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The Realities of Domestic Violence Part II

Updated on February 15, 2015

When It All Becomes Too Much

The sad stark reality is that when you are a survivor of Domestic Violence, you find out that you feel more alone than ever. If you've left, you find out who your friends are and most likely there has already been a smear campaign against you that has been taking place all along. Therefore, people you thought would be there are gone. There you stand to pick up the pieces of your life with little or no help, trying to thwart your abuser's attempts at diminishing you. When you leave you think that will end the abuse, only to find out it's just a new and different kind of abuse; it may be stalking, financial or parental alienation but abuse nonetheless.

The constant struggles that survivors endure can be long and taxing on their emotional well-being, causing physical ailments and psychological issues. There can be a sense of powerlessness that is overwhelming, leading to thoughts of suicide as the only way out of this horrific situation. According to suicide.org, one in four victims of domestic violence will attempt to take their life.

This time in your life can be challenging but with support you can get through. I have met a group of women who are survivors as well and without them I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. When any one of us is having a day that seems like ending it would be better, there are people to talk to who get the issue at hand. They've suffered through similar days and came through to the other side. It is not easy, but it can be done.

Find people who understand you and know where you are coming from, that don't say "Why didn't she just leave?" or any of the other comments I have heard. Women who have been there don't judge you. This is not a competition anyone wants to win.

HOPE changes everything

Dig Deep

As a survivor of domestic violence, I know some of the struggles that are faced. Some are far more challenging than others, at the end of the day though; we are all just trying to get through. We can't give up; we have to join together to make the change. We need take a stand, teach our children how to behave and love one another to end the atrocities. It can be a long hard road, but you can make it to the other side. Getting to the other side for me at times has seemed like the darkened, never ending staircase. Some days I feel like just giving up, saying f@ck it, or I rage because of what took place and how life has ended up. I have gone places I never imagined I would go. It has made me a more humble person, I feel more forgiving and understanding. It has all taught me that judgment needs to be left at the wayside, and the focus needs to be redirected to the light of love.
God knows I lived long enough without love. Now's the time to take my power back, becoming a better and more compassionate person is the name of this new game. Right now, you may think it's all impossible and that there is no way you're ever going to hit the place. The bruises to fresh, the belittling still running its way through your mind. But I am here to tell you every day gets a little bit better, a little easier, and you learn how to dance with your demons, and maybe even embrace them.
The difference between when I was in my marriage and now is that I REALLY love me. Not because I am perfect, but for the exact opposite reason; because I am NOT!!!! I love my quirky, strange sense of humor. Which, as you may know, after an abusive relationship you have to find humor in what the strange, twisted, depravity of it all; or you will spend your days under the covers throwing a pity party. Well, the reality is life goes on, and we may take a break, but there is something to continue living for, your kids or maybe your pets right now. Eventually though you will find out that there is whole big world out there you were missing while living in fear. Go ahead take the step, the sun is shining and the world is waiting for you to come and consume it.

FEAR

False Evidence Appearing Real

We have nothing to fear but fear itself! Franklin D. Roosevelt

The Children Next Door

National Statistics

  • On average, nearly 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

    • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
    • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

    • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have experienced stalking victimization during their lifetime in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.

    • On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.

    • Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.

    • Intimate partner violence is most common among women between the ages of 18 – 24.2

    • 19% of intimate partner violence involves a weapon.2

    PHYSICAL/MENTAL EFFECTS ECONOMIC EFFECTS

    • The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year.6

    • Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace as a result of intimate partner violence. These statistics amount to 22% of workplace homicides among women.

    SEXUAL ASSAULT

    • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 59 men in the United States has experienced rape in her lifetime.1

    • 9.4% of women in the United States have been raped by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

    STALKING

    • 19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have experienced stalking in their lifetime. 66.2% of these female stalking victims reported stalking by a current or former intimate partner

Books About Domestic Violence

Raised on Fear
Raised on Fear

A man's story about domestic violence. A Spellbinding True Story!

“I grew up in a world of violence and unpredictability. I learned to take care of myself because no one else would. I learned to lie, to conceal and to cover my fear with anger and violence.”

Lee Cox is coauthor of this riveting expose, a true story of his life of abuse and the steps he took to overcome his patterns of violence. Lee now spends his time pursuing his mission to End Violence Everywhere.

Marge Hulburt, coauthor and friend, brought Lee’s story to life. She is an author and consultant who helps others clarify and express their passion in life.

Read the first chapter free when you click on the hyper link.

 

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