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The Political and Social Dangers of Long Hair

Updated on July 6, 2012

A “viewer of television” and a fan of the Sacramento Rivercats has trouble with long hair, specifically that of player “Manny Rodriguez” (his name is actually “Ramirez”, but the caller mixed it up).

Caller: He (Ramirez) has these “long, long dread locks…It flies in the faces of first, second and third base…it could hurt their eyes.” So when he slides, his dread locks become a weapons of eye gouging. She continues, “When they have dread locks, they don’t wash that hair for two weeks…I think there should be rules.” Well, Bob Marley had dreads, and he was into dangerous things like love and peace. But that clean-cut Jimmy Cliff certainly never used drugs. He has short hair!

Caller: They should have short hair… “and maybe they won’t get on these performance enhancing drugs…” Yes, it’s only those long-haired bicyclists that use steroids.

Caller: Long hair leads to drug use… “it looks horrible, it doesn’t look wholesome…and then maybe they won’t do drugs…” if they had short hair. “They’re all getting on steroids” like Lance Armstrong…the long haired biker… “This unwholesomeness is crossing America…”

So far the caller is making sense, relative to what comes next.

Caller: “And then…people start okaying abortion and gay marriage…” “stuff that is NOT according to the bible…” “Abortion and gay marriage is against the bible.” “since that (long hair) has been allowed, then they’re doing this drugs…” “It’s a lazy thing having this long hair.”

It’s questionable whether the Bible is truly anti-abortion or anti-gay marriage, and both sides of the issues have been in an epic battle for years over the interpretation of a book that at best is historical fiction. However, there is little debate over the fact that Jesus had long hair. The caller has made Jesus cry by calling him a drug-taking abortionist!

Long hair versus short Hair

She Made Long-Haired Jesus Cry
She Made Long-Haired Jesus Cry | Source
Long-locked friend of Jesus, Larry Fitzgerald, might poke a safety's eyes out.
Long-locked friend of Jesus, Larry Fitzgerald, might poke a safety's eyes out. | Source
Bob Marley dangerously promoted Love and Piece
Bob Marley dangerously promoted Love and Piece | Source
Clean Cut Jimmy Cliff never smoked Ganja
Clean Cut Jimmy Cliff never smoked Ganja | Source
Hippie freakin' drug user Franklin ruined America with ideas about thrift and hard work
Hippie freakin' drug user Franklin ruined America with ideas about thrift and hard work | Source
Clean Cut Breivik killed 77 people who dared camp, and camping leads to sin
Clean Cut Breivik killed 77 people who dared camp, and camping leads to sin | Source
Long-haired Einstein Dangerously thought of things in relative terms
Long-haired Einstein Dangerously thought of things in relative terms | Source
McVeigh is a clean cut young Christian who killed 168 people for his God
McVeigh is a clean cut young Christian who killed 168 people for his God | Source
Nope, long-haired men aren't attractive at all.
Nope, long-haired men aren't attractive at all. | Source

The woman on the answering machine warns us about the dangers of long hair. When Manny Ramirez slides, she cautions us, his hair could hurt their eyes. That must have been what happened to John McCain in the 2008 presidential campaign; Sarah Palin’s hair hit him in the face and hurt his eyes.

Samson lost his power when his long hair was cut, so maybe the woman has a point. Delilah did the world a favor by cutting his hair, thus disarming him.

The woman on the phone is right dear folks. Long hair is dangerous. However, it’s not as dangerous and people like her.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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    • Bob Zermop profile image

      Bob Zermop 4 years ago from California, USA

      Hahaha, I laughed so much at this! Definitely voted up and funny.

    • profile image

      Ginger Ruffles 4 years ago

      LOL, haven't heard a long hair rant in years. Could have sworn those folks died off...

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Tex....you did not disappoint here!......Listening to that call, I just know I would have kept getting closer to the TV....to concentrate on what was ACTUALLY being said, as opposed to what I thought I was hearing, but could NOT possibly have heard correctly.....because someone that stupid wouldn't have the IQ to place a phone call.

      But, here we have it........just when I'd convinced myself there are no true space aliens among us.............Up and FUNNY.

      Very last sentence.....perfect!

    • Joseph G Caldwell profile image

      Joseph G Caldwell 4 years ago from southwest Pennsylvania

      Long hair is apparently the gateway drug to other drugs of the chemical variety and the slippery slope to moral turpitude, gay marriage, support of marriage, etc.

    • Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

      Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

      Down with the hippies!!!!!!!! The 60's are over, therefore long hair is conservative, and we must live in the short cross hairs of the present.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Wesman!!!! Don't be a damned red neck.....and don't wake me up again. The 60's are NOT over. What the BLEEP does long hair have to do with "conservative?" You know, there are short hairs at the nape of our neck.....they're fun to PULL!! I love you in spite of yourself.

    • profile image

      LikaMarie 4 years ago

      This is what you get with long hair. Swedish Rednex.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gFyKFEsCeo

    • texshelters profile image
      Author

      texshelters 4 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

      Okay, you convinced me LikaMarie...

      PTxS

    • texshelters profile image
      Author

      texshelters 4 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

      Okay, you convinced me LikaMarie...

      PTxS

    • texshelters profile image
      Author

      texshelters 4 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

      Genghis Khan, Long hair...

      He was into nation building.

      PTxS

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