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The Plutocratic Oath
We, the corporate leaders and billionaires of America, demand that each Congressional representative, governor and state legislator confirm this oath. We also realize that many of you, Republicans and Democrats, have already signed onto this oath and thus have been doing the work of the Lord by cutting aid to the poor, especially the children. The United Corporations of Earth thank you.
You are charged with carrying the torch of democracy for our corporations and prohibited from enabling the poor in their laziness. Attention must be paid by representatives to his masters on Wall Street and the Forbes 500. The laws of this great nation have been written so that those that do not affirm this oath will lose the power and money they so desperately crave as politicians. You can easily be replaced like an old wife or a lame horse. Thus, we gently ask all politicians in the United States to affirm the Plutocratic Oath.
I do solemnly affirm:
I swear by Senators Thurman and McCarthy and Presidents Harding and Reagan, while summoning God, that I, with all my strength, will bring this oath to my mansions and million dollar corporate consultancy jobs.
I will honor our teachers: Ayn Rand, Milton Friedman, F.A. Hayek and Alan Greenspan as I honor our off-shore accounts and give them consideration first, last and always, when I make decisions about the economy of this nation, for this is my Plutocratic Oath.
Also, according to our abilities and judgement, I will prescribe a strict austerity diet on the sick nation and utterly reject any diminution and adjustment in the billions of dollars that our incorporated leaders rightfully possess. Neither will I give any poor person assistance, even when I am asked, when they are starving and without grain, even when they have put the grain in the nations treasuries in previous years.
Just so, I will, out of purity and holiness, guard life and never allow a women to abort, whether a still-born child or out of fear of death, or from the trauma of rape or incest. For it is the life of the child that is sacred, not the woman. I will use issues such as abortion, guns and race to distract the poor from our primary purpose, serving the rich.
I will entirely refrain from giving assistance to those suffering from hunger, lack of shelter or ailments of the body and leave their pestilence to be sorted out between those so afflicted and God.
I will avoid the crime of pity, working firmly in spirit to avoid creating dependency in those afflicted with sufferings of the mind and body. And whenever I hear the plaintive cries of hungry children, I will pass over in silence, considering such things as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to be reserved for those that earn it.
I will scrupulously fulfill my duty to my class and I will find renown, and reelection, among my people.
Thus, I affirm my Plutocratic Oath to the United Corporations of Earth.