have been given everything on a plate, they believe they are better than you and me.

Well let me tell you something 'Elite'. I am better than you. I had to start on the bottom rung and work my way up. It was hard graft. You on the other hand are lazy, big headed and snobs. You look down on us. And the funny thing is they just can't see the fact that they are worse than any of the so called lower class.


Because they got everything for nothing. We worked and still do. Take away your money and power and you are nothing. Remember that.

So what do you think of the so called Class Society? Yep, thought so.

If you want to take the test yourself just key in BBC News - The Great British Class Calculator. And see what you think.

Classic Comedy Sketch - The Two Ronnies (1 Min)

So What Do You Think? Do You Agree With The New Class System?

See results

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