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The Lies We Believe

Updated on January 24, 2012

The Lies We Believe

Have you ever been talking to a spouse, friend, or lover, and you know that you’re being lied to? There have been times when I have caught children as young as three years old lying to me! Do you remember the first time you lied? I can assure you that it was probably right around the age of two or three. You were being very quiet, doing something that you know you weren't supposed to be doing. One of your parents asked “what you were doing?” and you said "nothing"! You were too young at the moment to know you were lying, you just knew that it felt like the right thing to at the time!

Studies show that 95 percent of all children lie, and they start doing it around the age of two years old! Believe it or not the children of high intelligence had a tendency to lie more often. Where did we learn this horrible trait? How does a child learn to lie at such a young age?

Everyone lies to some degree or another. The average person lies between 3-12 times a day. That accounts for a lot of tall tales, or a hell of a good fish story! Not everyone lies. Ops I'm sorry that's a lie. Actually, everyone lies. No one tells the truth all the time it’s virtually impossible to do so.

Women will lie about their age, weight and plastic surgeries. Woman also have a tendency to lie about how much they care about the men in their lives and how they are treated by them. Men will exaggerate or lie about their income, job titles, the size of fish or game they caught, and the actual size of their penis.

I think it's safe to assume that the average person is not concerned with the daily white lies or the exaggerations that most tell. It's those gut wrenching lies that have a tendency to disrupt our world that we are most concerned about. Everyone has a sixth sense, whether you want to use it or not is a personal choice. You can sense when someone is going to break up with you. You know when someone likes or dislikes you, and you know damn well when someone is lying!

When it comes to detecting deceivers, the biggest liars to watch out for is ourselves. Most often than not we don’t want to know when somebody is lying to us, so we lie to ourselves. We are programmed to believe compliments and avoid painful truths. This tends to make a liar’s task that much easier. "You can't handle the truth! Was the famous line which Jack Nicholson shouted in the 1992 movie "A Few Good Men". I tend to believe this line about a lot of people.

I have always been a realist. I don't see the glass as half empty or half full. I see the glass as needing to be washed. I am one of those, born lucky enough to naturally read other people very well. I can normally tell if someone is lying 80% of the time. I can also tell just by glancing at others conversation if someone is getting ready to be lied to. I can honestly say that 99.% of the time I just ignore the fact that I'm being lied to because it's not worth confronting someone about something that is not affecting me in any way. It's the 1 % which most concerns me.

It is impossible to catch a liar every time, but there are numerous methods which I have found that can increase your chances of catching a liar. Unfortunately humans aren’t very good at detecting lies because our natural tendency is to trust others. This means that you are going to have to start paying closer attention to body language and learn to really listen well. Sometimes in business, and in romance, it's important to know when you’re being lied to. In order to catch a liar you must learn the universal signs of a liar.

Experts agree that there are consistent signs to a lie. Face to face is the easiest way to detect a lie, and lies told on the printed age or on a TV screen are the hardest. It has been scientifically proven that a person, who is getting ready to tell a lie, will use three different parts of their brain. A person speaking the truth only needs to utilize one.

Professionals will, look and listen for signs of nervousness, which is pretty common. But what if you’re dealing with cool hand Luke? You must then pay close attention to the content of a suspect’s story. Wait a few days and ask them about the details of the story again. Is it the exact same story or have things changed a bit? There are times however when you’re going to be dealing with someone who is a master at lying, and also has a great memory! Remember that, they not only have to remember the original lie but they have to create additional lies to reinforce their first lie.

Have you ever noticed that when someone lies they can't seem to make eye contact with you? Years ago I had a friend in the check cashing business. He always said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. When someone would come in to cash a check and refused to make eye contact he would instantly call it in to see if the check was good. Every time there was no eye contact, the check bounced or was stolen. The eyes are a huge dead giveaway when lying. Every time you look in a certain direction, there is a reason; it's not just a coincidence. Your subconscious mind is responsible for this. If you were to ask someone a question (which was not based on a yes or no answer) and they glance to the right (your left) they are making things up or lying. When someone looks to their left (your right) they are recalling real memories, and are telling the truth.

If the eyes don't give the person away their speech sometimes will do it for them. I have noticed that it's very hard to lie with plural and/or singular words because the subconscious can't seem to distinguish between them. Let’s say that your hubby got a traffic ticket on the way back from lunch, and he had secret company in the car which you were unaware of. When you ask him about it, he is very likely to say something like "we never meant to run that red light" instead of "I" never meant to run the red light. It happens so quickly that the brain does not have a chance to pick it up.Some will call it a Freudian slip; I call it an outright lie.

Next thing to look for is the reaction to the lie. Try to think back to the last time you were falsely accused of lying. How did you react? When I am falsely accused of lying I have a tendency to get mad from being falsely accused. This is because I am trying to defend my pride or honor. A liar could care less about their honor or pride. They are focused exclusively on attempting to convince you that they are not lying. When trying to spot lies, always look for questions answered by question. A great example of this would be when you ask your significant other if they would ever cheat on you. A truthful answer would be "No never, I'm not that kind of person!” If their answer is "would I do that to you? Walk away from the relationship as quick as possible because you’re in for a ton of lies.

Every truthful, honest person that I have ever met has no problems being asked a question and having pauses after they have answered. A guilty person however is not comfortable with awkward silences and pauses. This will tend to make them talk more, or faster than usual. Watch out for the fast talkers. They talk fast because they want the lie to be over with! Also watch for persons trying to be funny while you’re trying to ask serious questions. Some liars will attempt to use humor or sarcasm to avoid the subject, allowing them to not have to give you a truthful answer.

Body Language is also a huge aspect to consider when trying to spot a liar. Just like a dog lets you know that they need to go outside with their body language, a liar will let you know that they are lying with theirs. Pay close attention to the person's physical movements. Most liars try to hide behind there lies by having their hands touch their face, ear, or nose, but under no circumstances will they touch their chest with an open hand in gesture that they are being truthfully with the intentions of their heart.

Other simple body movements to look out for is Licking lips, shaking their heads no, placing objects between you and themselves such as coffee cups, papers, chairs, etc. and faking emotions like holding onto a smile too long. Some muscles in your face and throat are not under conscious control. The liars face can display expression, they can have their voice crack, and they will be completely be oblivious to what is going on right under their nose.

Everyone has that “gut feeling” when someone is lying, and that's because they are! Believe your intuition when it is telling you something. In my personal experiences with liars I have found that confrontation never turns out well. They will deny it, get mad, or dance and skirt around the issue. Very seldom will you ever get a liar to admit that they are lying. Fessing up to the truth is simply too hard a blow for the ego to endure.

The best way to deal with a liar is to make a mental note about the lies, and then be ready to handle and face the truth when the time comes. When you’re done dealing with the situation, simply remove yourself from it, and the person doing the lying. In the end there really is no need for confrontation, discussing it with friends, Psychic Readings or thousand word articles. Deep down inside you already know the truth. The only trick now, is how to stop lying to yourself.


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    • blogallaboutit profile image

      blogallaboutit 6 years ago

      Wow I wish I could see the look on that guys face when you tell him lol

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Interesting and spot on; I have witnessed all the same signs of lying and in my younger days was guilty of it as well. Now the truth works and surrounding myself with truthful people. For me to lie is to go back to what I once was and I can't and won't do that.

    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 6 years ago from New Mexico

      Thanks for the comments, they are always appreciated! I wrote this hub because my car was side swiped at work a week ago. when my boss checked the cameras, the culprit was one of my co-workers! I asked my boss not to say anything. This co-worker has came over to console me,has continued to lie, and asks me daily if I have found out who it was. I figure that I will give him a few more days before I confront him with the video

    • profile image

      SanXuary 6 years ago

      I go days without lying but I know people who lie every time they speak. They are so prolific that they change the truth on you and even convince others to go along with it. We are definitely a nation of liars and deniers and we are paying trillions of dollars to keep lying.

    • blogallaboutit profile image

      blogallaboutit 6 years ago

      So very true, it sounds like you been lied to more than once.I knew he was lying lol.

    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 6 years ago from New Mexico

      Thanks you!

    • profile image

      Gusser 6 years ago

      Great advise