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Wellview Resident Strongly Suspects His Neighbor Is A Socialist

Updated on August 12, 2015

Neighborhood Watch

Katie Palfenier

I saw a flutter of curtains and eyes peering out at me before Randy opened the door. He asked that we keep his real name out of the article and suggested we use his dog's instead.

You see, Randy (the person, not the dog) had called us with stressing suspicions that have become all too common in our social landscape. He believed that his next door neighbor might very well be a socialist.

“The neighbor on the corner moved in a few months ago”, said Randy taking a sip from his morning coffee and peering out the window. “Right off the bat I knew something was wrong. He had a lot of people over within the first week and they all brought him things like blenders and hedge trimmers. At first I thought perhaps he was some sort of con artist, but it turned out to be much worse.”

Randy, who is an assistant manager at a local home improvement store, said that the signs became more apparent as time went on. “What really put me on high alert was when his wife came over and asked if she could borrow a cup of sugar. I quickly gave her directions to the nearest food pantry, but I'll admit the entire encounter left me a bit flustered.” When asked if he thought his neighbor's wife might also be a socialist, Randy replied, “I don't know, maybe.”

“You see, socialists like these might very well put a guy like me out of business.” Randy continued. “I mean, last week he lent Mrs. Peters his lawnmower. If people are just going to give him things, and he is just going to loan them out, how is a businessman like myself supposed to compete?”

Randy assured us that until he had more information, he was going to keep vigilant watch. When asked what he planned to do, a downtrodden Randy replied, “I don't know. I called you right?”

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